


Just Like in Fairy Tales

by emquin



Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Fantasy, M/M, The little mermaid - Freeform, fairy tale, klaine AU, modern fairy tale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-25
Updated: 2014-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 13:57:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/979739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emquin/pseuds/emquin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little Mermaid inspired AU mid-Never Been Kissed. Blaine is looking for love. Kurt is tired of being bullied. An incident, and an opportunity with heavy consequences brings them together, but have they found what they've been looking for?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story written a few years ago. I am going to be doing some light edits on it and posting at the very least once a week, but probably more often than that depending on when I have the time to. While it is inspired by The Little Mermaid, this story does not contain Mermaids or follow that plot line exactly though of course it will borrow some.
> 
> There is an element of the supernatural that will play a part of the story, but it won't be overwhelming
> 
> Enjoy.

"You need a boyfriend."

 

Those were not the words Blaine Anderson had ever expected Wes to utter. When he'd been asked to stay behind with the council, he'd already resigned himself to getting a reprimand for daydreaming. That, or the announcement that they were giving him another solo, if Wes, David, and Thad hadn't realized that Blaine hadn't paid attention for the better half of the meeting.

 

So, when Wes said that, Blaine wasn't expecting it. "What?" he asked.

 

Wes who had been standing by one of the large windows, intricate windows in the room looked towards the other two council members.

 

"You do," David said in agreement.

 

Blaine blinked at them and turned his eyes to the last council member, hoping there'd be disagreement there. But Thad just nodded. Blaine really shouldn't have expected anything else. As much as these three boys respected and took his advice in Warbler matters, they were still higher than him in the Warbler hierarchy and lead singer, he may have been, they still held all the real power among them. They also rarely disagreed with each other, and if they did, they never showed it in front of the rest of the boys.

 

Once, David had clearly disagreed with something Thad proposed, but after a whispered, "solidarity" from Wes, smiled and not put forth an argument.

 

Eyeing them warily, Blaine sighed, "And why, pray tell, do you mean by, I need a boyfriend?" His curiosity mixed in with just there anger at Wes assuming he could have control of even that part of Blaine's life.

 

Wes looked confused for a moment and Blaine wondered if it was because he wasn't just agreeing with him. "Well, you can't exactly have a girlfriend," he said at long last, "that would be a disaster all around."

 

Blaine rolled his eyes and stood up from the comfortable leather sofa, "Wes, I know I'm gay. There is no reason you should need to convince me. And, furthermore, I am happy being single, and it really is none of your business."

 

It wasn't that he didn't want a boyfriend. It was just that there was no one at Dalton that fit the image he'd created in his mind of what the perfect boy for him would be. And he wasn't lying about being comfortable in his single life. He didn't need to have a boyfriend to feel good about himself. Things were, after such a very long time, finally working out for him and Blaine did not want the complication of a love life ruining everything good in his life.

 

"No, you are not," Wes insisted, "and it is our business."

 

Wes clasped his hands behind his back and walked to the deserted council table to pick up the closed notebook that held the minutes of every Warbler meeting since the beginning of the year, as ascribed by David and on occasion Thad. Wes flipped through a few pages and then stopped at a dog eared page.

 

"Thank you, David," he said, "although you know I don't abide by messiness, even with something as small as a fold..."

 

Before Wes could break into a long rant about tradition and the Warblers, Thad coughed and motioned to the notebook.

 

"Right." Wes had the decency to look sheepish. "Three times this week," he continued, addressing Blaine again, "we have caught you not paying attention during Warbler meetings, looking out the window with -- David, you really need to not scribble down words -- ah, longing."

 

Blaine wanted to open his mouth and argue that, that in no way pointed to him needing a boyfriend. For the past two weeks, Warbler practices had become monotonous. It wasn't only him that had stopped paying attention. Blaine was bored. Every meeting was the same. All the songs felt the same.

 

Wes eyed him and then flipped a few more pages to the next dog eared page and then he continued, "you've also been known to glare at couples in the library. Once, you made sure Jeff and Mark get kicked out."

 

Even that had an explanation. It was even reasonable. Who went to the library to make out with their boyfriends anyway? There were rules about that and really, they were distracting and noisy, and annoying. And they chose the worst possible shelves to hide between. He opened his mouth to explain himself, but David shook his head.

 

David had known Wes longer than anyone else at Dalton, and he was one of the few people that knew how to deal with the sometimes power hungry Warbler council member. So, Blaine closed his mouth and waited.

 

"Aha," Wes said, stopping at yet another page.

 

For a moment Blaine wondered if David just carried that book with him everywhere to overanalyze every move of every single Warbler. How else were those notes in the minutes?

 

"Last night at dinner," Wes said, "you rudely snorted and scoffed at Nick while he was talking about his date with his girlfriend."

 

Blaine couldn't help but make a noise of protestation at that. They all knew why he'd been containing his laughter the previous night. They all knew what the issue was. If there was one known fact about anyone at Dalton, it was that Nick had terrible taste in girls. The latest one wasn't even interested in Nick farther than his money, and Blaine knew for a fact -- as many boys at Dalton knew including the three council members -- she was cheating on Nick with some boy from her own school.

 

Drama, many would have thought, would not have been present in an all boys school, but when boys from well to do families with large trust funds in their names and the possibility to do anything right at the tip of their friends, it really should have been expected.

 

It was yet another reason Blaine didn't want to date any of the boys at Dalton. They all had so much baggage with each other already, or so well known for their money and Blaine wanted normality and autonomy.

 

"So," he said, ignoring explanations that would go unheard by Wes, "you want me to become distracted by a boyfriend instead?"

 

Wes glared at him, as if he were missing the whole point. Blaine entirely doubted there actually was a point.

 

"No! We want you to date someone from the Warblers."

 

Blaine gaped at him. They didn't just want him to get a boyfriend for ridiculous reasons, but they also wanted to pick the poor guy out.

 

"What?" he asked again. "You can't be serious."

 

"It'll keep you focused," Wes continued, "you must like one of the boys."

 

Blaine didn't. They were his friends sure, and he got along with some of them better than others, but in his mind he didn't see them as possible boyfriends.

 

"No," he said. "I will not date anyone. Specially not a Warbler."

 

"You will," Wes insisted and then when Blaine didn't look like he was going to give, added, "or we'll push you out of the spotlight and eventually out of the Warblers."

 

Blaine snorted and stood up. "You need me," he said, "you have no one better to lead. And if you expect me to just go along with this, I'll quit."

 

David and Thad shook their heads violently. David glared at Wes.

 

"Blaine, you're right, we do need you," David said, "you can't quit and we won't be pushing you out of the Warblers either. But, you do need someone."

 

Thad nodded. "You don't think so, because you think you're happy this way, but you need someone. We want you to be happy. You've been different lately and as your friends we think this is what you need. Just go on a few dates. They don't have to be Warblers. They don't even have to go to Dalton."

 

Wes looked like he wanted to protest now.

 

Blaine looked at them and sighed. They were still his friends. Despite everything, these boys were his friends and he knew they weren't just telling him to do this for the Warblers, or because of his lack of attention, they did care.

 

"I...maybe I'll try."

* * *

> _There's a boy I keep picturing in my mind. This perfect boy with perfect hair and clear wide eyes, the doors to his every emotion. I can see him just within the corners of my mind, a smile playing on his lips. He's a mischievous little thing, fragile and so strong. He's a singer with a clear voice that fits perfect with mine. He's someone I want to take care of. I want him to take care of me too._
> 
> _Sometimes, I dream he'll save me from my monotonous life, other times I save him. He's perfect in every way. I don't know his name. I don't even know if he exists beyond those corners of my mind._
> 
> _No one at Dalton compares. Not to this wonderful boy in my head, this boy that doesn't exist. They don't understand. The boy I want isn't the illusion of perfection, he's perfect for me._
> 
> _Wes wants me to get a boyfriend, but he doesn't understand. I know what I want, and I haven't found him yet. Perhaps, I never will, but in my mind that is the boy I want, and no one will ever compare._
> 
>  
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

* * *

Kurt Hummel sat cross legged on his bed with a hand mirror held up in front of him, his back to a larger mirror. The bruise on his back was unmistakable and sitting right above an already healing bruise. Kurt dropped the mirror on his bed and let his shoulders slump out of his usually perfect stature. He gently straightened out his legs and lowered himself onto his back. The pain was just bearable, something Kurt was only too used to. He barely even noticed it.

 

He laid on his bed for a while, eyes roaming his white ceiling. It was too blank, cold. It went well with the Dior gray of his walls, but Kurt thought that maybe his entire room needed a change, a new beginning. What he really needed, Kurt knew, was a good distraction, a project that would keep him occupied and away from thoughts about Karofsky and why he was targeting Kurt so specifically over something everyone in the school had known even before he'd officially admitted it.

 

The phone he'd dropped on his bed earlier, vibrated on the bed and Kurt snatched it up, confused when Rachel's name flashed on the screen. He answered the call.

 

"What can I do for you, Rachel Berry?" He asked, in an inquisitive voice that was neither warm or cold, just neutral.

 

"Kurt, I hope you're having a good evening and that I'm not intruding," she didn't pause before continuing, "and I know usually you wouldn't be the person I'd call, but Finn refuses to help and I doubt he'd be very good help anyway, and I don't feel comfortable asking Sam or Mike to do this, and Puck and Artie are definitely out of the question. So, really, it only left you and..."

 

Kurt rolled his eyes and gingerly sat up. "Rachel," he said and again louder, "Rachel!"

 

She stopped talking.

 

"Stop explaining yourself, or I will hang up on you. What do you need?"

 

He heard her heave a sigh. "Do you want to help me spy on The Dalton Academy Warblers?"

 

Kurt knew at once that saying yes would end badly. This was Rachel Berry, after all, and any plan of hers would end disastrously. But he was curious.

 

"How do you plan to accomplish that?" He asked.

 

"Well, Kurt, that's where you come in. I'm not a boy and I doubt I'd be able to disguise myself well enough. And I know you're very effeminate, Kurt, but you're still, you know, a boy. So, I thought you could sneak in and video tape them or just, you know, get a voice recording of them singing. I've already taken the liberty of finding out when the best time to spy of them would be. A performance is scheduled for tomorrow and I was hoping you could go and get us a good idea as to how good they are."

 

Kurt would be lying if he said he wasn't interested in Dalton Academy's Warblers. The very idea of an all boys school intrigued Kurt like no other. One couldn't help but wonder about what kind of boys would join an all boys glee club.

 

He listened to Rachel as she went on, describing anything that could convince Kurt further that he should help out.

 

"It's for the good of the club, Kurt," she was saying now.

 

Kurt rolled his eyes and then sighed. "Alright, fine, Rachel, but you better get me a picture or something of their uniform or I'll stand out and give myself away at once."

 

"I've got you one better," Rachel said and paused for dramatic effect, "My gay dads had to meet a friend from school yesterday and I went with them. They were meeting in Westerville, so I asked to stop by the school and I stole you a uniform. I think it's close to your size."

 

He really should have expected nothing less from Rachel. He decided in that moment that if he was ever to plan a murder or something of equal gravity that Rachel Berry would be number one in his list of people to call for when he needed to rid himself of the body. 

 

"So," he said, instead of praising her for her work, because really he and Rachel needed to keep their status as not really friends, "you already assumed I would just do it?"

 

She grunted. "Finn was never an option," she admitted and then her voice turned serious again, "Okay, so tomorrow at school, we can figure everything out. We'll have to skip lunch and three of our classes after it, but we'll be back by Glee. Is that okay?"

 

Kurt knew there was nothing he could say to protest. "Sure. Don't forget the uniform. You better have this planned out, Rachel, I seriously do not want to get caught. This isn't like Vocal Adrenaline. I'll be trespassing into a private school."

 

Rachel reassured him she had everything under control and Kurt decided that he might as well trust her. Rachel's plans didn't always go wrong.

* * *

> _I bruise easily. Mommy always said I got that from her, but that at least I wasn't as clumsy as her. She used to have bruises all the time. But hers were small, caused by running into doors, or falling up stairs or knocking her knees or elbows into walls, or tables. But my bruises aren't like hers._
> 
> _I flinch every time I see him. I'm afraid all the time, and there's nothing anyone can do. Mr. Shuester even told me I shouldn't let it get to me. But how do you not let this get to you? How do you just ignore the names or the bruises on your back?_
> 
> _I know everyone has problems. I'm not selfish or trying to get pity. I haven't told anyone, have I? I just shouldn't be ignored. My pain should matter to someone. But no one notices a thing. Not Finn or Mercedes. Mr. Shuester knows. So does Tina. They've seen it. But all they ask is if I'm okay, or to just ignore it. They think it's okay because it's always been normal at this school._
> 
> _Mommy would have noticed the difference. She would have known at once. I don't want to worry dad. Not after his heart attack, and not when we're getting along so well. Not when he and Carole are working out so well._
> 
> _I can handle the bruises, I can handle the pain, I can handle the names. I picture the day when I'll get out of here, be a part of a world where my differences and who I am will make people like me. Where this bullying would never be tolerated. I wonder if there even is such a place out in the world or if I'll ever even find it._
> 
>  
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

* * *

The next day found Kurt in the girls bathroom, for once not getting slushie out of his clothes, but still getting out of one outfit into another. The Dalton Academy uniform was not the most atrocious thing Kurt had ever laid his eyes on, but it was still an uniform and the material it was made out of was not something Kurt was very familiar with wearing. It was stiff and the trousers were awkwardly loose. The collar of the white oxford shirt made his neck itch, and the red piping on the blue blazer was something he could have done without.

 

"Kurt, hurry up," Rachel hissed. She was standing outside his stall and he could hear her tapping her feet.

 

Kurt sighed and unlatched the door. She stepped back as he pushed it open, and clapped her hands when he came into sight.

 

"Perfect," she said.

 

He walked to the nearest mirror and fixed the tie, and then the blazer, before making sure his hair wasn't out of place. Rachel, who looked impatient, grabbed his arm before he could start on something else or break out his bottle of hairspray.

 

"Rachel!" he cried.

 

Rachel ignored him, except to say, "we have to go. Or we'll be late."

 

Kurt rolled his eyes. "You act like this is some sort of appointment."

 

She lead the way out of the school through one of the side entrances whose camera had once been hit to point up to the ceiling and never set back in place. Once they were outside, they made a beeline for Kurt's car and quickly got in.

 

Kurt, who had already programmed the address into his GPS, turned on his car, the Tom Tom and radio before they were on their way.

 

Rachel for once, did not try to talk to Kurt for the first half of the ride there, but once they were just twenty minutes away from the school, as indicated by the GPS, began to instill in him what he had to do.

 

"Rachel," Kurt said when they finally entered Westerville, "would you please just, shut up. I know what I have to do."

 

She eyed him and sighed. "It's just important, you know." She sniffed and looked out the window.

 

Kurt ignored her.

 

Dalton Academy turned out to be a wonderment in architecture, so much so, that upon first glancing at the main building, Kurt almost crashed into another car.

 

It was obvious the school had money, not only was the building beautiful and reminiscent of a Victorian era manor, it was so well kept it looked like it had just been built, but its lawn was well cut and the flowers and trees strategically placed to be the most pleasing. The buildings that surrounded the main were all close to the same.

 

"It's beautiful," he told Rachel as he drove into one of the parking lots and found a free space.

 

"I know," Rachel said, smiling a little and then began to explain to Kurt what door to go in through.

 

"I watched them that day I was here, and as long as you're in uniform they won't ask if you belong...so we have that covered. I don't know where the performance will happen exactly, but I did grab this map and so I think it could be in either the Arts Building or the main one. They're all interconnected through the basement. You'll be going into the Arts building. You'll figure it out I think. Anyway, you should go. And you have the camera and voice recorder we got from Artie?"

 

Kurt nodded and patted his pocket. He suddenly felt like this was a terrible idea. He wanted to tell Rachel as much and that they should just go back to McKinley, but she was already pushing his school bag towards him and she didn't look like she'd be willing to let the spying go. So, after reassuring himself that it wouldn't be a terrible disaster, he got out of his car and headed calmly towards the building Rachel had pointed out, focusing on admiring the campus rather than his task at hand.

 

He made it into the school easily, and imagined that the uniform really did do the trick. Who would question a boy in full Dalton uniform, after all?

 

There were a few boys in the halls, some walking leisurely, and others quickly. None of them chattered away with friends, just walked along and a few whispered to each other. Kurt watched them and followed a few boys who were talking excitedly in low tones.

 

"I'm so glad they're doing it today," one boy, short with sandy blond hair said, "getting to miss Perrault's exam is the only thing that will make this week alright."

 

His friend nodded. "When I got the text, I just knew today would be a good day. I can't believe Jeff didn't mention it last night...and I kept complaining about my class today, too."

 

The last of the boys, piped in, then, "they don't always know when they're doing something like this. Impromptu, you know."

 

The second one to have spoken, a tall dark haired boy that was quite handsome snorted. "With Wes on the council? That boy has to have everything scheduled into his journal, you know that. There's not one impulsive bone in his body when it comes to the Warblers."

 

Kurt's ears perked up at that and he continued following them with just enough space between them so they wouldn't notice that he was a) following them, and b) eavesdropping on them.

 

But for trying to keep his distance, Kurt lost the boys, once they headed through double doors that had been left open into another hallway that was full of boys headed in all directions, all excited and babbling about a text they'd all received.

 

"So excited..."

 

"They haven't done this in a month!"

 

"...think Blaine's lead?"

 

Kurt caught multiple versions of snippets of conversation and he began to follow some of the crowd. For a moment he considered asking one of the boys what was going on, but keeping himself as much out of the way as possible. He didn't need attention brought to him, so instead he followed the boys and tried to stop himself from noticing how good looking most of them were, but failing miserably.

 

Eventually he arrived at a large room, this was where they had all been headed and to Kurt it looked like a room that should have been nothing special at this school.

 

He'd been focused more on where he was going than the interior decorating, but from what Kurt had actually stopped to admire, he knew that it was all very beautiful.

 

Boys were moving furniture out of the way and laughing together. Some held whispered conversations, and others were silent in their anticipation.

 

Kurt found himself a spot to stand in that could keep him out of the direct sight of any of the boys, but so he still managed to look at the space that had been cleared.

 

More and more boys came into the room and found places to stand or sit, and then some of them were suddenly in the middle of the room, ready to break out into song, Kurt could see it in the way they stood. He fiddled with the camera Artie had given Rachel and hoped it would work. It was small enough to hide, but Kurt couldn't keep trying to make sure he was getting everything without letting everyone around him know he was filming the performance. He had just gotten it to the right spot, when two boys walked in, arguing in not too loud tones.

 

He noticed them at once, because the one closest to him though he was wearing the same uniform as everyone else, seemed to pull it off like only some of the other boys could. He was handsome, despite all the gel in his hair.

 

"...just saying...could...for you," the other boy, an Asian boy with an aura of authority said, Kurt only managing to hear a few of his words.

 

The boy that Kurt had become interested at once, rolled his eyes and Kurt heard everything he said, then, because he paused just in front of Kurt, "you need to understand boundaries, Wesley, I don't appreciate this. And no, Lucas will not do."

 

"Blaine!" Wesley said and then sighed, "this isn't over."

 

After this, they stepped forward and the other boys that had been in the center of the room joined them in a predetermined formation and the boy that'd been called Blaine, stepped forward.

 

Kurt didn't expect them to do Katy Perry, but it was what they sang. He expected even less, for the other boys around him to be so enthused by the song. The Warblers were good. They could have done more for their choreography, but their voices were perfect. Blaine performed with confidence and a demeanor that hadn't been there when he and Wes were walking into the room.

 

Kurt watched them, amazed, his eyes not drifting away from Blaine. This year they really were going to have some competition.

 

When the performance was over, the Warblers mingled with each other and the other students. Kurt waited until some of the other boys around him started to leave, now that the Warblers had announced they weren't doing another song, and then followed them out, catching a last glimpse of Blaine and Wes once again deep in discussion, this time with another boy.

* * *

> _I don't know how it works. It's different than I expected. Dalton is beautiful, but beauty should not have made it enough for me to fall in love. Maybe it was the acceptance a group of boys singing Katy Perry got from their peers._
> 
> _I'll never really admit it anywhere else, but I hope the lead singer is gay. I don't think I could describe my feelings further than that._
> 
> _Dalton is like a dream world. But I don't know all the details. I don't know if there's more to it than just the glimpse I caught today. Somehow I find I want to thank Rachel for letting me see this. I want desperately for this place to be what I've been looking for, but you can never be too sure about that sort of thing._
> 
>  
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

* * *

"Any of them, Blaine," Wes said. "They all love you. You could have any boy in this school. Gay or straight, I think they would all go for you."

 

Blaine shrugged the arm Wes had placed around his shoulders to say this to him. "They like this illusion of me, the lead singer of the Warblers, none of them actually know me and for that matter I don't know any of them."

 

Wes rolled his eyes. "That's because other than Warblers, you do no other extracurricular activities. I keep telling you to join something else, not just for you college applications next year, either."

 

They were walking down one of the less used hallways in Dalton's Arts Building after Blaine had tried to leave what had been dubbed The Warblers' Commons because it was the one common room anywhere at Dalton where one could at any time find some of the Warblers, and where all their 'impromptu' performances were held.

 

"What I don't understand," Blaine said, "is why you're so set on controlling my life. You want me to join more clubs, you want me to get a boyfriend. Next what, you'll decide that I don't just like boys and start setting me up with your girlfriend's friends? Wes, seriously, I may be your lead singer, but you just can't make my every decision. I'm happy, Wes, I am. My life is finally making sense to me, and I don't want you to keep pushing. As my friend, just, please."

 

Wes looked for a moment taken aback. He stared at Blaine and shook his head with a sigh. "It's not that I think I know what's best for you, just that I worry. You know I worry. And I can't help thinking you're lonely. I just...you've never had a boyfriend, Blaine, and you're not even trying and...you don't know how it'd feel."

 

"No, I don't know, but I like how things are now." Blaine stopped and turned to face Wes. "I'm waiting to meet someone wonderful. And I know I haven't met him yet, but I'll know when I do."

 

"You haven't met anyone, because you refuse to meet anyone," Wes said and then rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Look, I have to go meet up with David and Thad, just think about it."

 

Blaine nodded and watched Wes go in the direction they'd come from, for a while wondering if Wes was right and he just didn't know that he wanted a boyfriend because he'd never had one before. He shook the thought for the moment and continued on his way, humming to himself.

 

He continued, turning into a different more busy hall and smiling at a few boys who called out to him about the earlier performance, but didn't pause to talk to them. Maybe he wasn't very social. He only ever hung out with some of the Warblers and the boys that resided on his floor at Stevenson, after all. But Dalton was a hard school. Blaine spent most of his time on school work, and if not that then practicing songs for the Warblers. He didn't have time to get to know every boy at Dalton.

 

Blaine walked out of the Arts Building and walked across the ground towards Stevenson. There were two other dorms at Dalton, and for a while Blaine had belonged to Stoughton, before Wes, David, and Thad talked to housing and got him to move into to spare single at Stevenson instead.

 

Though Blaine headed towards Stevenson House, he bypassed it, and walked instead to the parking lot just off of Stevenson, reserved for the juniors and seniors that lived there and drove. They were given freedom to come and go as long as they were back at their perspective House before midnight or their parents called to excuse them for the night.

 

Blaine got to his car and got in, glad to be able to escape Dalton for a little while, even if he was just going to get himself coffee and a biscotti at his favorite cafe. He pulled out of his usual parking spot and headed on his way, still wondering if his life wasn't as fulfilled as he thought it was, if Wes was seeing something he was missing.

* * *

> _I think maybe Wes is right. What do I know of love, if I've never felt it before. What do I know of life, when I've never been in love._
> 
> _I think I'm happy. I think I know what I want. But will I ever find that boy if I don't try? Maybe he's looking for me too._
> 
> _They don't get it. I want it all. I want the complications of a boy in my life, but I want the right one, not just someone to fill the spot until he comes along. The question remains: is he even real?_
> 
>  
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson


	2. Chapter 2

Kurt remembered well his days on the football team and then later Cheerios, and the one thing he'd hated most about belonging to either team, was the locker room. It was a combination of the smell of sweat that he could never quite get used to, and the way the other boys looked at him and tried to be as far away from him as possible. Unlike what many of them believed, he'd never been excited to be around so many half-naked boys. Other than Finn, he hadn't had an ounce of interest in any of them.

Not being a part of either the football team or Cheerios any longer, had found Kurt as far away as possible from the locker room, which wasn't something he minded in the least. As far as he was concerned, he wouldn't step back into the locker room unless Sue Sylvester had a good enough reason for him to rejoin the Cheerios. So, it was the least unlikely place, that Kurt thought, would bring about any sort of change in his life.

But it did.

It was a few days since his stint in spying, and every day, Kurt grew more and more tired of Karofsky. It was the final straw when the larger boy pushed Kurt in the middle of a not too crowded hallway, right into his open locker, getting his sweater caught on one of the corners before he fell to the ground. Around him, other kids just looked on.

Kurt pushed himself up and followed Karofsky, ignoring his sweater for the moment and taking the momentum of his anger, instead, and running with it.

Afterwards, Kurt couldn't remember what he'd said, or how it had all gone down. Instead he could feel the locker behind him digging into his back where he pressed up against it, and the cold tile underneath him.

It wasn't how his first kiss should have gone. Belatedly, he regretted trying to stand up for himself. Had he known it would end this way he never would have gone for it. Kurt would take shoves and slushies and the humiliation of being called a fag any day in comparison to how he felt after this kiss.

It was an hour before Kurt got up, straightened himself up and walked to one of the sinks to wash his face. No one at McKinley cared if he skipped a class, he was that kid that they'd never expect to do anything wrong, so instead of going to History, he headed out to his car and he just drove.

It wasn't until he was pulling into the parking lot of Dalton Academy that he realized where he was. Yet there was a certain peace to be got from just seeing the place and remembering the boy that had sung Katy Perry and been cheered on.

The uniform was still in his car and before he knew it, he had changed into it in his backseat, and he was straightening out his tie and heading towards Dalton, wondering if he could really get away with wandering around a school he didn't go to while passing off as one of the students.

Being at Dalton gave him a sort of peace that he hadn't felt in a long time, even if the uniform was awkward and Kurt didn't like how the fabric brushed against his skin.

* * *

> _That was taking it too far, to a place too confusing for me to be able to think about it. I can't even see it in print. What he did to me._
> 
> _Instead I dream and think of the difference I could find in my life if I wasn't there anymore, just small enough and fragile enough to push around. But I know I can't just run away. It's an option, but I don't know where I'd run to._
> 
> _I can't keep pretending to be a Dalton student. Someone will notice sooner or later and as much as I wish to belong here...I don't..._
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

* * *

Wes set a cup of coffee, a medium drip just like Blaine liked, in front of Blaine. Blaine looked up at the placement of the coffee in front of him and lifted his eyes to follow the arm that held the cup down, to meet his friend's face.

"Hmm, coffee, thanks."

Wes smiled at him. "So, I've been going through David's notebooks," he said as he took a seat and held his own cup of coffee between his two hands, "and I think I've found the perfect guy for you."

Blaine dropped the pen he'd been holding. "No," he said and shook his head. "I don't think so, Wes."

"Look, you have to try dating sometime. It's for your good and for the Warblers' good."

Blaine gave Wes a look and grabbed the coffee he'd been offered. It really did suck that his friend knew his weakness. He took a whiff of the coffee and his lips quirked into a smile.

"You, Wes, have no life outside of planning Warbler meetings, Warbler song arrangements, and pestering said Warblers until they are driven crazy or quit. I'll try dating, when you try getting a life outside of Glee club."

Wes looked insulted and gapped at Blaine as if he'd just been told that something terrible happened to his dog. "You did not just call the most prestigious organization of Dalton Academy just a simple club. I'll have you know that..."

Blaine gathered his things and fixed Wes with yet another pointed look, "I think you get my point. I'm not trying to be mean, Wes, just acting as your friend...since, you know, we're being so honest of late."

Blaine almost ran into David on his way out as he savored his medium drip with closed eyes.

David rolled his eyes at him. "You look like you're enjoying that just a bit too much. See, we do have reason to be worried if you think real pleasure comes from coffee."

The insinuation was enough to make Blaine blush and he almost dropped the cup of coffee, but managed to keep his grip on it. He walked past David without saying anything and ignored Wes' calls that he already had a date later that evening.

The thing about Blaine was that he liked being an annoyance to his friends. He'd gotten to know Wes and David well over the last year and he knew just what made them tick. Wes was a traditionalist. He came from a long line of Dalton Academy alums on his father side and knew every handbook like the back of his hand. The Warblers was his legacy and becoming part of the council had been his dream since becoming a Warbler. Blaine understood he was under the pressure and scrutiny of his father to lead them to at least Regionals, but he also didn't think that had anything to do with his personal life.

Blaine also knew that David was the only person other than Wes' sister, that could calm Wes down enough to listen to reason, and if David was anything, it was reasonable. He and Wes made the perfect team, and Blaine was glad to know that David unlike Wes could see why his getting set up on dates with other Warblers wouldn't end well.

As he walked out of the room, he heard David already talking to Wes about songs they could focus on for Sectionals and how that was more productive than worrying about Blaine's love life.

Blaine smiled a little to himself. It had been almost a week since Wes' plan had been presented to him, and still nothing had come of it. For a few days, Wes hadn't even brought it up and Blaine had been happy to let the entire thing go as long as it was never mentioned again. But, now, Blaine knew Wes had only been searching for the right candidate to set him up on a date with.

Blaine walked aimlessly for a while. If he was being truthful with himself, he really didn't mind what his friends were trying to do. It was more that he was scared of what the outcome would be.

He paused in front of a trashcan and tipped his head back to consume the last remaining drops of his coffee, cursing Wes for getting him a small rather than his usual medium sized cup. He dropped it into the trash mournfully when he was done and shifted his books from one arm to the other. It was then, out of the corner of his eye that he saw a flash of light brown hair.

Blaine turned quickly, but whoever it was, was gone. Blaine peered down the hall and back up and then into the nearest room, but there was no sight of that person anywhere. He sighed and looked back at the trashcan he'd now added his coffee cup to.

Blaine quickly checked the time on his pocket watch, a gift from his grandfather, and nodded to himself, he had enough time to get a good decent cup of coffee from his favorite coffee shop in Ohio.

* * *

> _Sometimes it feels like nothing's changed since before and I'm still that scared boy that had to beg to switch schools halfway through the year. I want to act like I'm over all of that and that I'm ready for what the future has to hold but I just have no idea if I'm even ready for that._
> 
> _So, instead I keep dreaming up that boy. He peeks at me around corners, eyes shining with a feeling I don't recognize and his lips turned up into a bright smile that I know is just meant for me._
> 
> _At times, I think I'm going crazy. I thought I saw him today, my boy. But I know almost everyone at Dalton and I would never have missed seeing someone like him._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

* * *

Kurt didn't know why he hid. It was just that Blaine was right there and there was no one else around and it could have been just too easy to just start up some sort of conversation with him, and Kurt didn't want to be disappointed when Blaine didn't turn out to be the guy he wanted him to be. And then there was what had happened to him.

Karofsky kissed him. Karofsky was gay. Karofsky was a scared bully with anger issues he took out on Kurt.

There was no excuse that could be made for Karofsky that could excuse what he did, but as much as Kurt just wanted to act like the petulant child that didn't understand the other side of the story, he knew he needed to be the bigger person. Dalton gave him perspective, it let him think without worrying about any of his friends or the other jocks finding him and trying to make something out of the situation.

He hadn't meant to find Blaine and then later to follow him, but the other teen had looked confused and worried and too thoughtful for someone for Kurt to not be intrigued and curious. But instead of just pretending to be another student, he hid away from Blaine and then practically ran down a corridor, into another and then into an empty classroom.

The classrooms at Dalton were just as beautiful as any other part of the school. The desks were made of actual wood, meant for two students like in the science classrooms. Their chairs made from the same wood and far more comfortable than the ones at McKinley. And nowhere on the wood were there carved names or hearts with initials or even curse words. These wouldn't have lasted a period at McKinley.

There was also something to be said about the wallpapered walls and the clean blackboard and the clean un-curtained windows that looked upon the grounds.

Kurt caught his breath in the classroom that he wanted to attend school in, and waited for a few minutes before he dared take a peek outside and then he headed in a direction he hoped would lead him outside.

He'd just turned into a hall he swore he'd been in before, when he felt the phone in his pocked vibrate. He pulled it out, more to stop it from falling out of his pocket than anything else, and paused, contemplating taking the call.

It was Rachel and he knew what she'd be calling about, and he knew her voice was possibly one of the last things he wanted to hear, but he answered the call anyway.

"Kurt, where the hell are you? Mike swears he saw you leaving school and I went to check and your car isn't there. Do you realize how important practice is? You saw the Warblers first hand, Kurt, we need to be able to beat them."

Kurt sighed. He really just shouldn't have answered. "It's not like I'm getting a solo, Rachel, I'm there to stand in the background and look pretty. Seriously, you don't need me there at every practice."

She gasped. "We're part of a team, Kurt. Where are you?"

Somehow he knew that she'd know if he was lying. "Dalton," he mumbled quickly and waited for her explosion.

It never came.

"Kurt, what happened?" She asked instead and he was surprised at the tone of worry. "Did they figure out we were spying on them? Are they holding you hostage? You can't let them get our set list, Kurt! You just can't."

Kurt sighed, shoulder's dropping. She was worried about their set list, not what had led him to Dalton.

"They didn't figure anything out, Rachel, I just wanted to be somewhere peaceful, okay...I don't know why I thought this would be it, but it sort of is and it's like the place I've always just been looking for, you know?"

Rachel made a noise and then after a moment answered. "No, I don't know, actually," she said and then added, "Mr. Shue does want to give you a solo, Kurt, for Sectionals in fact. He...he doesn't want me or Finn to sing. Something Ms. Pilsbury said...I don't know, but you really shouldn't be with our competition when we need you here for practice."

He was getting a solo? Of course that would happen on the worst day of his life. He didn't even have it in him to be happy about it.

"Well, I'm not going to make it back in time, Rachel, we'll have to go over it tomorrow."

"Yeah." Rachel sighed. "Listen, do you want to meet up somewhere, Kurt? You sound...well, you don't sound...happy..."

Kurt debated for a moment telling her no, but thinking about going back to his empty house to later face his dad and act like nothing terrible had happened made him pause and reconsider. "Sure. Um. How does the Lima Bean sound? In like an hour and a half. Do you want me to pick you up?"

* * *

> _In my heart I always knew it was a simple crush that was bound to go away. It was childish and when I was finally over him, it didn't leave me empty, like I had just lost some large part of myself. Now he's my sort of brother._
> 
> _Blaine. I didn't even know his last name. He was just Blaine. I didn't even properly know him._
> 
> _He was just a dream, but the way my heart seemed to stop just at seeing him told me it was different from Finn, even though I didn't know him. I've never believed in fate before this._
> 
> _There was just something about Blaine._
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

* * *

Kurt pulled into the parking lot of the Lima Bean in silence. He and Rachel sat inside his car for a while and Kurt fumbled with the keys for a while before dropping them in Rachel's hand.

"Kurt, what?"

"I need to get out of this uniform," he told her, "and I don't want to lose my keys. I'll just run in the bathroom and change."

She sighed and put the keys in the pocket of her light coat. "Fine, alright. I'll order for us, then?"

"Grande nonfat mocha, please," Kurt said and began searching for his clothes in his bag while Rachel got out of the car and headed to the entrance.

He found his clothes quickly enough and walked into the cafe after Rachel and tried to locate the bathroom.

The Lima Bean was a nice, small coffee shop with some sort of stage for performances. Kurt had actually only entered The Lima Bean once before with Carole, and he hadn't been paying attention to the place, farther than to appreciate the aroma of the just brewed coffee that drifted in his direction. He hadn't noticed the stage then, but now he did and wondered for a moment if it was a new addition. Surely, Rachel of all people, would have known about it. In fact, he could see her already eyeing it as a possible place for her to perform some time. There were small cozy tables and booths, and the baristas behind the counter, all had nice different colored aprons on with name tags.

Kurt found the bathroom after following a sign, but found to his dismay that it was one of those one room bathrooms and there was a small line. Why so many people needed to stop to use the bathroom at a small cafe in the middle of the day was a question Kurt wanted to ask each of them, but he didn't, and instead stood to wait his turn, his eyes drifting over the cafe again and taking in just how comfortable the atmosphere seemed to be here.

The line to the barista to place an order, unlike the bathroom, hadn't been a long one, so before he knew it, Rachel was at his elbow.

"Since we're here and you're going to take forever, anyway, I asked if I could maybe sing something if no one else was. And really, you missed practice today, so you owe me, you know, so, I'm going to go pick something out."

Kurt didn't get a chance to say anything before she was running off. The man in front of him gave him a small smirk. "Girlfriend?" he asked.

Kurt snorted. "God, no."

The man laughed, but said nothing else. There really wasn't much in the way of small talk that one could have while standing in a line to the bathroom.

Rachel had taken off her coat and was standing on the stage with one of the baristas, a nice curly haired woman that seemed to actually like Rachel. He sighed to himself and headed over to the table she'd deposited his mocha on, deciding to change later if he was going to be stuck there for a while longer. He'd keep an eye on the bathroom queue while he drank.

Some minutes later, Rachel was introducing herself on the stage and a few of the patrons had looked up to her, waiting for her to begin.

She began singing a song that was unfamiliar to Kurt, and that was the first thing that made him look up, the second being the sound of her voice. Kurt had heard Rachel sing enough times to know her voice well, but this time was different. Maybe it was the song, or that she was singing outside of a competition or the choir room at McKinley.

The song was happy, but sad at the same time. It was beautiful beyond words. Kurt closed his eyes and let it wash over him. Around him the coffee shop was quiet. They all listened intently, and when it finally came to an end, it was like something had changed. They all applauded and Rachel smiled and curtsied, before she got off the stage and was offered a water bottle by one of the baristas.

"Rachel, that was, wow," Kurt said.

She grinned happily. "It was, wasn't it?" she said, knowing exactly what he meant. She took a long drink and then sat down. "You should sing something Kurt, it feels amazing up there...there's just, there's something about that stage."

Kurt shook his head and sipped at his coffee instead. He looked towards the bathroom line, but there was still the man that had been waiting in from of him, standing there.

"Come on, Kurt."

"I wouldn't know what to sing, I can't just belt something out on the fly." He hoped whoever was in the bathroom would hurry.

Rachel sighed, but got up to get the binder of songs she'd been flipping through earlier. "You must know one of these well enough."

Kurt didn't doubt that he could go up there and sing something, he just doubted that he could do it without sounding pale in comparison to Rachel. He'd never worried about this before, but now, after her song, he couldn't help but feel like he'd be inadequate in comparison. Instead he sipped at his coffee and waited for the bathroom. The door opened and a woman stepped out. The man he'd been waiting after went in and Kurt walked to stand outside the door to wait. Rachel followed him.

"Kurt please sing something. You'll be great up there."

It was tempting. He sighed. "Fine. Just let me get changed."

The bathroom was vacant rather quickly and Kurt rushed in and changed into his earlier outfit, skinny jeans and a sweater. The sweater that now had a small hole on the back because of Karofsky. Maybe he did need to sing something to get all of that out, and despite the small almost unnoticeable hole that he'd have to fix up later, his choice in fashion would be better than Rachel's.

After fixing his hair and folding the uniform, Kurt walked back out and almost ran straight into the one person he thought he'd already managed to avoid earlier. Luckily he managed to stop himself before colliding with the other boy. For a moment he just stared at him and then he sighed, wondering for a moment what he had done, for this boy to somehow appear in front of him for the second time in one day.

"Rachel," he hissed, after walking past Blaine unnoticed, "we have to go, the lead singer for the Warblers is here."

"So?" she asked, "you're not wearing your uniform anymore. He won't know we were spying the other day, or that you were spying again today."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "Not the point, the point is he's here and we're here and it could all get a bit suspicious, don't you think?"

Rachel stood up and Kurt sighed and relief and made for the door, but she stopped him and pointed to the stage. "You really won't? I already talked to the manager. She said it'd be fine if you sung, in fact they're expecting it."

Kurt suddenly hated Rachel more than ever. It wasn't about their competition possibly finding out that they'd been spied on, or about singing to a crowd that had heard Rachel Berry's best performance, ever, it was about knowing that Blaine, a boy he hadn't even properly met was there and would hear him and either notice him or completely ignore him.

Sometimes it's like life carries on in some monotonous way. We're just living and following some set schedule that we don't want to deviate from. Or we think we don't, because we know deep down it will change everything.

But when that one thing changes, when that tipping moment happens, and suddenly that life we lived that seemed at times boring, during which we cried, "nothing ever happens to me" changes, we're left wondering, "why does everything keep happening today?"

* * *

> _I never wanted to believe that there was a reason things happened, that there was some cosmic plan. Believing that this was true made the tragic event of my mother's death something that couldn't have been avoided and that needed to happen. But why would the universe or that God people put their faith on, take her away from me? I was only eight years old, too young to be without a mother._
> 
> _Sometimes, dad tried to explain it to me by saying that things just happened, there didn't need to be a reason. But does that also constitute fate?_
> 
> _If she hadn't been in that car, at that time, on that street, and instead at home, does that mean that she would have died at home of something completely different? Or would she be alive?_
> 
> _So, does running into Blaine twice mean that we're meant to meet? Predestined, or whatever, to know each other?_
> 
> _I don't want to break the illusion of the boy I've built up in my head...I like coincidences...I like not thinking that some power greater than us decided we needed to meet._
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

* * *

Blaine ordered his medium drip and a biscotti and waited while the barista, Ellen, got his order ready. He got the biscotti first and waited a few more minutes for his coffee. Ellen smiled at him.

"Have a good day."

"You too," he replied and after grabbing a stirrer and adding some cinnamon, walked to the nearest empty table and sat down.

The small coffee shop wasn't Blaine's usual haunt although he preferred it more than the place closer to Dalton, but knew it was the kind of day that required the long drive to get the best medium drip he'd gotten in Ohio. It didn't matter that he had a few assignments to work on and this constituted as wasting time.

He pulled out his pre-calc notebook, deciding to get some studying done, seeing as he wasn't really doing anything remotely productive other than trying to decide if he wanted to let Wes find him a possible boyfriend.

It was because Blaine was so focused on his notebook, and trying to figure out just why a number that was previously negative would turn positive without real explanation that he could conceive, that he missed a bit of a commotion behind him. Had he not been so focused on math, Blaine might have realized earlier that he better move out of the way, as it was, when he finally did look up, when he heard the sound of someone tapping on the microphone on a small stage, Blaine was thrown off his chair. He hit his right knee hard into the table as he fell and the coffee though it luckily did not spill over his notebook, landed on his leg, scalding.

His body hit the floor hard, and the chair fell with him, tangling up his legs. His vision blurred. Faintly in the background he heard the most beautiful sound. He closed his eyes and the voice washed over him. Suddenly it was gone and he tried to open his eyes, but it was too hard a task. Where had the music gone?

A lovely voice said something he couldn't make out and Blaine knew it was the same voice that had been singing. He felt someone lift his head.

Blaine tried to open his eyes again. He had to see the person that was talking. He needed to know whoever it was. A soft hand brushed his hair away from his forehead. The hands were too big to belong to a girl. Blaine groaned and opened his eyes to slits.

The boy whose lap Blaine's head was on was beautiful from what Blaine could make out. He looked worried and Blaine wanted to just wipe away the frown that marred his face.

Blaine couldn't keep his eyes open. Before he fully passed out, he heard the melodic voice mutter something that sounded a lot like his name, and then everything went black.

* * *

> _Sometimes I think he's just like the imaginary friend I had when I was seven and no one would talk to me because I was the weird kid that liked reading more than running around during recess._
> 
> _I've always been small for my age. Short in comparison to the other boys, I mean, and that tied in with my inherent clumsiness, something I've luckily grown out of, made playing tag hard. I liked to read. So, I did that instead with Rainer._
> 
> _Rainer disappeared when I figured out I was good at soccer and I finally had a new friend._
> 
> _Sometimes I wonder if the boy I've concocted in my head, this perfect boy meant to save me from everything is just another imaginary friend. An imaginary boyfriend, ready to go as soon as I get one that's real._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson


	3. Chapter 3

_"Blaine? Blaine?"_

_"...I...passed out...hit his head..."_

_"Maybe he should stay awake. Blaine? Please...that's what you're...right?"_

_"Blaine...I don't even...you...just, wake up..."_

_"...I wish I could stay with you..."_

_"...want to...part of your world..."_

It was a week since what had been dubbed by Wes as, "the coffee fiasco that could have been avoided if Blaine listened to Wes" but better known to the greater population of Dalton, as: "Blaine's adventure in a Lima Bean" happened. Both names brought confusion to anyone that didn't actually know what had happened and Blaine had even heard one freshman questioning the validity of coffee even being involved when a lima bean had nothing to do with coffee. He didn't even try to pretend to hide his scoff as he walked by them and ignored the gazes that followed him to class.

What was worse than the rumors that had started about him and lima beans, were the dreams. Now the boy he'd imagined to have a tinkling, clear high voice did, and instead of seeing said boy, Blaine now had his disembodied voice, sounding clear and beautiful calling out his name and worrying over him.

When he'd first come to, he expected to see him, he'd faintly heard his voice, but he was just on the ground and Ellen, the barista from earlier was leaning over him and someone to his right was on the phone.

After that things were kind of fuzzy, and the next thing he remembered was being back at Dalton with Wes and David in his dorm room, the two boys working on homework on the floor next to his bed.

Now, a week later, Blaine was rubbing at his eyes and holding a cup of coffee he'd gotten from the cafeteria, which never tasted quite right, but was his only source of caffeine for the time being. He slid into his usual seat next to Wes with a sigh, and dropped his French book on the desk in front of him.

Wes looked up from where he had been writing furiously. He pushed the piece of paper aside and out of Blaine's sight and turned to him.

"Another bad night, Blaine?"

Blaine shrugged. "I keep having this dream..." he trailed off into a yawn.

"Dream?" Thad asked, leaning over his desk towards them, "what about?"

Blaine shrugged, wondering for a moment if it was possible that Thad had some sort of book on dreams on him. "I don't even know anymore. I thought it was a memory or something at first. I just kept hearing him and it's like I felt his hands on my face. But I can't see him, just hear his voice. Sometimes he sings, other times he's just saying my name or some other nonsense. I don't know."

"Huh? Odd. What did you think the memory was from though?" Wes twirled his pen between his fingers and stared at Blaine, "not the coffee shop fiasco that could..."

Blaine cut him off, "Yes, that day. When I fell I heard him singing, but it stopped and then I thought I heard his voice again and I know someone had my head on their lap. I couldn't really see him, but he's...I can't have just made him up, you know."

Wes perked up at the possibility of Blaine being interested in a boy.

"Although," Blaine said thoughtfully, "I think sometimes, maybe he is this figment of my imagination. I had just hit my head...I don't know. I thought...I thought I saw him earlier that day here at Dalton, but he couldn't have been at both places." His shoulders dropped and he stifled another yawn.

Wes and Thad shared a look and Wes dropped his current agenda, to drape an arm around Blaine's shoulders. "You're not crazy, Blaine. Maybe...maybe you have a stalker, or there's another reasonable excuse...like, you only saw him here or at the Lima Bean and the other time you just thought you saw him."

Blaine shrugged at Wes. "The thing is I think I've been dreaming about him for as long as I can remember and never before last week have I encountered him outside my mind."

After that, Blaine concentrated on drinking his coffee and ignored Wes who was staring at him with a thoughtful expression.

Blaine went over the entire apparition in his mind again. Blaine was sure someone had been singing, it was what made him look up from his math homework right before he was thrown to the ground and then all he'd felt was pain and he remembered that same voice crooning his name. He didn't know how that boy had known, but then there was a warm, soft hand on his face and he remembered trying to see him and not making him out before his eyes closed again.

When he woke up again the boy was gone.

Blaine shook himself and gulped down the last of his drink and set the empty cup aside, trying to focus on the conjugations on the board. He wrote down the things he deemed important and then dropped his head on the desk, listening to Madame Perrault and hoping it would be enough. When the bell rang, he dragged himself out of the chair and picked up his things, walking out with Wes and Thad.

"If you want to claim you're sick I can vouch for you," Wes said, holding the door open, "you actually do look like you are sick."

Blaine didn't know if going to lounge in his dorm would help him at all, so he shook his head. "I don't think I could go to bed, and I might just drive myself insane trying."

Thad patted his shoulder. "Maybe," he said, "you could try forgetting this boy you don't even know is real and try to find someone else...or, if you really do believe he is out there, look for him. Search for him. Don't just wait for him to find you."

Blaine stared at Thad with surprise. Thad although he was a bit of a gossip and was the main reason Blaine had actually become lead singer for the Warblers, was usually not so pushy about anything with him. That was usually what Wes was there for.

"Thank you," Blaine said and tried to smile, "I think I needed to hear that."

* * *

> _I have no idea if he's out there, but just wondering and asking myself if he's real isn't enough anymore. I have to look for him. And the place to start is The Lima Bean. He can't be a figment of my imagination. The universe would not be that cruel._
> 
> _This won't get Wes off my case, though. I don't think he appreciates the idea of me pining away for some boy I don't even know is real._
> 
> _I don't know if I can handle looking for him..what if he is just something I created, this perfect boy that resides only in my mind._
> 
> _But I can hear his voice, this beautiful melody I can't get enough of._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

* * *

Kurt could still feel the warmth of Blaine's forehead and his half un-gelled hair under his fingers, even a week later. Yet, the memory of having Blaine so close to him, of trying to help him when he'd fallen and not gotten up, was tainted by Rachel Berry's thoughts on the entire matter.

She'd pulled him away from Blaine just as the other boy's eyes were fluttering open, and she hadn't let go of his arm until they were back in his car.

Kurt could still hear her accusatory words in his mind, reverberating like an echo in his mind, "You like him! It's why you went back to Dalton. I should have seen it from the start. God, Kurt! You jumped right off the stage straight towards him without a moment's pause. I can't believe you! You saw what Jesse did to me, no, you can't do this. Just look at his hair!"

Since then, Rachel had been nagging him nonstop and watching him like a hawk. He suspected she'd even gotten some of the other New Directions members to make sure he stayed in school and didn't run off back to Dalton, not that Kurt was planning to. She'd taken back the uniform anyhow, and Kurt had already decided he couldn't keep dreaming about going to Dalton and meeting Blaine properly and having the epic romance that he knew he wouldn't get to experience until he got out of Ohio.

But the thing was, thinking about that fantasy, the dream world where he got to switch schools and join the Warblers and say even a word to Blaine, it was the only thing that kept him from going insane. It kept him from freezing up when he saw Karofsky in the halls, and it was the only thing that made him continue on and not crumble when he was pushed aside in the middle of a hallway, or when yet another slushy dripped down his front.

Kurt closed his eyes tightly. He'd seen them coming. And of course, soon enough the cold, wet, sticky substance was thrown in his face and he heard their laughter followed by high fives. Kurt reached up to remove as much of the slushy as he could from his clothes and face.

Rachel, who had taken to following Kurt when she could, appeared, then, and reached for his hand.

"Don't open your eyes," she advised and led him towards the closest girls' bathroom.

Kurt gratefully followed her and when they got there splashed water on his face first thing and slowly opened his eyes enough to access the damage on his clothes. He groaned. They would definitely need dry cleaning for sure even after he went through them.

"Karofsky really has it out for you, huh?" She asked. "I've...I mean, the jocks have always picked on us...but it's like lately he's just focusing on you."

Kurt shrugged, not looking at her. It was the first time someone was bringing it up in a way that told him they cared, and yet he wasn't particularly appreciative that it was Rachel who'd noticed.

"Kurt, has something else happened?" She asked and then when Kurt didn't answer, went on in a very Rachel manner, into, "this isn't about that Blaine guy again, is it? Because it's really just a bad idea for you to even entertain that you could be together. He probably cares for his glee club even a modicum more than a possible relationship. Give it up, Kurt."

He didn't say anything.

Rachel went on, "you've finally got a solo, Kurt. For Sectionals! You can't blow that all away for some boy...and you know, when you were up on that stage that day, I thought you were going to be so much better than me." She sighed, "we need you here, Kurt, and it's not like you actually know him anyway..."

It was too much. Kurt didn't know how he was supposed to just let Rachel talk to him like some little kid that needed to understand the facts of life. He knew already he had no chance with Blaine and that transferring to Dalton would only happen in his dreams.

Kurt knew better than anyone, his reality, but he wanted to keep the fantasy for as long as possible. He wanted to believe that maybe almost running into him twice meant they had to meet and that even if he didn't look for it, the opportunity would present itself.

"I know, Rachel," Kurt said and rubbed at a red spot on his shirt. He sighed and let it go. "Is it just too much to be able to think that maybe I'd be happier there? You've said it enough times, Rachel, we're alike. Well, right now, I know what is real and what isn't, but just because I do doesn't mean I don't wish my dad had the money to send me to Dalton, or that Blaine and I could just somehow connect without it affecting our perspective glee clubs."

She stared at him, bemused for a moment, before she calmed herself down and said, "I didn't know you were so unhappy here."

"Yeah, well..."

Rachel watched him for a while longer and then pushed off the wall she'd leaned against, "I know it's hard to be so different, specially with Karofsky, but you still have friends here and I'm not just saying that because I'm afraid we'll be sabotaged again. I do mean it, Kurt. You're just...you've been acting differently lately, ever since you went to Dalton."

"And it has nothing to do with New Directions," Kurt said, beginning the same rant he'd given her a few times when she brought up the subject.

She raised a hand. "It's not about that," she said, "you've said it enough...Kurt, what is it about? Something happened..."

Kurt didn't want to tell her. He didn't want to admit out loud what he'd let happen to him.

Rachel, seeming to sense that Kurt wouldn't be talking about it sighed and fixed her shirt. "You have to tell someone," she informed him, "you can't just go through life hiding big things like this probably is. You know that and I know that...and even if you don't tell me, Kurt, I want to help."

Kurt sighed. "There's nothing you can do really. Unless you rid McKinley of Karofsky or find a way for me to go to Dalton, there is nothing you can do."

Kurt didn't like the look that Rachel got, after his last statement. He didn't like it at all. She grinned at him, and not saying a word walked to the door.

"Meet me after school? I want to show you something. It could help. And, Kurt, I'm doing this against every bone in my body..."

She left, then, and Kurt fixed himself up and couldn't help but wonder what she was going to drive him into now. Whatever it was, was not going to end well.

I don't know how to describe it and nor do I want to. I tried to tell Finn, but I don't think I could. I don't know how it works. It was just a stage. It was just a microphone on a stage.

I think you have to be up there...and I want to understand it. I know it'll help Kurt, give him his heart's desires.

I just have to wonder, at what cost? It said there was a price to be paid.

I'm torn. But if he really wants it...then...

From the diary of Rachel Berry

"You weren't up there long enough," Rachel said later that day. She walking hurriedly through some hallways to the choir room.

"Up where long enough?" Kurt followed, trying to match her pace and actually understand whatever it was she was explaining.

Rachel ignored him, "I felt like I was floating, Kurt. There was this energy around me and just a deep understanding." She paused suddenly and turned to face him, her shoulder's drooping a bit.

Kurt almost ran straight into her, but managed to stop himself. He rocked back on his heels. "What?"

"It scared me, Kurt. That power. It was wonderful, and overwhelming and just like nothing I'd ever felt before, but it was the scariest thing I have ever felt. I can't tell you what it told me...and I can't stop you if it's what you want, but I just want you to understand that for all its beauty, it is also, at its core, dangerous."

Kurt still wasn't following. Rachel really had a way of just assuming that he could understand what he was talking about without her mentioning it first. Suddenly, he wondered if this is how Finn felt all the time with Rachel.

"Rachel, what are you talking about?" He asked at long last.

Rachel turned on her heel. "The Lima Bean, Kurt," she called back and continued on in her previous pace.

Kurt followed at more luxurious pace, now that she wasn't talking to him and he had to focus on the possibility of The Lima Bean of all places being dangerous and powerful. Kurt frowned at Rachel's back. Kurt could only rationalize her rant to be about the coffee, but even that made him wonder at her sanity.

"What about The Lima Bean?" Kurt asked, when he'd sat down next to Rachel.

"I just told you. Kurt, did you listen to me at all?"

Kurt opened his mouth to say he had listened to her and she just made absolutely no sense, but instead he shook his head and went to his usual seat next to Mercedes.

"After practice, Kurt," Rachel told him.

He nodded.

Mercedes nudged him. "What was that about?"

"I actually don't have any idea...she was babbling on about something earlier, but, it didn't make a whole lot of sense."

After the Glee meeting, which ended earlier than usual because Mr. Shuester looked like he was going to pass out at any moment, Kurt hugged Mercedes and waited for Rachel.

"I am not going to even hide that I'm curious, Rachel Berry," he told her and eyed Finn who was standing behind her.

"Curious about what?" he asked as he grabbed a folder he'd put under his chair earlier.

Rachel shushed him. "Nothing, Finn. Kurt and I are going to grab some coffee. I'll be over later tonight? Alright?"

He nodded. "Yeah, sounds good. See you later, Dude."

"Do not call me 'dude', Finn!" Kurt glared at the other boy.

Finn shrugged at him. "Sorry."

"Right," Rachel said after he was gone, "I have to explain what I know about it. I guess I wasn't being very clear. I've been very worried about Glee, you know, because once you're not around I'm not going to have any real competition."

Kurt blinked down at her, confused. "Once I'm not around?" he asked.

She smiled at him. "I know I'm not usually so selfless. One could say this is the only thing I have ever done that is not for myself...but, Kurt, you don't think we notice, but we do...and I had half a mind to demand Finn do something about it with the other glee guys, but it's not what you want is it?"

Kurt didn't know when Rachel had started to understand him. Maybe it had to do with how much time she spent watching him to make sure he wasn't running off to Dalton again, Kurt wasn't sure.

"It's not the way to go about it," Kurt said, "violence. That's not going to help the situation in any way but anger them more."

"And it won't rid McKinley of Karofsky either," Rachel added, "I know there's really nothing we can do. I know how these things end up...and I don't want to get a call in the middle of the night from Finn telling me you took the coward's way out."

There were tears in her eyes, Kurt realized, then. And, he'd known they cared, that Rachel cared. He knew that, but seeing such an emotional display from her made it all the more real.

"So, what are you saying, Rachel? Because, the way I see it, there's no solution but waiting it out."

Rachel began to smile at him. "I can give you another option."

"Is that what you've been ranting about, then? But what does the Lima Bean have to do with anything?"

Rachel's smiled widened, "come on, I'll show you."

* * *

> _I know I have the support of my dad and my friends. I know I have people that will care if I ever do go the route that so many kids like me have gone before...I also know I would never do that._
> 
> _If I did that, it'd be like telling them they were right. Saying I was worthless._
> 
> _Rachel doesn't have to worry about me even considering suicide. But, it is tiring going to McKinley. I knew dreaming of Dalton and Blaine gave me an escape, but knowing that I would never get to meet Blaine or go to Dalton made it all the much harder._
> 
> _At this point, I welcome even a solution by one Rachel Berry._
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

* * *

Blaine was on all fours, his lower half sticking out of his closet, when he heard his door open.

"You know, it's customary to knock," he called, his voice muffled.

Wes sighed, "right, but you wouldn't have been able to open the door, all things considered." He leaned to peer into the closet over Blaine, "what are you looking for anyway?"

"Kind of chilly out. I thought I'd get a scarf before going to get coffee. The shelf was too high and David borrowed my chair the other day and, well, there was an incident."

"Oh. Well, you don't have to go anywhere. I got you coffee."

Wes pulled back and walked to set down the cup of coffee he'd gotten Blaine, before he took a seat on Blaine's bed. Blaine emerged from his closet some moments later, holding a few socks in one hand and a wet tie in another.

"Do you just throw your things in your closet and expect them to fly into their hangers or shelves. And how did you get that tie wet?"

Blaine dropped the socks and wet tie into a hamper. "Old water bottle."

Wes rolled his eyes. "I look at your notebooks, and your music sheets and, I don't know, everything else outside of your room and you're the neatest person I know, but the moment you go near clothes, they're just all over the place."

Blaine laughed. "I don't see a point to folding them. They don't need to be put away neat and tidy. My notes, on the other hand do need to be readable."

Wes pointed to the coffee cup.

"You know it's more than just about coffee. I wanted to see if I could find him, see if anyone else had seen him. One of the baristas, maybe. I need to find that boy, Wes."

"I know you want to believe he's real and I'm not trying to take that from you, I just want you to be prepared for the possibility that you're just projecting him because you're lonely. You denied being lonely, Blaine. You said you were happy. You're not and I know you want him, whoever he is, to make you happy, but what if he isn't real?" Wes played with a loose thread from the doublet on the bed.

Blaine sat down next to Wes. "I know what you mean. I've thought about that so much. But Thad's right. I can't just wait for him to find me, when I haven't looked for him. I don't know if he's real. He might not be the boy I picture in my head, but he could be someone like him."

Wes began to smile and Blaine didn't know if he wanted to know what the smile was for or not.

"So," Wes said, the smile still on his lips, "does that mean you're open to dating, then?"

Blaine should have know that was where Wes was headed with the conversation. He sighed.

"You can't have ruled out everyone at Dalton. You don't know everyone. And you are lonely, just admit it."

Blaine heaved another sigh and sipped at his coffee instead of answering Wes. He didn't know how to answer Wes. On the one hand, he knew it was very improbable to find a boy that was exactly like the boy in his dreams, if he even existed, but on the other, he knew the kind of boys that went to Dalton. And, yes, it was him stereotyping, but he really wouldn't be too far off the mark with a lot of them.

"I'll get David and Thad to screen them with me," Wes said, "we'll find you the perfect guy and when the two of you end up married and adopting adorable Chinese babies, you'll thank me."

"Why do they have to be Chinese?" Blaine asked.

Wes frowned at him, "One child rule, Blaine. Plus, don't you want a fully Asian baby?"

It was at this point that David pushed Blaine's already half open door, open further and entered the room, looking excited about something.

"I found the one," he said.

Blaine groaned. "You've already started looking?"

Wes smiled at him in what was supposed to described as innocent but Blaine could only describe as malicious and cunning.

"Who?" he asked, instead of going with his other impulse which included smothering Wes with his pillow. He drank his coffee slowly, letting the liquid warm him.

David grinned at Wes. "You were right," he said, "Pierce is definitely gay. He was really excited when he heard Blaine might be lookin' "

"You mean that you and Wes are looking," Blaine amended with a pointed look in David's direction.

"Lookin'," David repeated.

Blaine and Wes shared a look.

"What?" Wes asked.

David sighed. "And I call you my best friend? Looking, without the 'g'. Sounds better, you know. If you're looking with a 'g' then,"

"They'd know I was a good speller?" Blaine asked and downed the last of the coffee, wishing once again after another of Wes' passable coffee cups, that it had come from the Lima bean.

Wes grinned and shared a look with David. If Blaine was joking then things didn't have to be so bad.

"So, Pierce? I don't know a Pierce."

"Well, then, you'll meet him tomorrow night," David told him as if that settled the matter. "He'll pick you up an hour after practice."

Blaine groaned. "You're not going to tell me anything else. No last name, no description. Nothing? This is possibly the worst idea you've ever concocted. Is there even a Pierce at Dalton?"

Wes got up from Blaine's bed then. "I'd pick and outfit tonight, just in case your closet eats you tomorrow or something, and really, you're making this out to be something terrible. We're not giving you to cannibals or something."

David nodded along. "Could be much, much worse, if we didn't like you. Don't freak out too much, okay."

Both of them walked out of his room, then, and David closed the door behind him. Blaine sighed and sank into his bed, before flopping back onto his back, hands behind his head.

Pierce, he decided, was not the kind of name that the guy he dreamed of would have.

* * *

> _I keep dreaming of him. I thought once that I could see him, but maybe I'm just thinking of my preferences. Now, I hear him. His voice, his laughter, his singing._
> 
> _It falls over me like waves, coming and going. I want to keep him. Have it be high tide forever._
> 
> _I don't want anyone else but him. I want to hear him all the time, hold him while he sings to me. I want to sing with him. We'd be perfect together._
> 
> _Sometimes I think he'll be different from what I've imagined, just perfect at first glance, but not upon further knowing him. But still, I want to meet him and know him and love him._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

* * *

"So I just -" Kurt motioned towards the stage.

Rachel nodded. "Just...wait, Kurt, are you sure you want to do this? I told you how it works...I, just, you have to be sure."

Kurt looked from the stage back to Rachel. Rachel had explained it well enough and he knew it was risky thing to do, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

"You have to be really sure," Rachel pressed, "you don't know that you'll get just what you want and I don't exactly trust this thing, but, if it's what you want...you don't know what Dalton is like. You don't really know that Warbler of your either."

Kurt bit down on his lip and he looked back to the stage. It looked like any normal stage. In fact, Kurt was half convinced, Rachel was playing some sort of prank on him, a cruel prank, but a prank nonetheless. The only thing that made him question the possibility that she was right and this would work, was how scared she seemed to be of the stage and of Kurt getting near it.

"You weren't acting like this last time you wanted me to go on this stage," he said, to try and break the awkward tension that surrounded them.

The Lima Bean was mostly empty. Just the baristas and two older women sitting at a corner table and a young man with hair down to his back, facing away from the stage.

"You don't have to do this, Kurt," Rachel said again, "things can be okay at McKinley. You don't know what it will ask for. Are you really willing to give up something important to you for this?"

Kurt nodded slowly. He was willing. He had nothing to lose.

Rachel frowned, "okay, then, if you're sure." She walked around him and Kurt took a deep breath before he stepped up on the stage.

It felt like any other stage, until the backing track came on. To Kurt it felt like just standing in a cafe, ready to sing something that everyone ignored, but the moment the music came on, everything changed. The stage thrummed under him. The air around him filled with warmth and some sort of electric current that ran a shock through his body.

Somehow he managed to start singing, his voice clear and light, carrying over the cafe, echoing perfectly and smoother than he'd ever heard it.

An indescribable smell surrounded him, something flowery or fruity that he couldn't put a name to mixed in with the smell of coffee and something tangy and the faintness of spearmint. Suddenly the air was heavier, powerful. It was a force that shouldn't be reckoned with. Kurt continued to sing. It demanded that Kurt sing.

"I know what your heart desires. The girl desires many things, but she would not lose a part of herself to gain them. Instead she will work hard and get some of those things, but not what I could give her. She'll still have to make a sacrifice, as do us all, if we want to be happy."

The voice was neutral, belonging to neither a boy or a girl. There was power behind it, and it echoed around him even though Kurt knew no one else could hear it but him.

"I do not play God, Kurt Hummel, I am merely a tool. For this to work, you must understand that. I also respect free will, and I will give you, your wish if you so desire, for a price. A small token. But, I am not God, so you must choose your own fate. You believe truly that what you want will make you happy, and so you must prove that to me."

Kurt kept singing.

"You want your chance at Dalton Academy, and you shall get it. You want to be close to your beloved Blaine, and so it must be, and only when you've proven that what you wanted was for the better...only then will I return what I shall take."

Kurt's voice carried throughout the Lima Bean, better than ever, louder than when he'd started. He hit the notes perfectly; flawlessly. He couldn't concentrate on the singing, it was like it was someone else singing for him. Instead he listened to the voice, wanting to ask questions, but knowing already that it wouldn't answer anything.

"And what is your choice, then, Kurt Hummel? I see your future clearly, your two futures. One is harder than the other. You, as master of yourself, must choose. This is your cross roads."

Kurt knew what he had to do, so as he hit the last note in the song he nodded. "I choose to get my heart's desire," he said, clearly, hearing himself in his head just like the voice.

"So, it shall be."

The voice didn't speak again and Kurt almost waited for Rachel to come out and say something about how gullible he was. But that never came. Instead he felt the energy around him shifting. It was like colors swirling around him. A mist formed and he saw Rachel one last time, before he felt his eyes dropping and everything was going black.

The last thing he heard was, "He must love you for more than what he already sees."


	4. Chapter 4

Wes and David were still not budging and refused to tell Blaine anything about Pierce.

 

"You'll find out tomorrow, Blaine," Wes said and rolled his eyes at David.

 

They were walking to the main building for dinner, and Blaine, who really just wanted to tell Wes that he wasn't going to go on that date, tried talk himself into it by finding out as much as he could about this boy that Wes, David, and apparently even Thad, had deemed to be exactly what he needed.

 

"Wouldn't you like it better to be surprised?" David asked.

 

Blaine sighed. "Blind dates never go well, guys, not that I'd know, but there's just no logic to them. Aren't you supposed to meet someone, get to know them and then go on a date? Find common ground first?"

 

Wes coughed. "Yes, well, you never meet anyone you even consider possibly dating, even if there is common ground."

 

Blaine began to respond, but stopped, and frowned. "Did you hear that?" he asked.

 

"What?"

 

"Just...be quiet for a bit."

 

He heard it again a few moment later, the ruffling of leaves and then someone gasping for air.

 

Wes pointed towards the bushes, where suddenly a boy got up and began brushing dirt off of his clothes, frowning at a piece of paper. It was too dark out to really make him out, but Blaine could see his silhouette. He fumbled with the paper and then folded it up and slipped it into a pocket, before he stepped out of the bushes.

 

David frowned. "Who is that?" he asked Wes in a whisper.

 

Wes shrugged.

 

The boy came further into light and Blaine gasped. It was him. It had to be. He wanted to run over and introduce himself, to make himself known to this strange, almost ethereal boy that had to be the boy he'd been dreaming of. Instead, Blaine found, he couldn't move. But, he didn't have to, because he'd spotted Blaine and was walking towards him .

 

"So maybe Blaine wants to date this guy, then?" David asked, "look at him, he's practically drooling."

 

Wes snorted. "Is it that guy he's been obsessing about?"

 

David shrugged.

 

The boy opened his mouth and tried to speak, but nothing came out. He frowned and something that looked like fear flashed across his eyes. He tried again and then shook his head, mouthing 'no'. Now he looked upset and surprised, and most of all he looked like he'd been cheated.

 

Blaine extended his hand once he'd regained his ability to move. "Hello," he said, "I'm Blaine."

 

Again, the boy tried to speak as he took Blaine's hand, but nothing came out. He stomped his foot on the ground and Blaine did his best to stifle the laugh that was threatening to come up. Why couldn't he speak?

 

"Are you okay?" Blaine asked.

 

He shook his head and touched his throat, opening his mouth as if expecting sound to come out, but nothing did.

 

"You can't speak? Is it like an experiment or something...or are you...are you mute?"

 

Blaine hoped it was an experiment or some crazy religious belief that bound him to not talking for a few hours, or a whole day. If he couldn't talk, if he couldn't sing, if his voice wasn't the voice Blaine had been dreaming of for months, then, he couldn't be him.

 

There was a dismayed expression on his face, tears filling his eyes as he tried to speak again but there was no sound. Blaine swallowed up the feelings that had been ready to burst out. He'd been so sure he was the one. 

 

"Um, are you new here? I've never seen you before," Wes said, stepped forwards when Blaine pulled his hand back.

 

He had composed himself now, and he nodded.

 

"Who's your friend, Blaine?" David asked, coming up behind Wes.

 

Blaine looked from Wes and David to the boy in front of him. "Um, well, I don't know his name. But, let's find out." He took the notebook that David always carried with him, the notebook Blaine suspected of having his every move written in it. "Pen?"

 

Wes pulled one out of his inside blazer pocket and Blaine took it to hand to the very attractive boy in front of him.

 

He took both items and opened the notebook from the back and wrote out his name in neat hand writing.

 

_Kurt Hummel_

 

"Well, then, nice to meet you, Kurt," Wes said, "I'm Wes, and this is David."

 

David smiled at him and then spoke, "Where are you headed? We were just going to dinner, you could come with us?"

 

Kurt looked torn for a moment, and then he nodded and handed the notebook and pen to David. Wes took his pen back before David could pocket it and poked David hard on the arm.

 

Blaine rolled his eyes and turned to Kurt, "so you're new? Do you know what house you're in?"

 

Despite Kurt obviously not being the one, Blaine was nothing if not nice to everyone he met, and there was something about Kurt that made Blaine want to keep talking to the other boy.

 

Kurt nodded, shrugged, and then shook his head. Then, he reached into one of his pockets to check that something was still there and let out a breath, his shoulders slumping a little.

 

Kurt looked sad and like someone had just destroyed his every hope and dream and Blaine didn't know why it hurt him so much to know that Kurt was in pain. He didn't understand why he wanted to protect Kurt from anything that could possibly hurt him.

 

They continued on in silence, because really that was the only state that Kurt could be in, and Blaine continued to peek at the new Dalton student. Kurt wasn't wearing the Dalton uniform, but skinny jeans that must have been a size too small for Kurt and a sweater that must have been designer. He was just Blaine's type, he even had a resemblance to the boy in Blaine's dreams. Except, Kurt had no voice. He never could have sung to Blaine at the Lima Bean.

 

\- - -

>   
>  The universe is cruel. It isn't possible to have him right in front of me and for it to not be him.
> 
>  
> 
> Kurt can't be HIM. It wouldn't be fair to give me a boy without voice, when all I dream of is his beautiful, melodic voice.
> 
>  
> 
> Now, I wonder if my boy even exists.
> 
>  
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

\- - -

 

His throat hurt, a deep aching pain, worse than anything he'd ever felt before. Bruises and cuts from Karofsky he could handle, but this was somehow worse and amplified by what it meant; he'd never be able to sing again. The pain wasn't really physical, although there was a certain soreness to his throat, it was much more metaphorical than anything.

 

Blaine was walking next to him, though, trying to make futile conversation that was going to be all one sided and Kurt yearned to be able to respond, to awe him with the thoughts running through his mind.

 

Kurt hadn't expected it to be his voice that would become his sacrifice. It wasn't fair for his voice of all things to be taken from him, but he'd been willing to give anything up for this. Kurt just didn't know if it had been worth it anymore.

 

"This is the main building," Blaine told him, "the cafeteria, most of the teacher's offices and headmaster's office are in here as well as the auditorium and a few lounges."

 

Kurt nodded to show that he was listening.

 

Blaine continued on, telling him a bit about teachers and classes, and sometimes stopping himself before asking a question that he wouldn't get an answer to.

 

Behind them, Wes and David were talking quietly to each other and Kurt could just make out some of what they were saying, but none of it was important to him. He had everything to worry about. The note had told him not to, but Kurt couldn't help but worry.

 

Somehow, when he'd gotten up on that stage, he hadn't considered what could happen to his father, how this would affect him and his friends. Now, he worried about his dad who had just had a heart attack a few months before and what he would be eating without Kurt there to make his meals. He worried about letting down New Directions, despite Rachel's assurances. All of this, was mixed in with worry that maybe he had been wrong. And if he was wrong, well, he couldn't even bear thinking about it.

 

They reached the cafeteria soon enough and Wes and David practically ran to get food. Blaine chuckled. Kurt looked taken aback.

 

"Don't mind them. They're always like that around food." Blaine smiled at him, "you wouldn't expect it of them, specially Wes, but..."

 

Kurt smiled back, not being able to help himself. Kurt didn't understand what it was about Blaine that affected him so deeply, but even after just having met him and knowing that the Warbler was just being nice because that was obviously who he was, Kurt couldn't help but feel his heart give a little flutter.

 

Kurt who didn't know he was so ravenous until he was taking a seat next to Blaine with his Caesar Salad, and he brought the fork up to his mouth, ate his entire meal trying to figure out what he was supposed to do after dinner was over. He no longer had the uniform, he hadn't enrolled at Dalton exactly. The note had done nothing to offer him instructions on how to proceed. It had assured him that those weren't the things he needed to worry about, but what was Kurt supposed to do, now?

 

It was halfway through the meal that a boy with a heavy looking backpack entered. He dropped the backpack on the floor gently and stole a few fries from Wes' plate, before running off to grab himself something to eat.

 

Only when he returned, did he realize that Kurt was there, and he extended his hand out with a smile.

 

"I'm Thad," he told Kurt, "you must be the new kid. I heard Madame Perrault talking about you. She apparently heard you're good at French."

 

Kurt nodded, a bit saddened by the idea that he wouldn't be able to actually speak or sing in French again. It hit him after that thought that a teacher knew him as the new kid, unless someone else had transferred and was fluent in French. Maybe things would work out.

 

Before Thad could question why Kurt wasn't responding verbally, Wes stepped in, "this is Kurt, Thad. He's...he can't talk."

 

"Oh!" Thad stared at Kurt for a moment, "do you know sign language, then? I've read up on it, a while back actually, but I could dig up some books on it."

 

Kurt hadn't expected that question. He shook his head. Faintly he remembered learning how to spell his name in sign language in elementary school and doing that Beatles song with their Sectionals competition last year with some sign language.

 

Thad nodded thoughtfully. "How do you communicate then? Do you just write everything out? That could get exhausting." He tapped his chin, "do you mind if I analyze you?"

 

Wes and David stared at Thad blankly, and Kurt frowned at him. Blaine coughed.

 

"Thad, tonight is his first night here...um, could you, if possible, refrain from scaring him away with your scientific ways?"

 

Thad had the decency to blush, then, and he ducked his head. "Sorry, Kurt. I've just never met someone who couldn't talk. I can get ahead of myself sometimes."

 

Kurt, although he was a little frightened by Thad and the crazy look he'd gotten in his eyes, smiled at him and mouthed, 'it's okay', and then returned to eating his salad.

 

After dinner, during which Kurt had spent his time watching Wes and David have a fight with their forks between eating and listening to Thad and Blaine telling him more about Dalton, Kurt followed Blaine to the housing office.

 

A nice woman sitting behind a desk smiled at them when they entered.

 

"What can I do for you boys?" She asked.

 

Blaine looked at Kurt and then back at her, before he spoke, "Kurt is a new student. We were wondering what his dorm assignment was."

 

"Last name?"

 

"Hummel."

 

She smiled, "Ah, yes, he's been put in Stevenson in room B24."

 

Blaine gaped and then grinned at Kurt, "well, then, this works out conveniently."

 

Kurt raised an eyebrow in question.

 

"You're my new roommate," Blaine told him. "They really should have told me earlier. I would have cleaned up a bit. Oh, well, come on. So, are your things in your car? We could get Wes and David to help us move you in. You know, it's odd we never get transfers so late in the year." He grabbed Kurt's hand as if it was a normal occurrence, and called back a, "thank you" as they walked back into a hallway.

 

Kurt patted his right pocket with a shake of his head as he let Blaine pull him along, his hand tingling at the feel of the other boy's hand in his.

 

Kurt was confused and surprised and he didn't know what he should be doing. The note hadn't given him specifics, and Blaine's hand holding his own was rendering him thoughtless regardless.

 

"How about I show you the room first? We can get your things afterwards, "Blaine said once they'd gotten outside again.

 

Kurt shrugged. He didn't really know if he even had stuff to move into the room, or where his car was. Magic was good and everything in movies and in books, but there were so many technicalities that were never really considered or ignored. He reached for the note in his pocket again even though he knew that there would be nothing new on it. He took a deep breath and let it out.

 

Blaine let of his hand only once they'd reached another building which was proclaimed, "Stevenson House" on a plaque by the main entrance. He opened the door for Kurt and let him step in before following.

 

Stevenson was decorated like the rest of Dalton, except that it was a bit homier. The door opened directly into a foyer, and through an arched doorway was a common room where a few boys sat with books.

 

"First floor's mostly just the common room, different from the TV room, and a game room. Then there's also the kitchen, which no one really uses it unless they're taking a cooking class, even then. There's three more floors, twelve doubles in each floor, although certain students do have singles, which are all on our floor."

 

Kurt nodded and followed Blaine, taking hold of the polished banister as they walked up the stairs.

 

"We're on the second floor," Blaine told him, "apparently some years back there was this whole prank with the room numbers, so numbers and letters ended up mixed up and they were randomly assigned. I'm pretty sure if Wes had his way, and he very well might next year, he would have gotten someone to put them to order."

 

Kurt shook his head with a grin, wishing he could ask about Wes and how the boy who'd been using a fork to fend off David from his fries, also seemed to have some sort of control issues.

 

They got to the dorm a few moments later, and Blaine stopped, and turned to look at Kurt, "prepare yourself for a mess. I might have been in my closet earlier and, it's not pretty in there."

 

Kurt raised an eyebrow.

 

Blaine bit down on his lip. "Maybe I should go straighten things up a bit," he offered.

 

Kurt shook his head with a grin. Although normally he hated messes, or the implication that clothes weren't being taken care of without the utmost care, the idea that Blaine with slicked back hair, and a uniform that he kept impeccable on his form, could have a streak of messiness, made Blaine seem less like the perfect boy he'd put in his head. Kurt didn't know why he found it so adorable.

 

"Oh, alright, fine," Blaine said and turned the doorknob, pushing the door open.

 

The room wasn't too messy, but Kurt saw at once what Blaine had meant about the closet. There was a half fallen shelf, peeking out from the door and there were Dalton ties everywhere mixed in with some scarves and shoes. Also spilling out of the closet were a few Dalton blazers, still in their hangers.

 

The rest of the room wasn't a mess, per say, just unorganized. One bed was made and on it were a stack of books. One of the desks contained more books, and the other folders and notebooks. There was a laptop on the empty bed as well as a body pillow and what looked like a broken lamp.

 

"I've definitely gotten used to not having a roommate," Blaine said, rubbing his neck, "but I'll clean up tonight so you can have your side of the room...um, so what do you think?"

 

Kurt was still surveying the room. This was where Blaine lived during the school year, that bed covered in a holey green throw was where he slept, and both of the desks -- one meant to be his now -- was where he studied. Suddenly, he understood what the note meant in its post script.

 

He smiled at Blaine and gave him a thumbs up. Blaine laughed.

 

"I hope that means you like it. So, your things?"

\- - -

> __
> 
> My magic will have taken you were you want to be. Do not be alarmed. Your family and friends know where you are, and they will have a logical explanation for why you have gone.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> The path you have chosen lies before you. I cannot tell you if you chose well, only let you go on.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> Now, you can only hope to be right. If it is the happiness and love that you wanted, if it is everything you dreamed then your utter happiness will break my spell and you will get back what I have taken.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> If this is not the case, and you decide to go back to your old life, your payment I shall keep.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> Good luck.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> (P.S. Everything has been dealt with. I've given you as much proximity as possible.)
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> From the note in Kurt's pocket

\- - -

His things had indeed been in his car. His car which had been parked in the Stevenson parking lot. Kurt, after a moment's pause to appreciate that his 'baby' hadn't been left at The Lima Bean, ignored his questions about how whatever magic the stage had, could have achieved this.

 

Then, he, with the help of Blaine, Thad, Wes, and David took his nicely packed boxes up to his and Blaine's room.

 

"I can't believe he wound up being your roommate," David said with a grin as he set down the last box on Kurt's bed.

 

Kurt who had found a dry erase board in his car with a string to put around his neck wrote out a quick, 'thank you' and showed them.

 

Wes shrugged at him, "only our duty to help another Stevenson boy, especially if you're rooming with Blaine, here, and might actually get him to keep his room clean."

 

Blaine punched Wes lightly on the shoulder, "I do keep it clean in a disorganized manner. I don't share your love of labeling where everything goes, Wes."

 

"This," David said as an aside to Kurt, "is why I am very glad to not have to share a room with Wes anymore. Granted, Thad's not much better for a roommate."

 

Kurt wanted to retaliate with something about sharing a room with Finn, but instead just smiled at David. He hated not being able to talk.

 

David and Wes left pretty quickly after that, David claiming homework and Wes song arrangements. Just hearing Wes mention music made Kurt's heart pang painfully. If this didn't work out with Blaine and if Dalton wasn't what he hoped it was, he'd never sing again.

 

Blaine helped him unpack and put his things away. Only the essentials and things Kurt couldn't live without had been in the boxes, but despite only having a fraction of his wardrobe with him, Kurt was happy to have that much of it with him.

 

"Never let me anywhere near your closet, Kurt," Blaine said when they'd finished.

 

Kurt grinned and wrote, 'noted' on the board.

 

"So, um, I've never actually had a roommate before," Blaine told Kurt, "well, I did have Wes for two days before they offered him a single, which is for the best according to David, so I don't really know how to proceed. Um, we could get to know each other better...unless you're tired, must have been a long day..."

 

Kurt regarded him. With Wes and David around he hadn't been able to really focus on Blaine, and it dawned on him yet again how little he actually knew about the other boy. He didn't even know if Blaine was gay. Everything was looking more and more like a mistake as the day wore on.

 

He made the mistake of trying to speak again, but closed his mouth before Blaine could notice.

 

The dry erase board was all good and everything, but having to communicate everything through it made Kurt cringe. When he was younger and all the other boys' voices were changing and his didn't he remembered hating his voice, now, he yearned to have it back.

 

'Not tired' he wrote on the board in green marker.

 

Blaine grinned. "Good, how are we going to do this?"

 

Kurt shrugged his shoulders and dropped himself down on his bed. The mattress was surprisingly comfortable, but it wouldn't match the bed he had at home. Suddenly another thought struck him, when would he go home? When would he see his father again?

 

"I can't have you writing everything, or miming, although that could be fun." Blaine grinned, "but I guess you'll have to write or just let me talk for the rest of the night...but then unless it's a yes or no question I'll learn nothing about you. Hmm...I never thought this would be so hard. I don't know what I would do without my voice."

 

Kurt watched him. Sometime while he was talking, Blaine had stood up and begun pacing the room. As moving his boxes in had proceeded, Blaine had taken off his blazer and rolled up his sleeves. His tie hung loosely around his neck and he's taken off his shoes and socks as soon as it was apparent he wasn't leaving the room again. He looked comfortable and relaxed and Kurt decided then that, yeah, giving up his voice, was definitely worth it.

 

Kurt snapped his fingers to get Blaine's attention after a while, and pointed to his laptop sitting next to him on the bed.

 

"Typing!" Blaine exclaimed, "yes, that works."

 

He practically skipped from his side of the room to Kurt's and dropped next to him on the bed, before scooting back to lean into the wall Kurt's bed was pressed against.

 

Kurt opened the lid and moved back to sit next to Blaine.

 

"Okay, so I guess we can talk morning routines or whatever, so we don't get in each other's ways. I personally like showering at night, and I have no idea if I snore, but I do sometimes stay up way too late, and I hate mornings. Thad says that if I ever let him examine my blood there would be traces of coffee there...I seriously doubt that, but I do like my coffee. I'm also a singer, so I could break out into song from time to time and I do have to practice in here sometimes, so you'll get to hear what my voice sounds like when not backed by twenty other boys. A cappella boys choir."

 

Blaine paused and took a deep breath, "so what about you?"

 

Kurt side glanced him and turned to the computer on his lap, and the open word document.

 

'I have a very important skin cleansing routine and like doing that at night. I do prefer morning showers, so that works out for us. Finn, my almost step-brother says I sometimes'

 

Kurt had to stop there. He's almost said that he spoke in his sleep sometimes, but now he had no voice to speak with.

 

"Sometimes what?" Blaine asked.

 

'never mind. I'm pretty sure Finn was lying. It doesn't matter. Anyway, I'm pretty big on coffee too. I don't mind music in the least, or singing. My clothes are important, obviously. I'm actually a bit of a morning person. I definitely need at least seven hours of sleep a night.'

 

Blaine was reading over his shoulder and Kurt almost had a moment of panic halfway through typing when he leaned in a bit closer and Kurt managed to catch his scent, a mixture of the coffee he said he loved, and an expensive cologne Kurt couldn't put a name to because Blaine being so close made it really hard to think.

 

"So, no all-nighters?" Blaine asked.

 

Kurt shook his head. Lack of sleep never ended well.

 

"Alright. So, what else? Anything else I should know?"

 

Kurt didn't think there was anything that Blaine needed to really know, and he didn't want to bring up the issue of his sexuality, not when it was possible -- although Kurt thought it had to be unlikely -- that Blaine wasn't gay.

 

'I don't think so' he wrote.

 

Blaine nodded thoughtfully and then took a deep breath, "look, I hate stereotypes and I don't want to do that here, because if I'm wrong I don't want to offend you. Are you gay?"

 

Kurt wrote a quick, 'yes' and then looked back at Blaine.

 

Blaine sighed. "Okay. Well, then, you should know I am too. This makes things easier. It's another reason I didn't have a roommate. There was a bit of an issue with another boy. Dalton has a zero tolerance bullying policy but that doesn't mean that someone's prejudices just go away and it was quite apparent to me that even though he said nothing I made him uncomfortable." He paused, then, and pulled his legs up, "I can't imagine dealing with the homophobes of the world without a voice, it must have been hard."

 

Kurt stared at him in surprise. How had Blaine known. The question must have been apparent in his expression, because he didn't have to type it before Blaine was answering him.

 

"It's why you're here, isn't it," Blaine said, "I mean, the only time anyone ever transfers to Dalton it's issues with bullying or the like...I'm only speculating here."

 

Kurt didn't know how to answer. He wasn't there because of Karofsky technically, but hadn't that been what led him to wanting to leave McKinley. Still, Kurt knew he never would have gone to Dalton if he hadn't been spying and seen Blaine.

 

"You don't have to tell me," Blaine said, when Kurt didn't type anything, "I understand if you don't feel comfortable talking about it...or if it's something else. I'm nosy sometimes...we can talk about something else."

 

Kurt nodded. The thing was he didn't want to talk about Karofksy, even if he was part of the reason Kurt had wanted to go to Dalton so badly.

 

Blaine got up from the bed and crossed the room to his side, grabbing a light green ipod nano with tangled headphones connected to it.

 

"This," he told Kurt, "is the one thing in this room that will tell you everything you need to know about me. I would, well I don't know if I'd be able to even function to do anything, if I ever lost Timmy."

 

Kurt mouthed, 'Timmy'.

 

Blaine grinned at him, "that's his name." He extended Timmy to Kurt and reached for Kurt's classic ipod which Kurt had left on his desk. "Do you mind?"

 

Kurt shook his head still in amazement. He couldn't believe the boy in front of him. Blaine was everything that Kurt had ever wanted. He began to look through first a list of Blaine's most played songs, smiling at the lack of almost anything unfamiliar to him.

 

Blaine perched on his own bed, nodded, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as he concentrated, as if looking through Kurt's ipod was a particularly hard task.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> I want to and need to believe that everything will turn out for the better. I need everything to work out for me.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> I've given up more than just my voice for this. I don't want to think about Mercedes, or Tina, or even Finn. I don't want to consider how this is affecting my dad now I won't be around.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> There are so many questions that have been left unanswered and I just want those answers and to know what I'm supposed to do.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

\- - -

 

Kurt fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but Blaine couldn't follow his roommate into the land of slumber. Instead, he sat, legs crossed, half hidden under his covers, trying to decide once and for all what his next move should be.

 

The thing was Kurt was seemingly perfect for him, not only because he was physically the embodiment of everything that was aesthetically pleasing to Blaine, but because Kurt had a certain vulnerability in his eyes that made him want to shelter him from anything that could cause him pain, and because at least three quarters of his favorite music was in Kurt's ipod.

 

But Kurt couldn't speak, he couldn't sing. Blaine had no way of knowing if the boy he'd been imagining and dreaming of for so long was real, or if he could actually fall for Kurt in spite of his lack of voice. He was torn between wanting to know everything about Kurt, letting himself -- he knew it would be an easy enough thing -- just fall for the mute boy, or still looking for him.

 

Kurt turned in his sleep, hand falling to hang from the bed. Blaine admired the porcelain skin for a moment and let himself wonder just what it would be like to have that hand pressed against his cheek. He shook the thought away and sank back into his bed. He absolutely hated not knowing what to do.

 

Blaine stared at the ceiling for a while longer, willing himself to go to sleep, but even the lulling even breaths coming from Kurt didn't make the slightest difference to push him into sleep. He closed his eyes and turned on his side, not facing Kurt, but the wall which was usually the side he preferred, but now all he wanted to do was look at Kurt.

 

Blaine didn't have only decisions to make about what he wanted to do about Kurt, either, there was also, somehow managing to get Wes and David to not bother Kurt too much and Thad to be a little more sensitive and understanding rather than scientific.

 

He heard Kurt moving in his bed again, but this time it wasn't just him rolling over for a better position, he kept moving. Blaine sat up and turned to look at him.

 

Kurt was struggling against his sheets, arms flailing and legs kicking out. If he had been able to scream, Blaine was sure he would have.

 

For a moment, Blaine sat in shock, and then he moved across the room.

 

"Kurt? Kurt?" He reached for Kurt's shoulder and shook him until he was awake, looking disoriented.

 

He mouthed something that Blaine didn't catch and pushed himself into a sitting position.

 

"Do you need anything?" Blaine asked, desperately. "Water, light, something?"

 

Kurt seemed surprised to see him there, for a moment, and then he shook his head, bringing up his knees to his body and hugging them. Blaine sat down next to him on the edge of the bed.

 

"Will you be okay?"

 

He nodded. Blaine could tell he was lying. Of course he wasn't going to be okay, he'd just had a nightmare that seemed to really shake him up.

 

"Are you sure I can't do anything?" Blaine opened his arms for Kurt, impulsively, "not even offer a hug?"

 

Kurt stared at him puzzled, ready to shake his head.

 

"Come on, you need a hug, and we're roommates, now, we're allowed to hug."

 

Kurt looked at him skeptically, but inched towards him hesitantly. Blaine pulled him into his arms and awed at how Kurt just melded into his arms like he was meant to be there. Blaine rubbed at his back soothingly and pulled back only because he shouldn't enjoy having Kurt in his arms so much.

 

Kurt settled himself back into his bed and Blaine got up, glancing at Kurt to make sure he was okay before going back to his own bed, more conflicted than ever. He'd never met anyone like Kurt, anyone that he wanted to take care of with every part of his being.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> I'm not close to my dad anymore. I haven't been for years, but once I asked him how he knew he and mom were meant to be and he told just as simple as anything that it was because she was perfect for him.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> From all different angles, Kurt seems perfect for me. I know it. David knows it. Even Wes seems to agree.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> Still, I can't get the dream out of my head and that voice...it keeps haunting me and now I wish it were coming from him, but I know that could never be.
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> __
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 


	5. Chapter 5

Kurt was more organized than Blaine had expected. As soon as they'd gotten out of their last class, Pre-calculus, Kurt had insisted on going to the school store and Blaine had watching purchase a pack of colorful post-its, highlighters, and once they'd gotten back to their room, he had proceeded to organize his notebooks, color coordinating everything in some sort system that was only known to Kurt.

 

"You're definitely way neater than I am," Blaine told him as he prepared to head back to the main building for Warbler practice. "Will you be alright while I go to a Warbler meeting?"

 

Kurt shrugged at him.

 

"Well, you have my number if you need anything just text me...um, I'll be back in an hour or so."

 

Kurt reached for the dry erase board he carried with him everywhere and wrote out quickly, 'have fun' and drew a lopsided smiley face next to it.

 

Blaine watched Blaine for a while longer before he left. There was something about Kurt that was different from anyone Blaine had ever met. He didn't know if it was the penchant for fashion, or how much care he put into himself, or that although there was a sadness in his eyes, he still managed to smile and continue on.

 

He met David and Thad out in the hall, both boys arguing about something, and quieting down the moment he approached them.

 

"What's up?" he asked, suspiciously.

 

David shrugged. "Nothing. How's the roommate?"

 

"We get along famously, even though he has to write something down every time I talk to him and that can get awkward, but it could be worse. He's a bit of a clean freak, though, so maybe Wes would have made a better roommate, but so far it's going alright."

 

David nodded. "Good."

 

"I still would like to watch him, examine his mannerism. If one can't talk, wouldn't their gesticulation be more of an emphasis?"

 

David and Blaine fixed Thad with a pointed look. He lifted his hands in the air as if to ask, "what?" and then fixed the strap of his messenger bag on his shoulder.

 

Blaine sighed. "Kurt is a person, Thad, he is not a science experiment and I for one would appreciate it if you didn't creepily observe him."

 

Thad looked for a moment offended, then he sighed. "I guess it could be construed as rather creepy to just watch him. But, if I were to befriend him and hang out with him, there would be nothing wrong with asking a few questions and perhaps writing down some observations."

 

Blaine wanted to tell Thad to find someone else to watch, but knew it'd be futile. Thad was already invested in Kurt for whatever reason.

 

"Just don't offend him or something. He's...well, he's very vulnerable, I think. He didn't say last night, but something must have happened to lead him to transferring here. I thought it could be bullying like me but he didn't really confirm that."

 

David frowned, "what makes you think so? He isn't like you were when you first started here."

 

It was partly instinct that made him assume Kurt had been bullied. There was something in the way he held himself sometimes. He had an aura of confidence, but it was a confidence that had been diminished greatly. Blaine had seen him falter and second guess himself all day. Someone had hurt Kurt terribly and it was still affecting him.

 

"Well, for one he's gay, and he mentioned living in Ohio all his life, which points directly to some sort of homophobia being present in his life. He also had a nightmare last night and he acted like it was a normal occurrence, went directly back to sleep at once."

 

They had made it to the main building and David, looking concerned paused before they entered, "you don't want to admit it, but you care about him a whole lot after knowing him for one day. Is he that boy you've been dreaming of?"

 

Blaine shrugged. "Yes. No. I don't know anymore. He looks sometimes just like I imagined, but at the same time he isn't him. I told you I hear his voice. Kurt can't speak, much less sing."

 

"But does a voice matter that much?" Thad asked.

 

"I don't know. I just keep thinking, what if there is someone out there with the voice and everything else that might attract me in Kurt?"

 

They entered the room that doubled as a lounge and Warbler headquarters, to find Wes, already seated behind the council table with gavel in hand, just as he always was. He grinned when they entered.

 

"Pierce texted me," he told them.

 

Blaine had forgotten about Pierce in all the commotion of helping Kurt get settled. But there was a Pierce, and Wes had set up a date for him with said Pierce, and said date was that night.

 

He groaned.

 

David grinned at him and patted him on the back, "I know you're enjoying all this bonding time with Kurt, but since you're not admitting to being already in love with the kid, you can't cancel on Pierce. Not to mention, it'd be rude. You don't want to be rude, do you?"

 

Blaine sighed. He knew there was no way he was getting out of the date, but god did he want to.

 

Thad snickered at him. "You'll like him, Blaine."

 

"Doubt it," he mumbled."

 

"Well, if you're going to be so negative about it, then, yeah, you'll probably hate the date. You're ruin it for the both of you." Wes nodded to himself wisely and hit the council table with the gavel as if his word made that official.

 

"I'm not going into this in a negative way. I just do have a roommate who still doesn't know Dalton very well, who is under the possible scrutiny of Thad and who will most likely develop some sort of psychological problem just by hanging out with the two of you." He pointed at Wes and David.

 

"Oh, he'll love us," David said and walked to take his seat next to Wes.

 

Blaine sighed. "I'll go. I can't back out now, but if he's nowhere near my type, I will refuse to let any of you set me up ever again."

 

"You'll do that anyway," Thad said.

 

He and David shared a look and then simultaneously said, "because you love Kurt."

 

Blaine felt his cheeks warm up. "I've known Kurt for less than twenty-four hours. I'm not in love with him."

 

\- - -

>   
> 
> 
> _They say sometimes the person you're looking for is right in front of you all along. They say there will be a moment, when you just know that you've been blind to that wonderful person that will just make everything better._
> 
> _I don't want to wake up one day and finally realize that Kurt was it all along. But how can he be? I just don't know if I could hurt him if I do find that mysterious boy. I haven't stopped dreaming of his voice._
> 
> _It echoes in my head sometimes even when I'm awake. If Kurt really was the one, I would forget about the voice. I would just care about him and not that he can't speak._
> 
> __  
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

 

Pierce turned out to be about a foot taller than Blaine and ginger. When Blaine opened the door, he almost burst into laughter upon seeing him because he was as far from being his type in looks as it was possible.

 

Kurt who was sprawled out on his bed with post its and index cards, looked up as Blaine opened the door and Blaine thought he saw a flash of annoyance -- though he couldn't identify what Kurt could be annoyed about -- in his eyes before it turned to mirth when he saw the shocked look on Blaine's face.

 

"Hi," Pierce said and shifted his weight from foot to foot in an awkward manner.

 

"Um." Blaine looked back at Kurt, "I guess I'll be back later, then...if you do need something don't hesitate to text me or get David and Thad. They're next door to us, room 56D."

 

Kurt nodded. He looked sad, now, just as he had all day. Blaine couldn't place what had upset him, and he wanted nothing more than the cancel the date that was already shaping up to becoming an evening he would want to forget, and see if he could somehow bring up Kurt's spirits.

 

Kurt flashed him his dry erase board, 'have fun'. Blaine smiled at him.

 

"Thanks. Don't study so hard. You have two weeks to do catch up work."

 

Kurt shrugged at him.

 

Blaine grabbed the light coat he'd left on his bed for easy access, but was stopped when Kurt pulled at the sleeve, shaking his head.

 

"What? Kurt?"

 

Then, Kurt proceeded to do something no one ever did, open Blaine's closet. He was looking through his clothes for a moment, before he found whatever it was he was looking for. It was a jacket that to Blaine looked almost exactly the same as the one Kurt had taken from him. The only difference was that this one was in navy, the cut of the pockets were slightly altered, and it had buttons instead of a zipper.

 

Kurt handed him his choice of jacket.

 

'Much better' he wrote.

 

Blaine rolled his eyes. "You could have said earlier. Thanks, Kurt."

 

Kurt fixed him with a look.

 

Pierce, looking a bit uncomfortable from the doorway, coughed. "Are you ready to go?"

 

Blaine glanced at Kurt one last time and grabbed the scarf that he'd also left on the bed. This time, Kurt just nodded at him in approval although he still looked rather sad. He placed the scarf around his neck and motioned for Pierce to go on. After closing the door behind him, Blaine felt like he'd closed a door in some bigger, but he shook the thought.

 

"I have to stop at David and Thad's room," he told Pierce, "won't take too long."

 

Pierce just nodded.

 

Blaine didn't bother knocking on their door, instead he just turned the knob and pushed it open.

 

"Knock much?" David asked. He was seated on the floor surrounded by piles upon piles of books.

 

"Funny," Blaine said and picked up a random book, a paperback with a strange design on its cover. "What has Thad been searching for?"

 

"No idea, I just got back an hour ago, and I come in to find all these books all over the place. I don't even know where he went. Could still be in the room, for all I know."

 

David and Thad's room was almost always covered in books, sometimes, as was the case now, the piles were so large that they could form walls separating parts of the room. Thad could have very well been in the room, hidden behind mountains of books.

 

"Hey," David said, suddenly, "aren't you supposed to be on a date now?"

 

Blaine nodded. "Yes. Pierce is waiting for me in the hall -- probably for the better. Oh, and the three of you, you're hilarious in what you assume my type is."

 

"Thought you didn't have a type. Although of course, there is always Kurt. So, why are you here?"

 

Blaine sighed, "Yes, well about Kurt. He was looking a bit down so I was just hoping you could keep him company or just check in on him or something. It is only his second night and he had a nightmare last night. It's not easy getting used to Dalton, either."

 

David nodded. "Yeah sure, as long as you finally admit that Kurt is your type."

 

"I'll do no such thing. I can assure you that Pierce is not, however."

 

David grinned and Blaine saw him scribble something down on a notebook he pulled. Without a goodbye, Blaine left the room careful to not knock down any piles of books.

 

"Now, we can go," he told Pierce. "Where are we going?"

 

Pierce laughed, "they really didn't tell you anything, did they?"

 

Blaine nodded, "I kept pestering them. I mean, this is such an awkward situation. A blind date...I don't even know."

 

"Dinner," Pierce told him, "I know an Italian restaurant, if you're not opposed. I figured we could get to know each other. I didn't know what you'd be comfortable doing and everyone likes to eat."

 

Blaine nodded and let out a chuckle. He could grow to like Pierce, he knew, but more as a friend than anything else. There was no instant attraction as far as he was concerned, but he seemed like a nice enough guy.

 

"Sounds good. So, I take it you're driving then?"

 

"If you don't mind."

 

Blaine shrugged, "doesn't really matter to me."

 

When they got outside, Blaine wrapped his scarf around his neck, but didn't put on the coat Kurt had told him to wear. Now that Blaine was looking at it in combination with his scarf and jeans, he understood to some extent how it did go better than the one he'd chosen.

 

"Your roommate," Pierce said as they made their way to his car, a dark green jeep with a black soft top, "he's mute?"

 

Blaine nodded. "He actually just transferred yesterday."

 

Pierce opened the passenger door for Blaine, motioning for him to enter. "That must be odd. I've never dormed. I live just fifteen minutes away, so, I rather just stay at home."

 

"It's not too bad," Blaine said with a shrug. "I mean, at first it was a hard adjustment with the classes and everything, but you get into the flow of things. I actually kind of hate how everything is so set on schedule around here."

 

"Really? And here I was thinking all you Warblers went crazy if there was one minute unplanned for."

 

Blaine snorted. "That would actually describe a few of my fellow Warblers, I'll admit, but organization is one thing, what bothers me more about Dalton is how easily it is to forget the outside world."

 

When they arrived at the restaurant which hadn't been too far from Dalton, Blaine got out of the car before Pierce could go around to open his door which left them with an awkward moment before they headed towards the glass door.

 

They were seated quickly, in a small two person table. The restaurant was just the right size and cozy with dim lighting, and pictures raging in size of Italy and other decorative art depicted around them.

 

"So, is there anything in particular you'd recommend?" Blaine asked to break the silence.

 

\- - -

>   
> 
> 
> _Dating is strange. I don't think I'm entirely comfortable with it. Pierce is a nice guy. He doesn't seem like he could do anything to hurt anyone._
> 
> _He's my first date, ever, and it's going alright so far. I just keep wishing that it wasn't him across from me. But I can't picture who I want with me, making small talk and trying to find common ground with me._
> 
> _Sometimes I think I want it to be Kurt, but what kind of meal would that be, a one sided conversation unless he was writing everything or texting me the entire night. I wish he had a voice._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson   
> 

\- - -

Kurt finished organizing his notebook to his preference about two minutes before David and Thad entered the room without knocking and carrying a laundry basket full of junk food between them. Kurt stared at them.

 

'Blaine's not here' he wrote on his dry erase board in a dark pink color.

 

"Oh, we know," David said, "we just thought we should get to know you a little better. So, movie night?" He waved a DVD he hadn't spotted earlier at him.

 

Kurt didn't know what to make of it. He'd planned to just lie around miserable for the rest of the night, wondering about Blaine's date in order to not think about how much of a mistake it had been for him to sacrifice anything to get out of McKinley, away from the people that loved him into a world he didn't know.

 

"Hey, are you alright?" Thad had his head tilted and was staring at him curiously.

 

He nodded and stood up, bringing his dry erase board along.

 

David and Thad set the basket down on Blaine's bed.

 

"Friday nights," David said, "are the perfect movie nights. Usually Wes and Blaine are around, but it'll just be the three of us today. Is that alright?"

 

Kurt didn't know how he should react. It wasn't that he didn't like either boy, they were just odd and not exactly his friends. He sighed and then shrugged.

 

"Nice," David said and then he and Thad picked up the laundry basked again, "follow us."

 

Kurt opened his mouth to ask them what movie they'd be watching, forgetting yet again that he couldn't possibly ask any question unless it was in written form. He sniffed. He couldn't even vent about it to anyone that would listen.

 

Thad turned to look at him as they continued down the stairs. "Did you need anything, Kurt?"

 

He shook his head and tried to smile, but he knew he hadn't done a good job to convince Thad, who frowned at him, but turned back to facing the front so he didn't fall on the stairs.

 

The common room was empty when they got there and Kurt must have looked like he wanted an explanation for why that was, because David, after opening up some sort of panel that hid the flat screen TV, turned to him, "not everyone stays the weekends if they live close enough to go home. Curfew is also extended so some of the boys go take out their girlfriends if they can or meet up with friends outside of Dalton. It's the one night this room is actually empty."

 

'What are we watching?' Kurt wrote on his board.

 

"A masterpiece of just pure genius," Thad announced.

 

Kurt eyed them warily.

 

"It has everything a proper movie should have," David told him while he messed around with the DVD player, "you will cry, you will laugh, you will even find the meaning of life in this movie."

 

Kurt eyed the two boys, not knowing if he should be worried about what they were thinking of subjecting him to. He'd been around the New Direction boys long enough to know what kind of movies they considered good.

 

Kurt showed them his dry erase board again.

 

"You'll see in a bit," Thad told him, "help me move this a bit closer?"

 

Thad was standing behind the couch and Kurt walked over to help him, pushing it so it was facing the TV and just the slightest bit closer.

 

"We used to have a projector and screen, but there was an incident and the screen was never replaced," David said, grabbing the DVD remote and dropping himself into the corner seat of the couch, "come sit, Kurt."

 

Thad dimmed the lights and brought their multitudes of snacks over. Kurt eyed the laundry basked warily. He knew it'd be rude to refuse to eat anything with them, and he was hungry, but this wasn't the kind of food that he ate.

 

David pressed play and Kurt looked towards the screen with interest.

 

"We're pretty sure you haven't seen it," David said, "you don't seem the kind to be into this stuff, but we have to expose you to certain awesomeness."

 

Kurt blinked at David, wanting to question him further and once more hating that he didn't have a voice. Every time he wanted to express an opinion or do something as simple as ask a question he was restraint by not being able to talk, reminded of what he'd lost. And Blaine was out on a date with a boy that was everything Kurt wasn't.

 

"You'll see in a bit, Kurt," David told him, either ignoring the sadness that must have been displayed on Kurt's face or not noticing.

 

The movie turned out to be Star Wars. "Everyone has to see Star Wars, it's a classic, but just the original ones, not those newer ones."

 

Kurt hadn't seen any of the Star Wars movies. They weren't his thing. They neither had fashionable clothes for Kurt to enjoy, or hot enough boys for him to ogle, although this young Harrison Ford did have some potential.

 

Right from the start of the movie, Kurt was confused. There was something to be said about the plot and how well thought out it had been, but there were still many things that David had to explain to him. Thad for his part was mostly silent during the movie, watching entranced and from time to time glancing at Kurt.

 

About an hour into it, Kurt was already getting bored. He was understanding it better and thought that he could even, if possible, get into it, but every time he had to reach for the dry erase board to write out a question or make a comment on something that he couldn't just not want them to know, he was reminded that he didn't have a voice. It was during those moments that Kurt allowed himself to just sink further into his seat and try to not regret what he had done.

 

"So, are you liking it?" Thad asked, breaking the silence.

 

Kurt shrugged.

 

David choose that moment to begin opening their bags of junk food. He grabbed a bag of potato chips and opened it with a sigh. He took a large handful and handed the bag to Kurt who looked at and took just one, which he stared at.

 

"Kurt, you do know you eat it right?"

 

Kurt felt his cheeks warm up. He took a bite. Kurt couldn't deny that they tasted wonderfully, despite the amount of grease that he could practically taste. He could understand why people wanted to eat this all the time, but as he ate, he couldn't help but think about what just eating this one chip would do him.

 

David and Thad eyed him.

 

"Are you," David began, stopping to try and find the right words, "are you one of those health freaks?" There was something akin to shock and disgust in his voice.

 

Kurt blushed a little, not sure why he got so flustered so easily around these boys. It was his lack of voice, he decided after a while. His voice, powerful and beautiful had always been a source of confidence, now without it he felt small and insignificant. Kurt was still proud, but without his voice to use as a way to express himself there was truly a part of him missing.

 

"Not that there's anything wrong with that," David added, "Blaine does keep telling us to eat better and Wes goes through periodic periods of constant fruit eating."

 

Thad rolled his eyes at David, "Movie nights are the only nights I indulge in this type of food, Kurt, it's alright if we're not having it all the time like David and Wes tend to."

 

David grabbed had opened the double stuffed Oreos and dangled one in front of Kurt, "you know you want it."

 

Kurt couldn't help but laugh, it was a faint sound that was nothing like his normal laugh, but something. He grabbed the oreo and bit into it, smiling at David's triumphant look. Kurt couldn't understand how these boys could be so friendly to him. None of the boys in New Directions had ever invited him to something like this or made the effort to be his friend and yet David and Thad who barely knew him were.

 

The rest of the movie was spent in the same manner, Kurt trying to ignore thoughts about his voice and David constantly waving food in front of Kurt until he ate it. When the movie was close to an end, David pulled out his phone to order Pizza, and Kurt stared at him in surprise.

 

"What?" he asked.

 

'More food?'

 

"Well, yeah, all of this stuff can't replace dinner altogether." David looked shocked that Kurt could even consider that, but Kurt just rolled his eyes. He really did like David and Thad, he settled himself back down next to Thad to continue with the movie.

 

"I'm glad you're having fun," Thad said, "you looked a bit sad earlier. Boarding is hard to get used to."

 

Kurt just nodded.

 

"Not to mention," Thad added a minute later, "Blaine only went on that date to humor Wes so you shouldn't worry about that."

 

A blush appeared on Kurt's cheeks again, and Thad just chuckled and threw an arm around Kurt's shoulders. Kurt glared at him.

 

"Don't even try to deny it, Kurt."

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> I don't understand him. He can't be that homesick, get that sad wistful look on his face every ten or fifteen minutes. There's also no way he's worried about Blaine out with Pierce. There's something else that I'm over looking, something that would make sense._
> 
> _I like Kurt. He might not be able to say anything, or express himself like the rest of us, but he manages well enough. What I want to understand is what the origin of his muteness is and why he keeps forgetting that he is mute._
> 
> _Kurt is the perfect embodiment of the kind of guy I know Blaine could fall for. He explained how the lack of voice would affect him, how important that seemed to be to him, but I still don't get it. It shouldn't matter. Kurt is still perfect for Blaine and Blaine is perfect for Kurt. There are other variables to the equation for sure, but when it comes to love, that shouldn't matter._
> 
> From the secret blog of Thad Jameson

\- - -

 

The date went downhill after they started on their meals with a lull in conversation. Blaine almost appreciated the lack of conversion after a while, and then Pierce began to talk again, and continue talking as he ate, not bothering to pause for when he was eating. It was then, that Blaine discovered he was a Warbler groupie. Of course, he was.

 

"And you guys were just awesome," Pierce was saying as Blaine sipped at his iced tea, "I mean the song arrangement, and just your singing. I wanted to approach you and say something, but you rushed off so fast."

 

Blaine sighed. "Are you finished?" he asked, motioning to his plate.

 

Pierce nodded. "Yeah. So, um, do you think it'd be alright if I went to see you guys at Sectionals? It's in a week or so right? Because who know when you'll do another performance at school again and I'd just love to see you guys..."

 

Blaine tuned him out for a moment and gestured for the waiter to get them the check.

 

"No dessert?" Pierce asked.

 

Blaine shook his head. "Did you want some? I'm not particularly feeling up to it, but if you want some." He silently hoped Pierce didn't actually want any.

 

"I guess not," he said.

 

When the waiter arrived, Blaine took the book and put his debit card inside before Pierce could so much as touch it. He handed it to the waiter at once.

 

"I'll be back in a moment," he said with a smile.

 

Blaine nodded.

 

"I could have paid for that," Pierce said, "in fact, you should have let me."

 

Blaine shook his head. "No, it's alright." He tried to smile at Pierce.

 

"Anyway," Pierce continued, "do you think I could come? I'd drive there myself of course and cheer you guys on. School spirit and everything. Maybe I could get some other guys to come too."

 

The waiter was back and handed Blaine his card. "Thank you," Blaine said. The waiter nodded and walked to another table that had called his attention.

 

Pierce pulled out his wallet to leave a tip, "you can let me do that at least," he said.

 

Blaine shrugged.

 

Once outside, Blaine walked as briskly as possible to the car.

 

"Is there any reason you're rushing?" Pierce asked following, "you still haven't answered me."

 

"I just, um, wanted to make an early night of it tonight. I promised Thad I'd help find a book...you caught a glimpse of his room earlier. You can come to sectionals if you want, it's not just us performing though...but do whatever you want, I'm sure Wes will..." Blaine trailed off.

 

"What?" Pierce asked.

 

Blaine narrowed his eyes at a figure walking out of the restaurant. "Wes," he muttered and then turned to Pierce, "I've had a good night. I just, I have to go, alright?"

 

Before Pierce could reply, Blaine was rushing away. About halfway through their dinner, Blaine had thought he'd seen Wes, but then decided he was just seeing things. Seeing him, now, walking out of the restaurant gave Blaine both a good excuse to ditch Pierce and a person to rant about to.

 

He caught up with Wes as Wes was getting into his car.

 

"Oh," Wes said, when he spotted him, "hello, Blaine."

 

"So, where's Amelia, Wes? You said you were having dinner with your sister tonight, where is she? If I remember correctly it also was dinner at T.G.I.F.s."

 

Wes gulped. "What'd you do with Pierce?"

 

Blaine shrugged, "told him I had to go. Probably the only reason I'm thankful you're here is that I actually got away from him. He's not exactly someone I would call a good date. Did you know he's kind of a Warbler groupie?"

 

Wes snorted. "He's not that bad. He just said he admired our work. I thought you would hit it off because not only did he admire singing but he himself is a singer. He does theater mostly, yet another thing the two of you had in common."

 

"He was also too tall and a red head," Blaine told Wes with a cock of his head.

 

Wes laughed and then motioned for Blaine to get in the car. "I didn't know you were so against red heads. He's still a nice guy, Blaine, you're just choosing not to like him. In fact, I think you won't like anyone we set you up with...not unless it's Kurt."

 

Blaine was nodding along, until Wes mentioned Kurt's name, and then he stopped and shot Wes a glare. "I like Kurt," he said, "I do like him and I think he and I could even get to that point and that's just from knowing what's in his ipod, but I can't get attached to him knowing that he isn't the one I'm looking for...what happens when I do find him?

 

Blaine related the worst parts of his date with Pierce on the way back to Dalton.

 

"Well, at least it makes for a good story...and we really didn't see him as a crazy Warbler fan when we met him. Which isn't the point, you've gotten out there and you had a date and now there's only to find the right person for you to date."

 

Blaine knew what was coming then. Wes parked his car in his usual spot and then the two of them got out.

 

"So you found someone else you've deemed my type? I hate to break it to you, Wes, but I don't think you know me very well."

 

Wes shook his head. "We did find someone, and we do know you. Pierce was never meant to be your soul mate. He was more of a test, so to speak."

 

They entered Stevenson with Blaine pondering what Wes could possibly mean, but paused mid thought when he heard laughter from the common room and the sound of someone typing rather quickly.

 

"Wes, you're back!" David was suddenly out in the foyer, "just in time for The Empire Strikes Back." David noticed Blaine, then, "how was the date?"

 

Blaine rolled his eyes and said, "he was ginger and a Warbler fanboy, how do you think it went?"

 

Kurt and Thad were seated on the couch with Kurt's computer. There was junk food everywhere and two boxes of pizza on the coffee table in front of them. On the screen the movie was just beginning.

 

"Maybe if you found me someone that liked Star Wars instead of the Warblers things might go better," he said to Wes and David.

 

Thad looked up then, "hey, Blaine, I take it, it didn't go well?"

 

Blaine nodded. "I came home with Wes, Thad, which as it happens leads me to something else I haven't yet forgotten..."

 

Wes who had grabbed marshmallows, looked down.

 

"What did you do, Wes?"

 

Everyone looked towards Wes, even Kurt.

 

"He was spying on my date, that is what he did," Blaine said, smiling a bit because really there was something hilarious about the idea. 

 

Blaine walked around the couch and sat down on Kurt's other side, grinning at him. "Hey," he said, "so how was your night?"

 

Kurt shrugged with a smile that Blaine was glad to note reached his eyes.

 

"Well, I hope that means it was good."

 

Wes and David sprawled themselves out on the floor and Kurt closed the lid on his laptop and set it aside, before pulling up his feet for a more comfortable position. Blaine couldn't help but keep glancing at him. Kurt, looking happy like he didn't have any worries made him look if possible more radiant, more beautiful. Kurt turned and caught him watching him, he raised an eyebrow.

 

"You just, you look happy," Blaine said, "you were a bit distraught earlier...I just, I like that you're happy."

 

Kurt leaned towards him and hugged him for a moment that ended too quickly.

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> Dalton is the haven I imagined. It is almost exactly what I wanted. David and Thad treat me like any other guy. My sexuality doesn't matter to them. It is just a fact, it doesn't seem to affect how they treat me either way._
> 
> _School is bound to be harder, but then this is a boarding school, but even that will be a challenge I'll take happily._
> 
> _What I miss is my voice. I miss being able to sing my feelings out to the world. I miss being able to call up Mercedes and talk on the phone for hours._
> 
> _Still, I have friends here and even just being Blaine's friend is enough for now. My bruises are healing slowly, but they're going away for once. I'm beginning to accept what this all means, but I still need for Blaine to love me. I still need to get my voice back._
> 
> __  
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel


	6. Chapter 6

Blaine was lying on his bed, head propped up on his body pillow, a book lying upside down on his chest, when Kurt freshly showered and dressed entered their room from the adjoining bathroom.

 

Blaine's head shot up at once, a silly expectant grin playing at his lips, "what do you want to do today, Kurt?" He asked.

 

Kurt shrugged. There was a pile of homework on his desk that he needed to get through; none of it due for another two weeks, but he wasn't supposed to fall behind on their current work load while he dealt with it.

 

"I don't really want to care about Shakespeare today," Blaine announced, "iambic pentameter is a ridiculous meter to write anything in and I will not abide for it on a Sunday morning."

 

Kurt laughed. It was faint, a barely there sound but the most he could make at any time.

 

"Not to mention that for once," Blaine continued, as he sat up, not caring that his book dropped to the ground, losing his page, "I have a weekend not packed with Warbler rehearsals despite Sectionals being next week. Sometimes I love Wes' family."

 

Earlier that morning, they'd been woken up by David complaining loudly in the hall about Wes dragging him along to some sort of family brunch, when it wasn't even his family that was going to be present.

 

Wes had retaliated with, "suck it up, David, you're as much as their son as I am. I think they even like you better, sometimes. You spend way too much of your time at my house as it is."

 

"Yeah," David had said with a snort, "because you keep dragging me there."

 

Kurt hadn't been able to go back to sleep after listening to the rest of their conversation, even after he heard them leave. Blaine who had made an attempt at going back to sleep but failed when Kurt threw open the curtains, explained to Kurt that Wes absolutely hated going home but still somehow he and David managed to spend almost every holiday together with Wes' family.

 

"So," Blaine said after putting King Lear aside and swinging his legs off of his bed, "I want to go walk around town. I haven't gotten to do that since last year after we lost at Sectionals and it wasn't particularly pretty out by that point." He pointed towards the window.

 

Kurt grabbed the dry erase board and one of the markers that were scattered throughout the room. This one was orange.

 

'Why'd you ask me what I wanted to do, if you already knew what you wanted to do?'

 

Blaine shrugged. "Seemed the polite thing to do." He waited a moment and then, "so are we going to wander?" Blaine pouted at him and Kurt rolled his eyes and nodded.

 

"Nice!" He ran towards his closet and grabbed the nearest jacket, but Kurt tugged it out of his hold, with a shake of his head and put it back before handing him a more appropriate one.

 

"Thanks," Blaine said and grabbed his car keys from his desk and opening the door excitedly, "come on, hurry up."

 

A few minutes later, they were in Blaine's car and he was pulling out of his spot. Kurt looked out the window at Dalton again, despite being there for three days the buildings had not ceased to amaze him. Blaine must have noticed him looking.

 

"I picked this school because of its architecture," Blaine said. "Well, that and my uncle actually went here and he suggested it to my parents when I was having problems at school--" he turned to look at Kurt "--bullies and a combination of uncaring teachers for a kid like me who liked school was not a good mix."

 

Kurt wanted to spill everything right then and there. He wanted to tell Blaine about Karofsky and the kiss and all the other times he'd been bullied. He wanted to tell him about Finn and how that had gone down. Kurt wanted to tell Blaine everything, even what had happened with his voice. Blaine seemed to sense this, that there was something Kurt wanted to say, but he didn't push.

 

The thing was that saying it out loud would have been hard enough. He didn't know if he could write it all out, see what had happened to him on paper or on the screen of his computer.

 

Blaine turned on the radio, then, to rid them of the silence. It was a top 40 station that Kurt usually abhorred, but he didn't make an attempt to let Blaine know that. A Katy Perry song was on, one whose name Kurt couldn't remember, but it offered a door into conversation for Blaine.

 

"We were going to do Katy Perry for Sectionals," Blaine said, "not this song, 'Teenage Dream', but apparently someone said that they saw someone taping the performance, so Wes being the paranoid council member that he is, took that off of our set list."

 

Kurt wanted to rid himself of the flush that had no doubt made its way to his face. Someone had seen him while he was spying, but obviously not described him to Wes otherwise he doubted he'd still be around.

 

"I don't think it was a spy, personally," Blaine continued, "After meeting Pierce, I don't doubt that it was some crazy fan again. I didn't know we had any of those. I mean, the Warblers are like rock stars around here, but I didn't think that meant there would be Warbler groupies." He shuddered.

 

Kurt grinned and looked out the window. Blaine was right. It was beautiful at this time of year, with the leaves all different colors and still mostly on their rightful trees.

 

"So, um, not to be rude or anything, but I was wondering, just because Thad sort of asked and then I couldn't help but question it, have you been mute all your life?"

 

It was a question that Kurt hadn't expected from Blaine. He'd expected it directly from Thad who Kurt was starting to learn was just thirsty for any and all knowledge that he could gather. He didn't know how to answer it.

 

Lying to Blaine, he knew, was going to leave him feeling guilty and would definitely not endear him to the other boy when he eventually found out, but telling him the truth, that his voice had been taken from him by a magical stage, also wasn't an option. Kurt also knew enough about Blaine to know that the other boy was not going to take Kurt telling him he'd lost it in some sort of accident without more questions, questions that Kurt wouldn't be able to answer.

 

So, he nodded, feeling terrible as he told Blaine that he'd been mute since birth.

 

"Oh," Blaine said and Kurt thought he saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes. "Is it...is it better that you've never talked do you think? Not missing something you've never had."

 

Kurt couldn't say, because he was missing something that he'd always had.

 

"I guess it sucks either way," Blaine said, answering for Kurt.

 

Kurt nodded.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _I wish I could tell him. I want to just tell him, "I had a voice. I could talk. I could sing. It was my greatest pleasure to sing. I gave all of that up for you."_
> 
> _It could be one of the greatest romantic gestures ever, or the creepiest. I don't know how Blaine would take it. I gave my voice up for him and Dalton before I knew him properly. I don't even really know him now._
> 
> _I want to tell him everything. I've never wanted to tell anyone everything, but I want to tell him._
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel
> 
>  

\- - -

 

Kurt was lying. Blaine didn't know how he knew it, but he did. There was something he wasn't saying about his lack of voice, and Blaine wanted to get right down to the bottom of it. He parked his car and opened the door.

 

"I love parks," he told Kurt with a grin, "but I don't want to spend all our time in here, we can bring food back and eat here later, or maybe just walk around."

 

Kurt merely smiled back, a smile that didn't reach his eyes. Blaine grabbed his hand and pulled him in the direction he wanted them to go, towards the main part of town.

 

"There's this gelato place somewhere around here that I came to once with Thad. We should try and find it later, but for now I just want to walk around, browse the stores or something."

 

Kurt perked up at the sound of stores.

 

"I don't think there'll be something quite to your standards..." Blaine trailed off and looked at Kurt's outfit.

 

Kurt lifted his chin up a bit, which made Blaine laugh. Kurt was absolutely everything that Blaine had needed in his life, he realized then. It had been only three days, but those three days had lacked that which had previously made it boring. Kurt made things interesting. Whether that was because he was a welcome change into his life, or because Kurt himself made everything fresh and different, Blaine didn't know, but he'd take it regardless.

 

They walked for a while until they got to a small second hand shop that Kurt had to enter.

 

Via text he explained, 'there's always something vintage in these places...and other than clothes, certain old things are cool.'.

 

While Kurt browsed through clothes, Blaine walked around looking at anything that caught his eye. There were shelves of books he knew Thad would have gone through to find anything that he was missing in his collection, and a record player that Blaine thought would be cool to just have around. There were clocks and mirrors, and tons of other endless things that Blaine wanted to know more about.

 

Kurt was only about halfway through the rack of clothes when Blaine had finished walking around the store, glancing at anything that caught his eye twice. He settled for leaning against an old wooden bookshelf to watch him and admired the precision with which Kurt seemed to go through pieces that he particularly liked.

 

By the time, he was finished, Blaine had come to the conclusion that being able to express himself through clothes did for Kurt what singing did for Blaine.

 

"I see you've found a few things," Blaine said.

 

Kurt had a few articles of clothing over one arm. He nodded enthusiastically as he headed in the direction of the checkout table, where Blaine watched him interact with an older woman through a piece of printer paper. He must have gotten what he wanted, because he pulled out his wallet and handed the woman some cash, and she bagged up his purchases.

 

They continued walking around after that, Kurt holding the bag he'd gotten from the shop they'd entered even though Blaine offered to carry it.

 

Blaine thought it was strange how easy it was to just be with Kurt. Usually, he always wanted to chatter the silence away when he was in the company of one of his friends, but with Kurt, there was no need to. Blaine didn't know if it was because Kurt couldn't talk or if it was just some sort of understanding that they could say anything but didn't need to.

 

When they approached the music store that Blaine wanted to stop at for a moment, Blaine thought that Kurt tensed up next to him, but when he glanced at him it was as if nothing had happened and for a moment Blaine was convinced that he had imagined it.

 

The music store had a piano right at the front that Blaine had played the last time he was there. The piano had been his first exposure to music as a child. It was one of the few things he and his mother had bonded over, she'd taught him how to play at first, before pushing him off to an instructor. Afterwards, when Blaine knew everything he could about playing she'd proudly played with him and complimented him. As soon as they entered he headed towards it, and Kurt followed.

 

"Come on, sit, I'll play you something," he told Kurt, hoping to cheer him up.

 

Kurt eyed the piano and then sat down, dropping his bag to the side. He followed Blaine's fingers with his eyes as they began to press down on the ivory keys. A mixture of emotions swirled in Kurt's eyes and his hands which he had clasped on his lap, twitched, as if they wanted to join Blaine's. After a moment they did. Blaine turned to look at him in surprise, letting Kurt take over and begin playing another song.

 

Blaine watched him and listened entranced. Not once had Kurt give even the slightest hint that he had such talent or knew music to any extent. Kurt finished playing some moments later and smiled a little, fingers caressing one of the keys.

 

"There's a piano at Dalton, you know," Blaine said, "if you wanted to play. You're really good."

 

Blaine got up, then, leaving Kurt to start playing something else while he looked through a few CDs.

 

"Anything I can help you with?" a tall man with a fedora asked.

 

"No thank you, just looking."

 

Blaine walked around not really looking at anything, too focused on listening to Kurt's playing. When Kurt finished, Blaine walked towards him, dropping his hands on Kurt's shoulders.

 

"That was beautiful."

 

Kurt shrugged, but smiled beatifically up at Blaine.

 

"Lunch?" Blaine asked and grabbed Kurt's bag before Kurt could and walked to the door before Kurt could take it back and then took off running.

 

Kurt ran after Blaine and fell right into him when he came to an abrupt stop. He pulled back at once with a bit of a groan and a questioning look. Blaine didn't know how having Kurt against him for the split second he had been would make him feel, but he shook the feeling away.

 

"Just this place has great food," Blaine said.

 

It was a Mexican restaurant to which Kurt began to shake his head at once, mouthing the word, 'no'. Blaine chuckled at him. Mexican had been in his discomfort zone once too, but all food eventually became part of his life after meeting Wes and David and this was one of their regular take-out places.

 

"Come on, live a little, Kurt," Blaine said and grabbed his wrist with his free hand, pulling Kurt after him through the open door, "I'll get you something good, I promise."

 

Kurt looked skeptical and Blaine was surprised when he knew exactly what Kurt meant by his look, 'do you even speak Spanish?'

 

"I know enough Spanish to order. David though. His mom is actually part Puerto Rican or something and according to David that part of her family comes out when she's angry. The one time I met her, she was at Dalton to talk to one of David's teachers -- might have been the Spanish one, actually -- and she was yelling at him in half Spanish and English, it was the most amusing thing ever."

 

Kurt had pulled out his phone and he typed out, 'Spanglish. I shall refuse all food from here.'

 

"Like the movie, right, should have thought of that. Doesn't seem like your type of movie…anyway, you'll definitely like the food from here. There's these sandwiches they make with meat, avocado, cheese, and--" he thought for a moment "--tomato, I think. They're just amazing."

 

There was a small smile playing on Kurt's lips that he kept trying to hide from him in order to keep his stance on no Mexican food.

 

Blaine grinned and pulled him closer, doing his best pout. "Try it for me? And if you don't like it, then we can go where ever you want to go. It's a misconception that all Mexican food is spicy, just so you know. It's Indian you have to worry about and I don't think even I'm up for that."

 

Kurt sighed and rolled his eyes and then nodded his consent to the food.

 

Twenty minutes later, Kurt was trying his first bite of the sandwich that Blaine had ordered and Blaine watched him before digging into his own food, a hard tortilla with cut up pieces of beef, lettuce, and tomato. Kurt was eyeing his food warily, but then gasped and Blaine grinned.

 

"Told you they're awesome."

 

Kurt wiped his hands to bring out his cell phone again. 'What else is in this? That sauce, what is it?'

 

Blaine shrugged. Kurt gave him a look that clearly told him he'd been unhelpful, and then proceeded to continue with his meal.

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> For whatever reason, and I really would love to understand exactly why, I keep picturing the two of us walking around New York, me dragging him into restaurants he wouldn't have tried otherwise and him humoring me at first and then loving it._
> 
> _I can imagine us together, despite everything and I don't even feel that wonder for that other boy._
> 
> _Still, this is Kurt and I'm just learning to be his friend, just now getting to understand him and there's a lot he isn't telling me. I want to share with him my world. Every bit of me, I want him to know, even if this -- whatever THIS is -- winds up being nothing more than the greatest friendship I'll ever have._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

"Aha!"

 

The shout was followed by a loud thud, and then the crashing of many objects having fallen to the ground. Then, a few minutes later, the door to David and Thad's room was pushed open and Thad slipped out, a worn book clutched to his chest. He closed the door behind him quickly, and after making sure that no books had fallen out of his room, he rushed down the hall to the stairs and climbed them two at a time.

 

He'd been looking for this particular book since Friday, but it wasn't until now, with just an hour until dinner, that Thad found it. He knocked on the first door on the third floor and a disgruntled boy opened the door, his blond hair in disarray.

 

"Jeff, let me in, I found it," Thad said and didn't wait for Jeff to properly invite him, and instead he walked right in.

 

"Found what?" Jeff asked and closed his door behind him.

 

Jeff Donovan was one of the few people that could listen to Thad rant about any subject and even begin to understand what Thad was getting at.

 

"The book I told you about that my uncle gave me. See, I haven't figured it all out yet, but Kurt just, there's something about him that isn't quite right. I mean, everything about how he showed up was strange. He refuses to really answer anything about his voice and he knows quite a bit about singing, but can't do it himself."

 

Jeff stared at him blankly. "Okay. Those are all observations, what do you need the book for?"

 

Here, Thad looked a bit apprehensive. He didn't know how to explain it without sounding crazy. It had been only a story when he'd first heard it and the only evidence that said it was even possible, all rested on people he'd met online through his blog.

 

"Thad, what is it?"

 

For all that Jeff understood Thad, he was also very impatient, and hated to sit still listening to Thad for too long when there were things like Call of Duty games to be played.

 

Thad remained silent for a moment longer, and then at last he spoke, "it's sort of a family legend. I was very skeptical of it as a child and, I mean, there is no proof that it actually happened, but my mom is really adamant that it did. She says it's what brought her and my dad together."

 

Jeff threw himself on his bed, flopping there for a moment. He raised an eyebrow, "and this has anything to do with the new kid, how?"

 

Thad took a deep breath. Here was the moment where Jeff could laugh at him and send him back to his room.

 

"My mom said," Thad spoke slowly, "she said that it had to do with a wish. She's kind of always told me to not wish for anything which is just as well, but anyway, she claims that everything would have gone differently if she didn't end up missing her flight home. So, she and her best friend decide it isn't too far to drive. Of course, there's a storm or something and they have to stop at a bar.

 

"She was a singer, my mom, and so they're having Karaoke night or something and she gets up to sing and according to her, she sounded better than she ever did anywhere else, up there. She said she made a wish while on the stage, something to do with my dad, she's never told me what, but this stage did something to her, like a spell."

 

Jeff sat up on his elbows, "and you think Kurt did something like this?"

 

Thad sighed. "Yes. No. I don't know, maybe. Listen, for weeks before Kurt appeared, Blaine kept dreaming about a boy that looked like him and had this apparently amazing voice. He seemed to change his mind about what he looked like after a while, but the voice stayed with him."

 

"And you think Kurt, who is mute, is this boy." Jeff dropped himself back, "and how do you explain his lack of voice."

 

"That," Thad said, "is what this book is for."

 

Jeff took the book from Thad's hand and opened it to the first page. "This is just a book about people like Kurt." 

 

Thad nodded, "that's the point, Jeff."

 

Jeff eyed Thad and stood up from his bed, "so," he said, "you not only think some magical force is trying to get Kurt and Blaine together and has somehow made Kurt mute, but you also have a book on mutes and think it will give you all the answers."

 

Thad nodded again. It wasn't that he didn't believe in all that stuff about the stage, he just knew that everything about Kurt just wasn't going to fit the right profile, especially if he claimed to have been mute all his life.

 

Jeff paced his room, the book still in his hands, "so, you want to prove that Kurt isn't mute even though he can't talk?"

 

"Exactly. I don't know if it has anything to do with the stage, but sometimes I think it does. It's just too strange for it not to do with any sort of supernatural force and you know the stories that are out there. This is the only way I can prove that something like magic exists."

 

"Does it have to involve a magic stage? Really?"

 

Thad shrugged. He didn't know for sure that he was right, or that his parents had even been telling him the truth, but that didn't matter, Kurt was lying about something and Thad was pretty much sure about what it was.

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> I have spoken often about my family in this blog, and sent out my thoughts to you blogosphere people that for some reason tend to like what I say._
> 
> _In one such instance, I spoke about a stage and the crazy story my mother wants to claim as being a large part of how she and my father got together. I’ve never wanted to believe that she wasn’t just telling me some crazy story in order to hide something from me, but due to some of the comments on the afore mentioned post, I had to question if maybe it was possible, in some way, that what she was telling me was true._
> 
> _There are websites about this, as I discovered during those discussions, websites that talk about how it works to a certain extent. Of course there is always the mention of how no one can really talk about it._
> 
> _I bring this up again, because I suspect that the stage is at work again. I don’t know much about it, but I am concerned for my friend, if this is the case. Any information would be very welcome._
> 
> __  
> From the secret blog of Thad Jameson  
> 

\- - -

 

"Let's play a game," Blaine said. They were walking around the park.

 

Kurt lifted an eyebrow.

 

"A question game. We know so little about each other, still...I don't even know when your birthday is or your favorite color."

 

Kurt shrugged in agreement.

 

"So," Blaine continued, "I know you can't actually talk and that makes this harder and awkward, but we can do this with you texting, right?"

 

Kurt had already pulled out his phone and quickly typed something which he showed Blaine, 'how do you want to start?'

 

Blaine paused, looking around and then grabbed Kurt's hand and pulled him towards a tree. He sat down at the base of it, but Kurt shook his head, didn't Blaine realize how dirty the ground was, he couldn't get that on his clothes.

 

"Come on, Kurt, sit," Blaine looked up at him with a look that Kurt didn't want to ignore but would have to.

 

He looked around and spotted a bench and pointed it out to Blaine, who sighed and reached his hands up for Kurt to take and help him up, Kurt did, stumbling backwards a bit and bring Blaine with him. They stood just a few inches apart, not quite touching but in each other's personal space.

 

"Sorry," Blaine said, letting go of one of Kurt's hands to push back a lock of Kurt's hair. He smiled a little, "your hair is as soft as it looks."

 

Kurt blushed. He wanted to retaliate with something about Blaine's hair, but reaching for his phone, he knew, would ruin the moment. Instead, he stood still as possible, trying to hold down the blush that wanted to appear on his cheeks at Blaine's proximity, his hand in his, and the hand that still just hung just a little beyond touching Kurt's face.

 

Blaine pulled back suddenly. "Sorry," he said again and then pulled Kurt towards the bench.

 

They sat down with the awkward tension still hanging around them, Kurt’s phone in his hand.

 

“Okay,” Blaine said and rubbed his hands together before turning his body so he was facing Kurt, “questions. We can do just a list of general things and we can both just answer, or we could each ask a specific question.”

 

Kurt shrugged at him as he crossed his legs and properly fixed his hair, his eyes following Blaine’s shifting movements next to him.

 

“Fine, I guess we could do specifics, it’ll cover everything…” he trailed off and rubbed at the back of his neck, “do you want to start, or should I?”

 

Kurt motioned for him to go. There were lots of things he wanted to know about Blaine. In fact, he wanted to know everything about Blaine, but he wasn’t sure if he felt comfortable asking certain questions.

 

“Alright, um, well I mentioned earlier not knowing those important little things, so let’s start there, what’s your favorite color?”

 

‘I don’t think I could answer that. I can’t pick just one. I like them all.’

 

Blaine laughed. “Of course you do. I should have expected that actually. I’ve seen your wardrobe.”

 

Kurt looked down at his clothes. He didn’t think he went for colorful pieces. That he had certain things in a few colors was a different idea altogether.

 

‘Okay, you, what’s your favorite color?’

 

“It is a hard question to answer, you’re right, but I have to go with green. I’ve been told that it brings out my eyes and it’s a pretty color.”

 

Kurt glanced at Blaine’s eyes and nodded, the proper shade of green would bring out the specks of green in his eyes.

 

“So, alright, do you have any siblings?”

 

‘I’m an only child, but my dad is dating this woman and I’m pretty sure they’re headed for marriage, so I could be gaining a step-brother.’

 

Blaine answered the same question with a no, being an only child as well, and after a few more questions dealing with the general aspects of their lives: birthdays, favorite TV shows, and phobias, they moved onto more personal questions.

 

They talked, in their way, for hours, and it was only when the sun had begun to set, that Kurt remembered he had a pile of homework waiting for him back at their dorm.

 

Their questions had spread over numerous subjects, Blaine asking Kurt about his coming out to his parents, and Kurt questioning Blaine about when he started singing. Neither brought up Kurt's lack of voice and Blaine avoided answering anything about his family.

 

"Today was fun," Blaine said as they walked back to his car, and moved closer to Kurt.

 

Kurt grinned at him and nodded vigorously.

 

They drove to Dalton with the radio on, just enjoying each other's company and were walking back to Stevenson when David and Wes arrived back to Dalton in Wes' car.

 

"Oh, home!" David cried, "how I have missed you."

 

He and Wes shared glares and when they spotted Blaine, ran towards him, both beginning their separate tirades at once. Kurt looked between them and then motioned to Blaine that he was heading inside. Blaine nodded and grinned at him.

 

Kurt was smiling to himself as he headed to his and Blaine's dorm, suddenly not caring that there was a whole bunch of makeup work waiting for him or that he'd wasted precious time he could have been working on his homework to hang out with Blaine -- not that it had been a waste of time. He'd just opened the door, when Thad appeared.

 

"Hey, Kurt, what are you up to? And where's Blaine?"

 

Kurt eyed Thad and pointed to the stairs and then moved his hand in the air as if he were writing. Thad blinked at him.

 

"Not sure what you mean, but I'll just hang out with you in your room, shall I?"

 

Kurt pushed the door open and let Thad inside. He got himself comfortable and then sat down at his desk.

 

"Ah, catch up work," Thad said, coming to stand behind him, "I could help you with some of this."

 

Kurt grinned up at him.

 

Thad picked up one of his assignments, as he read over it, he spoke, "I looked up a few things about mutes," he said, "all very interesting stuff, so I have to wonder just how bad your diagnostic is."

 

Kurt stared at him in surprise, not knowing how to react. Was his muteness any way alike to someone that had actually been born with it as he was claimed to be?

 

Thad handed Kurt back the history essay description. "I'll get you a few books that could help with this." He smiled at Kurt.

 

Kurt nodded and Thad left the room, leaving the door open.

 

Blaine, Wes, and David entered some minutes later. Wes and David seemed to have made up and Blaine rolled his eyes at Kurt.

 

"Was that Thad I just saw leaving?"

 

Kurt grabbed his board, 'He's bringing me books'. He turned back to his homework. Thad returned some minutes later and gave him three books already marked with post its for their important passages. Kurt practically hugged Thad, when he realized how much easier he'd made his work.

 

While Kurt worked on his homework, Blaine, Wes, David, and Thad hung out of the floor complaining about Shakespeare and their English assignment. Eventually he tuned them out to concentrate on his homework. He must have missed something in the conversation, because before he knew it, Blaine was laughing and Kurt only caught a few words.

 

"Sure, date it is, then."

 

He turned to look at them to find Blaine on Wes' phone, blushing.

 

"This one won't be terrible," Wes assured him once the phone call had been ended and he had his phone back.

 

Kurt felt his chest constrict. Hadn't Blaine had a good time with him? Didn't he realize that Kurt was right there and perfect for him. Hadn't this day taught him how similar and compatible they were?

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> I know it wasn't a date, as much as it felt like it. I spend time with Mercedes and even Rachel like I did with Blaine today and maybe he just going see me that way, but it bothers me how easy it is for him to just jump to another date._
> 
> _I know he won't enjoy himself, he's probably just doing it for Wes. Still, those feelings of jealousy welling up in me won't let me be. I want him to refuse to go on another date, or ask me._
> 
> _It isn't about just the spell. I like him too much outside of that. I knew I'd like him…_
> 
> __
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine went on a date practically every night that week, all courtesy of Wes, and Kurt found himself in the constant company of Thad. Thad who was actually a good person to have around and who was solely responsible for Kurt getting all of his work done early.

 

They were in his and Blaine's room again, Thad spread out on Blaine's bed, and Kurt sitting at his desk with the last of his homework for the night.

 

"So, what are you going to do this weekend?" Thad asked. He rolled over on the bed so he was on his stomach and rested his head on his hands. "It's sectionals so we're not going to be around most of Saturday. I miss when competition was held on weekdays."

 

Kurt hadn't even thought about Sectionals. Blaine hadn't mentioned it in the small amount of time he spent in their dorm when he wasn't at practice or on a date, and he wasn't around Wes or David -- who were obviously busy with preparing for Sectionals -- enough to have remembered that they were coming up. Thad, also had his own amount of responsibility to deal with, but he somehow managed to get everything done before Blaine left for his dates, so he could insert himself into Kurt's dorm and sometimes do nothing more than just watch him.

 

'I don't know' Kurt wrote on his constant companion, the dry erase board.

 

"Well, you won't have homework," Thad said, "I've pretty much made sure of that -- aren't I wonderful -- you could go visit your family or something."

 

No, he couldn't. They were going to be at the competition. His friends were his family, not to mention he was pretty sure his dad would tag along with Carole to go watch them perform.

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

"Too far away? You could leave Friday night and come back Sunday. Lots of people do it. It shouldn't be too far that you could drive yourself here, now could it."

 

Kurt looked away from Thad and his searching gaze. Sometimes he thought that Thad was just there to watch him, to question his every move. He didn't understand why, but there were times when he thought Thad was prying just a bit too much. It was as if he knew.

 

'My semi-quasi stepbrother's in show choir too. My dad will probably go watch him with his mom.' Kurt wrote it out on a post it and handed it to Thad.

 

"Oh," Thad said. There was a suspicious glint in his eyes. It was lucky, Kurt decided, that Blaine entered the room right at that moment.

 

Thad got up from Blaine's bed, fixing the duvet where he'd wrinkled it. Blaine looked between them.

 

"I thought Kurt was finished with all the make-up work," he said.

 

Thad shrugged. "He is. I just like hanging out with him, and you know there's an added bonus of being able to actually walk around your room."

 

Blaine cleared his throat. "You were in my bed."

 

"Yes, and it was very comfortable. Anyway, I should go, I was just giving Kurt some company. He is allowed to have friends, Blaine. Not that it matters why we should be explaining ourselves. See you tomorrow, Kurt. Blaine."

 

Kurt smiled and saluted at Thad, who laughed as he closed the door behind him. He then turned to look at Blaine, wondering what had just happened. He grabbed the board and a marker, ready to write out his question, but Blaine sighed and then dropped to his bed.

 

"I'm sorry," he said, "that was just…uncalled for. I don't even know…I just had a terrible time tonight. I've had a terrible time at each of these dates…"

 

Kurt gave him a look that asked why he kept going. Blaine seemed to understand.

 

"I can't just cancel on them after Wes has made it such a point of finding these guys who are all supposedly perfect for me and even started making reservations. I keep telling him he should be more focused on the Warblers or perhaps put all this effort to starting a dating site or something, not that it'd be successful, obviously."

 

Blaine groaned and dropped onto his side on the bed. Kurt from across the room, walked to his side and sat down on the space next to him, pushing him on his back. Blaine watched him.

 

"I never thought it'd be easy, you know, the dating thing. I don't even know that I want to keep doing it, but wouldn't it be nice to have that one person you can rely on, you know?"

 

Kurt nodded and reached to brush back Blaine's hair. He'd run out of gel earlier that day, so his hair was only half gelled and by now that small amount had practically disappeared.

 

"And my hair!" Blaine cried suddenly. He reached a hand up to pull at a curl into his vision.

 

Kurt laughed, the sound still only faint. He tugged Blaine's hand away and then stood up.

 

"Where are you going?" Blaine asked. It came out as a whine. "I like being able to rant to you like this. Please come back."

 

Kurt raised a finger and grabbed his phone. Blaine had gotten better and better at making out what Kurt meant just by his facial expressions, or miming, but as hilarious as his guessed could sometimes be, Kurt didn't feel like wasting any time. He was tired of what this week had become.

 

He was downright miserable knowing Blaine was out somewhere with some guy that didn't even know him as well as Kurt now did. Living together really did make Kurt aware about every nuance of Blaine's. He knew how Blaine stretched out in the morning, letting Kurt catch a glimpse of the skin of his navel. He knew that Blaine couldn't function properly until he'd had his first cup of coffee, and that there was no telling him anything before then. He knew that Blaine liked how the Dalton blazer gave him confidence. He knew that Blaine knew next to nothing about fashion but still made attempts that Kurt always needed to fix, sometimes with his own wardrobe. He knew that Blaine pretended to be perfect and okay, but he was as insecure and imperfect as everyone else.

 

Kurt sat down next to him again and Blaine shifted a bit more to make more room for him, and then pulled himself to a sitting position, before he dropped himself into Kurt's chest. Kurt took in a deep breath. Blaine had never done that before. But the lack of awkwardness that came from it didn't surprise Kurt. Blaine moved a bit more until he was on side and comfortably curled up into Blaine.

 

"I hope," he said shyly, "I hope this is okay."

 

Nodding, Kurt typed, 'Why was this one worse?' and held his phone for Blaine to look at.

 

"Well," Blaine began, "to begin with he goes to Westerville High, which you know at once put me off. He wasn't bad looking, but too much of a penchant for black. All he wanted to talk about is how he's going to try out for American Idol. And I mean, American Idol, come on! He also kept checking out the waiter, who was incidentally wearing eyeliner and actually looked more my type." Blaine sighed and sank into Kurt.

 

Kurt lifted his arms to wrap them around Blaine and Blaine cuddled closer. Kurt wondered for a moment what he was thinking about and how he could just get back to their dorm and just fall into his arms like he hadn't been out on a date with another guy.

 

"I just…he was nice. They're all nice. They just don't get me." He lifted his head to look at Kurt, "you get me."

 

Kurt nodded and waited with baited breath for Blaine to say something else, but he didn't. They laid like that for a while longer, until Blaine got up.

 

"I guess I should go shower."

 

Kurt stayed on Blaine's bed watching him grab his pajamas before heading to the bathroom. As soon as the door was closed, Kurt sank farther into Blaine bed. It wasn't fair that Blaine could go out and date and not realize that Kurt was there right in front of him, perfect for him in every way. It was the lack of voice, he knew, Thad had explained it to him when he'd questioned it the other day in a fit of annoyance. Blaine wanted to date someone that could sing with him. Kurt had almost spilled everything to Thad right then and there. The irony was not lost on him. The spell had taken the one thing that would have made Blaine his. Kurt sat up on Blaine's bed and grabbed the pillow behind him, hugging it to his chest and letting Blaine's scent drift over him. On his pillow, Kurt could barely make out the smell of his gel. Instead his shampoo stood out clearly as well as something that was inherently Blaine.

 

When he heard the water stop, he got off Blaine's bed and grabbed his own pajamas to change into. He had just taken off his shirt when Blaine reentered the room, dabbing his hair with a towel. He stopped.

 

Kurt heard the towel drop.

 

"Kurt…"

 

He tried to get the white cotton top on before Blaine could come closer, but Blaine snatched it away and then he laid one of his hands on Kurt's back.

 

The bruises were almost gone. They didn't hurt anymore, but having bruises upon bruises meant that the healing took longer. His back was still a myriad of colors, but not to the extent it had been when he'd first arrived.

 

"What is this, Kurt?" Blaine asked. His voice held just contained anger. "God, your back, Kurt." He moved his hand softly in a reassuring manner. "This is why you came to Dalton, then, isn't it?"

 

Kurt nodded and gulped. He'd somehow been able to ignore the bruises and thinking about Karofsky and the other bullies, but having someone see the evidence. Having Blaine touch his back gently and knowing that he was angered on his behalf made not thinking about it harder than it should have been,

 

Blaine pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Kurt. I am so so sorry you had to go through that. You of all people."

 

Kurt felt something wet on his shoulder and for a moment convinced himself that it was Blaine's hair dripping on him that had done it, but he knew Blaine was crying.

 

"I…I had bullies too. I told you, I did. But they never…god, Kurt." He'd pulled back long enough to meet Kurt's eyes as he spoke, but as soon as he was done he was pressing himself against Kurt again as if his hug could undo it all.

 

Kurt thought he couldn't breathe. Blaine was right there, holding him tightly and upset over a few bruises on his back, his warm hands still running over his bare back. Kurt felt his eyes sting. No one had ever reacted this way to the bullying he'd gone through. Even Rachel, as much as she tried to help, had only helped with cleaning him up as did most of the girls. Finn tended to ignore it all together. The other boys probably hadn't even realized how bad it got.

 

He sighed into Blaine, letting the other boy be his strength for once. This was what a relationship was all about, being able to let those walls drop, allowing those weaknesses that were normally hidden from everyone else out. But they weren't in a relationship, not unless their friendship counted. Kurt pulled back and Blaine looked at him, surprised, but didn't pull him back or ask anything.

 

Kurt slipped his shirt on and pointedly did not look at Blaine, walking around him to head into the bathroom for his moisturizing routine. He left the door open out of habit and opened the cabinet. He heard Blaine follow and saw him lean against the door.

 

"I know you may not want to talk about it, but it can help. I know what it was like and how hard it must have been for you, and talking is hard, but it's better than internalizing everything."

 

Kurt began the nightly routine, not even paying attention to what he was doing, his eyes finding Blaine's via the reflection in the mirror.

 

"Will you tell me?"

 

He gave a sharp nod.

 

"No pressure. I just…I know what it did to me and when I finally talked about it, it didn't make it go away, but it did make it better. I'll go wait for you."

 

Kurt nodded again and waited until Blaine left to let himself droop in the chair. He didn't know if he could do this.

 

\- - -

>   
> 
> 
> _For some reason it's easy to think about telling Blaine. Of all people I could choose to tell, he'd be right up there on the list. I hate what happened to me, I can't even stand to think about it sometimes, but I want him to know. I need him to know, maybe._
> 
> _He's been going on dates all week, and coming to our dorm looking miserable. I want to feel bad about feeling so happy about this, but I can't. Maybe it'll open his eyes._
> 
> _I hate and love how comfortable we've become with each other. I want it to mean more, but even just as friends, I'll take his every touch._
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

\- - -

 

Blaine had suspected that something had happened to Kurt back at his old school. Kurt acted at times like Blaine himself had acted when he'd first transferred. The dreams those first two nights, how shy of touch he was sometimes, and just certain mannerisms of his, how jumpy he got at times. 

 

Blaine sat on the edge of his bed, waiting. He'd been so shocked when he'd come out of the bathroom to see the fading bruises covering Kurt's back. They looked like they were still hurting him, but somehow Kurt hid the pain well or he was too used to it to notice anymore, Blaine didn't know which he should be worried about more.

 

When Kurt finally appeared, he looked scared, but determined somehow. He walked over to his bed first and grabbed the laptop that rested there, closed and then walked back to Blaine's bed. Blaine watched him, taking in every movement.

 

Not wanting to startle him or make him regret deciding to tell him about it, Blaine sat in silence although he wanted to just keep reassuring Kurt. More than anything, though, Blaine wanted to reach over and pull him into another hug.

 

Blaine stood up and moved back on his bed, so he was against the headboard, leaving enough room for Kurt to sit beside him or across from him.

 

Kurt, after a moment of hesitation, during which their eyes met yet again, sat down next to Blaine and made himself comfortable, pulling the lap top onto his lap and opening the lid. He typed in his password quickly. A word document was already open, but Kurt deleted everything on it before Blaine could catch a glimpse, and then he began to type.

 

'I know you're going to have some kind of reaction, and I haven't told anyone before. I couldn't. I didn't want to tell anyone, but you, well, telling you would be okay. Out of everyone, it'd be okay. I want you to read everything before you say anything.'

 

Blaine nodded. "Alright."

 

Kurt had already started typing again and Blaine read as he did so.

 

' I was always bullied, that was just how it was at my old school. I wasn’t the only one and really it wasn't that bad. It started freshman year with slushies being thrown at me and the jocks throwing me in the dumpster.'

 

Blaine fought the urge to speak and tell him how terrible that was. This had never happened to him.

 

' In the halls they pushed me into lockers, sometimes just because, other times to get me out of their way. I was used to it. I didn't really have friends then. But I did eventually make friends and things were better for a while. The bullying continued but the extent of it wasn't as much. Then, this year one guy, one of my bullies really had it out for me. He just kept coming after me. I guess I was getting tired of it. So, I snapped and I yelled at him and chased him into the locker room'

 

Blaine didn't like where it was going. Something terrible must have happened. Kurt stiffened beside him and stopped typing. Blaine reached for his hand and squeezed it. Kurt tilted his head to look at him with tear filled eyes that matched Blaine's. Blaine tugged into a half hug that could offer some comfort to the younger boy.

 

Kurt sank into his arms and they stayed like that for a while, until Kurt sat up again to continue typing. Blaine didn't know if he even wanted to know anymore.

 

'We shouted some things, I can't even remember what I said, really, but then I thought he was going to hit me, he had his fist raised up right in front of me and I was pressed up against the locker. But instead of hitting me, finally doing what I thought he'd wanted to all along, he…'

 

Kurt dropped back into Blaine, hands shaking violently. There was fear in his eyes and something else, disgust, Blaine thought. The tears that had been pooling in his eyes were flowing freely now and Kurt looked more vulnerable, more broken than he ever had before. Yet there was this ethereal beauty about him as well.

 

He reached for the laptop again, but Blaine stilled his hands with his own. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to...just from how you're reacting I can tell he did something terrible to you and I just don't want you to be obligated to tell me."

 

Kurt got an odd look on his face, then, a look that Blaine had never seen on his face before and he began to smile a little and before Blaine knew it, he was turning his face and leaning towards Blaine, his lips landing on Blaine's cheek in a soft kiss.

 

Blaine gasped, his cheeks burned and his skin where Kurt's lips had been, tingled.

 

Kurt blushed, and dropped his head to Blaine's shoulder. They still held hands and Blaine thought that the feeling in his chest and the butterflies in his stomach from just that much closeness with Kurt was more than he'd felt with any of the boys he'd been going out with all week.

 

Some moments later, Kurt reached for the laptop.

 

'I trust you. I want to tell you. He kissed me, Blaine. Karofsky kissed me.'

 

Blaine gasped. "No," he said, and then, "did he do anything else?"

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

"Good. I mean, it's terrible that he did that, but it was only that and…oh, god, Kurt."

 

Kurt closed the computer lid and pushed the laptop away. Blaine pulled him back and they sat together on Blaine's bed, clutching each other's hands and pressed closely together. Blaine held as still as possible, not knowing if he was allowed to pull Kurt closer.

 

Ten minutes later, they were still in the same position and Kurt had his eyes closed. There was a frown marring his brow and Blaine shifted a bit, to get more comfortable. Kurt followed him. It was only then that Blaine realized Kurt was fast asleep.

 

"I don't understand how you can be so comfortable with anyone touching you after what you've been through," Blaine whispered, "or how someone could ever think of hurting you."

 

Blaine, as much as he enjoyed having Kurt next to him and could have easily fallen asleep right then and there with Kurt in his arms, knew that it wasn't a good idea for a number of reasons. Kurt had not only been through something that must have been traumatic with his bully, but staying with him this way even to offer comfort would give Kurt the wrong impression and Blaine still wasn't sure what he felt for Kurt or if Kurt even thought of him that way, for that matter.

 

So, Blaine picked Kurt up, surprised at his weight. Kurt always looked so small -- though taller than Blaine -- and thin that Blaine had not expected for him to actually weight something.

 

Blaine carried him anyway and set him down gently on the floor so he could peel back Kurt's covers and put him between them. He tucked Kurt into bed and on impulse leaned down to press a kiss to Kurt's forehead. His skin was as soft as it looked and Blaine decided that the skin regime he kept religiously was not something that really should not be interrupted if it gave those kind of results.

 

"I'm so sorry any of this happened to you, Kurt," Blaine whispered.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _What I went through was nothing in comparison to what he's gone through. I can't stand it. Kurt. My Kurt. No…not my Kurt, why did I write that?_
> 
> _Kurt. Just Kurt. What excuse is there to hurt him. I can't even imagine anyone that could even think about doing anything like that to him. He didn't say it, but I could tell, that was his first kiss._
> 
> _I've never kissed anyone. I can't even begin to imagine what it would feel like, to have something that precious, that important just stolen, and it happened to Kurt. I just want to lean over and show him that that kiss meant nothing. But I can't._
> 
> _I'm more confused than ever._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

 

The day that the Warblers left for Sectionals, found Kurt on Google, looking up where Sectionals were being held that year and then writing it down on a post it before he headed to his car and put the address into his GPS. It was a crazy plan, and one that hadn't come to him until he waved off Thad asking him if he'd be alright staying at Dalton without them.

 

He wasn't even going because he wanted to support the Warblers, or even watch Blaine perform. Instead he wanted to see New Directions. He wanted to be there for his team.

 

For the first time since he'd gotten to Dalton, he texted Rachel.

 

Coming to see you guys at Sectionals, good luck. - Kurt

 

He didn't bother checking if she had replied, and set out on the hour long drive. He would get there just in time to see the performances. If he remembered correctly, these things went on for a while with each group taking their time for preparation before going on stage. He didn't care much for the drama that would undoubtedly unfold in the green room, but he wanted to be with them with such a longing, that he realized he must have been repressing how much he missed his friends during his time at Dalton. He wanted to go up there and sing with them, belt out whatever song, even if he was singing in the background. He would have had a solo for this competition.

 

By the time Kurt got to the place Sectionals were at this year, the parking lot was getting filled up. He parked his car farther off just in case and in an outfit that he hoped would not give him away to the Warblers, left the car, and checked his phone. There was no reply from Rachel, but the moment he entered the building, he spotted her yelling at one of the workers behind the concession stand and smiled to himself.

 

He had opened his mouth to shout her name, before realizing that he couldn't speak. Instead he crossed the room and tapped his shoulder.

 

"What is it?" She asked in an annoyed tone, but once she turned, broke out into a grin, before she threw herself at him. "Kurt," she breathed as Kurt stumbled back.

 

Rachel pulled him away from the crowd. "It's so good to see you, Kurt. How is everything? What happened to you? I…everyone thinks your dad decided to send you to Dalton because of Karofsky, and I know what really happened. Why are you here anyway? You're not with the Warblers, are you?"

 

Kurt again opened his mouth before he remembered that he couldn't actually talk. He touched his throat and then reached for his phone.

 

'The stage took my voice until I am truly happy. I miss you guys so much, but Dalton, it's just what I needed and Blaine, he's wonderful.'

 

Rachel clapped a hand to her mouth as she frowned at him in a mixture of shock and sadness.

 

"Oh, Kurt. Your voice." She pulled him into another hug, "that must be terrible. I…this is all my fault isn't it?" She stepped back and stared at him for a moment, before looking at her watch. "I have to go. Listen, if you stick around later we can catch up. I'll do anything to help you with getting your voice back. I can't even imagine what I would do. I'm so glad I didn't go through with wishing for anything, and I'm so sorry I even took you there. I'll help you, Kurt."

 

She hugged him one last time and then headed off. He stared after her before he proceeded to the theater to find a seat.

 

Kurt sat down near the back and entertained himself by playing a game on his phone while he waited for it to begin. From time to time, he made sure that no one he knew was around. If Rachel hadn't known he was mute, then it was very much possible that none of the rest of New Directions or his dad, for that matter, knew, and he didn't want to take a shot at explaining what had happened to him.

 

When The Hipsters went on stage, Kurt put his phone away and watched them. They really were no competition to either New Directions or The Warblers. He applauded them anyway and waited impatiently the five minutes it took for The Warblers to get on stage.

 

He'd heard them rehearsing often enough to know what they'd be singing, but watching them perform was something else entirely. Blaine was right at the front, bouncing around the stage. Kurt couldn't stop smiling as he watched them. They looked like they were having so much fun despite their questionable choreography.

 

When they were done, applause erupted from the audience, Kurt clapping furiously, but still rooting for New Directions than his new school's team. The crowd quieted down a bit before New Directions came out. He was only mildly surprised when Sam and Quinn entered from the back, more surprised about Sam and Quinn being the ones to sing than anything else.

 

They sounded amazing together, and when the curtains were pulled back and the rest of New Directions appeared, dancing perfectly he wanted to just run up there and dance with them.

 

The some came to an end and suddenly Santana had a mic in hand and sang as she danced. Kurt gasped in surprise. He knew Santana was good, but Mr. Shuester would never have given her a solo for Sectionals. What had happened to Rachel and Finn singing lead in everything? Now, he understood why she'd been so disgruntled earlier. What he didn't know was if this had been a good move or not. The Warblers had been equally as good and all that New Directions really had over them was the choreography.

 

He clapped loudly when they finished and walked off the stage. There'd be ten or so minutes until they returned with the judges having decided. he saw Mr. Shuester leave the theater and was glad to not have been noticed.

 

When the three glee clubs came back onto the stage with Mr. Shue, Kurt waited for the results and was more than pleasantly surprised when it was a tie between the Warblers and New Directions. Loud cheers erupted from around him and the stage. He longed to be up there with them. He sat, and just kept watching them as they congratulated each other and then eventually began leaving the stage.

 

People in the audience were leaving too, and Kurt waited for a little longer before he got up and walked to the exit. He didn't know where he was supposed to meet Rachel, but headed in the general direction of the green rooms.

 

Too many people, meant that the walk there was slow and full on running into people. Maybe it was because of this, that Kurt didn't see two Warblers spot him or hear them call his name. Rachel's appearance, Kurt did catch and he pushed forwards until he was next to her.

 

"I told them my dads are taking me home even though there's talk of a party. They couldn't make it because of work of course, but no one knows that. I told Finn to text me. Come one, your car is here right?"

 

Kurt nodded and offered his arm. Rachel took it and leaned into him.

 

"I missed you, Kurt, so much."

 

Questions floated in Kurt's mind about everything, but he knew he'd have to hold them back until he was able to write or type everything out.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _I guess it's true what they say, that you don't miss something until it's gone. They're not gone, but I'm not a part of them anymore, but I desperately want to be._
> 
> _Suddenly the loss of my voice is hitting me again. I want to go back to my dorm, crawl into my bed and just sleep until Blaine gets back and he can remind me why I gave so much up.  
> _
> 
>  
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel


	8. Chapter 8

Blaine, having been ignored by Wes, David, and Thad, and sat up front with Jeff and Nick instead. Jeff was falling asleep on Nick's shoulder and Nick didn't seem to mind that it was happening.

 

"He barely slept last night," he explained to Blaine, "he was off with Thad doing who knows what, came in pretty late. He woke me up by tripping over his own feet. Sometimes I wish I had a single or no roommate like you did…but I hear you're liking the new roomie." Nick wiggled his eyebrows.

 

Blaine sighed. "I do like Kurt. He's mute, but he is very expressive. How's the girlfriend going?"

 

Nick shrugged. "Dumped her. I knew it wasn't going anywhere. I was only in it for one thing."

 

Blaine gaped at him and suddenly wished he had gone to sit with the council, but he knew what they would be discussing: every flaw in their performance. Wes was a stickler for constructive criticism and Blaine wouldn't be surprised if he was handed an actual rubric on how well he was doing soon.

 

"And your dates?" Nick asked, "how are those progressing?"

 

"Not well. I'm convinced that Wes is picking them to deliberately drive me insane. It's like he doesn't know me or something. Every guy is worse than the last. I don't know what he expects from me exactly."

 

"Or maybe you already have someone else on your mind," Nick said shifted Jeff into a better position. "Maybe your roommate."

 

Blaine didn't know what to say. He cared for Kurt. He really liked Kurt. Sometimes he thought that Kurt was perfect for him, but Kurt couldn't sing. That fact had slowly started to become less and less important as time went on, but still, as he learnt more about Kurt, he knew that Kurt didn't need a boyfriend. Not after Karofsky's kiss.

 

"No. I mean, I like Kurt, but I don't think…I want to just be his friend." Blaine didn't add that he wanted to be his friend for now.

 

"Alright," Nick said.

 

They were silent for a while, a silence that was broken only by the random snore that Jeff would sometimes let out.

 

"If you are looking for someone, I know a guy that bats for your team and might even be your type, he was in my brother's band for a while." Nick nodded to himself. "He works at Olive Garden and sometimes plays random gigs wherever will have him."

 

Blaine perked up at once. There had been a waiter that caught his eye at Olive Garden. He wondered if it could be the same guy.

 

"In fact," Nick continued, "I think he might doing something tonight. Let me text him."

 

There was a feeling in his gut that told Blaine that he didn't need to do this, go out to see some guy he didn't know, even if did turn out to be the waiter from the other night. Kurt had been left at Dalton alone all day and Blaine didn't particularly fancy leaving him alone until he got back. He knew Thad or even Wes and David could entertain him somehow, but Blaine somehow wanted to be the one that Kurt hung out with. He just turned to Nick to tell him as much.

 

"Yeah, he's playing tonight at a small club in Westerville. It's all ages, so no worries about that. You game? We could all just go and celebrate."

 

Blaine pursed his lips. "Maybe. A celebration of sorts sounds good. I'll go tell Wes and David and see what they think."

 

Nick nodded. Blaine got up and high fiving random Warblers, made it to where Wes and David were seated together, sliding into the spot next to Thad, who was turned on his seat. They stopped talking the moment he sat down and although Blaine found it curious, he didn't question it.

 

"So, listen, guys, Nick has a friend who's playing something tonight at a club. All ages, so we won't have to sneak in. It could be a nice celebratory thing for tying for Sectionals." Just for Wes' benefit, he added, "the guy is gay and according to Nick possibly my type, thought you'd be happy about that."

 

The three of them exchanged glances. Blaine wanted to ask what was going on, but David spoke up before he could.

 

"I don't think so, Blaine. We were sort of planning a small get together instead. Plus, I thought you were happy being single."

 

Blaine began to protest, but paused. When had he become obsessed with getting a boyfriend? When had all his arguments against it changed. Couldn't he wait for Kurt?

 

"It seems a bit fishy, you know what Nick gets up to sometimes. We could have a Warbler movie night or something instead, maybe invite Kurt along."

 

"He's probably been bored all day without us around," Thad added, and Blaine thought he saw him smirk a bit.

 

David coughed and Wes hit on the back while trying to hide his own small smile.

 

Blaine eyed them. "You're not telling me something," he said and gave them each a look. "What aren't you telling me?"

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _I don't understand why I changed my mind, why I've gone on all these dates looking for a boy I don't think I even care about. I don't know when I stopped hearing his voice all the time, but I think I did._
> 
> _At first it was for Wes, but I can't remember the last time he brought it up and they've all just gone terribly and I don't know what I even want anymore. Sometimes I think it is Kurt…_
> 
> _But he told me about the kiss, and I can't just…he doesn't need to be more than a friend. But I don't need to have a boyfriend, do I?_
> 
> _He doesn't have a voice…but does it really matter? I just need to make sure._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

 

Blaine had had perfect timing, Thad realized, because within moments of the question being asked, they arrived at Dalton and Wes and David practically ran off the bus and Thad shrugged at Blaine and then motioned for him to go.

 

"No, what's going on?"

 

"Nothing. Just, um," Thad tried to quickly come up with something to tell Blaine, "you were, um, kind of a bit weird about having to leave Kurt alone at Dalton earlier, but now you're jumping at going off to some club with Nick of all people. Blaine, you don't even like Nick."

 

Blaine blinked at him. "Oh," he said. "I don't want to leave Kurt, I thought he could with us, even." Blaine began to walk off the bus.

 

Thad followed and sighed, walking with Blaine towards the main building and then across campus to Stevenson.

 

"I actually need to see, Kurt," he told Blaine, "mind if I come along?"

 

Blaine shrugged.

 

When they got to Blaine's dorm it was empty, just as Thad had expected it to be. He smiled to himself a little bit and looked around the room. Kurt's laptop was open on his desk, but the screen was blank. He approached it.

 

"I guess he found something to do," he said and closed the lid without Blaine noticing, "I guess I'll go and catch him later."

 

Blaine nodded, absently.

 

Thad walked quickly back to his room where Wes and David had already settled themselves on David's bed.

 

"He's not in his room," he told his fellow council members, "Blaine looked a bit distraught at Kurt going missing. Okay, so he was with a girl from New Directions, right? Well, he told me the other day that his almost step-brother was also in a glee club, specifically mentioned he couldn't go home because his dad was most likely going to be there to support him. What if his brother was in New Directions?"

 

Wes nodded. "Okay, that makes sense. Maybe all this talk about a magical stage doesn't have to be true."

 

Thad smirked a little. "I think Kurt used that stage to come to this school. In fact, he had to be a singer. The singer Blaine's been dreaming about. Think about it. Blaine passes out in Lima, where the New Directions are from and he hears a voice. A voice he associated with a boy that looked like Kurt before he met Kurt, and Kurt just happens to be friends with a girl from New Directions."

 

Wes and David shared a look.

 

"Okay, so, what now, then? Do you know how the stage works?"

 

Thad nodded his head slowly. "I talked to my mom, told her I believed her about the stage and I asked her how it worked exactly. She couldn't tell me everything, just that it takes something as a sort of payment. What if the stage took Kurt's voice?"

 

Wes jumped up. "Yes! That day, when we met him, he tried to speak, but he couldn't and it was like he was just realizing, don't you remember, David?"

 

David nodded thoughtfully.

 

Thad picked up David's laptop and typed in the password when prompted, before going into youtube.

 

"What are you doing?" Wes asked.

 

"If he was a singer, as good a singer as Blaine claimed and he's friends with that girl, then, wouldn't he have been in New Directions?"

 

David nodded, "he probably was."

 

"Do you really think they'd put any videos online though?"

 

Thad nodded. "Former competitions are nearly always online…let's see…" and suddenly he found a youtube page. "See, whoever this Jacob is, he has at least twenty videos of them."

 

He clicked on a random one. Wes and David came up behind him. He pressed play.

 

The camera was shaky, but it had caught a group of the kids sitting in what looked like a choir room. They all looked upset about something. The camera shifted when Kurt walked in, looking sad and worn, but still dressed in his usual clothes.

 

They didn't hear what he said, because whoever was filming had move and was making too much noise, but soon the camera steadied.

 

"I want to hold your hand, The Beatles. Kurt Hummel," the boy holding the camera said and then muttered, "damn you, Sue Sylvester."

 

Kurt began to sing, and his voice, high, clear and beautiful stunned Thad. Wes gasped.

 

"Wow," David whispered.

 

Kurt's song was mournful. The emotion put into it was palpable. His voice carried wonderfully. Wes sniffed behind him.

 

David rubbed his shoulder.

 

"It's so sad," Wes said.

 

Thad nodded.

 

As the song went on, they could see tears welling up in Kurt's eyes and then they were spilling. There was a far off look on his face, as if he was remembering something. As the last notes faded, he wiped at his eyes. The video came to an end.

 

It didn’t hit Thad for a moment, not until Wes, spoke that he'd been right.

 

"So, you were right," Wes said, "do you know what we could do with that voice. He's a countertenor…and, god, to give that up, why?"

 

Thad shrugged.

 

"Who knows, man. I mean, it explains a lot about him, you know, but still, there's just…why would he give up his voice?"

 

Wes frowned. He sat back down on David's bed. "He must have been desperate. There are tons of reasons."

 

"My mom didn't say as much, but I think the stage took her voice too. But she got it back, so it must not be a permanent thing. The thing is, my mom knew my dad, she gave up something for him knowing that she would get it back, I guess. But, Kurt, if he did this for Blaine, how did he know that he wouldn't end up screwed over?"

 

David sighed and began to pace the room, "maybe he had no choice."

 

"Should we tell Blaine?" Wes asked, "I know we said earlier that we shouldn't, but that was before we were sure. Now, though, should we?"

 

Thad shook his head at once. "No. Definitely not. We don't know what that could do. I like Kurt. I want this to work out for him. We can't mess around, just maybe push them in the right direction. Push, Blaine. Which reminds me, we have to stop him from going out to that club or whatever with Nick."

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _The stage is real, and it is magical -- and have I mentioned -- real?_
> 
> _I knew some of you might want to know. My friend's voice was taken by the stage, I don’t know why he would give it up, but it was his payment for what he wanted, I guess._
> 
> _I want to just write this up really quickly to thank everyone that sent me comments and more information._
> 
> _So, for anyone interested, the stage is in Ohio._
> 
> From the secret blog of Thad Jameson  
> 

\- - -

 

Kurt was tired. He hadn't expected going to Sectionals would lead to him giving Rachel a whole explanation of what had happened to him, which he typed while she told him what was going on at McKinley, and then he'd had to drive her home and get back to Dalton.

 

He walked up the stairs to his and Blaine's dorm, tired, and hoping that he could just fall into bed and not have to deal with Rachel for a few more days. She had gotten it into her head that she needed to help him get his voice back, and as much as Kurt appreciated that she wanted to help him, he didn't think he could deal with a Rachel Berry plan.

 

Blaine wasn't in their room when he got in, although his uniform on the ground was an indication that he had been. He sighed. Maybe he was off with the other Warblers celebrating the tie.

 

He walked over to his bed, took off his shoes and sank into his pillow. He didn't really care, for once, that Blaine wasn't there, instead all he wanted was a nap. He changed into his pajamas and got into bed, sighing happily and closing his eyes.

 

Kurt woke up a few hours later feeling re-energized. He got out of bed and redressed, thinking about what he wanted to do. Blaine still wasn't back, but Kurt decided not to question it as he put on his shoes. Ever since he'd played the piano in that music store, he'd been going once a day to the choir room to just play, and he needed that now.

 

He'd watched his friends sing and do everything he couldn't with their voices, and now he needed an outlet of some sort.

 

When he got the choir room, it was luckily empty. He didn't bother closing the doors in his haste to get to other side of room and sit down at the piano, which he stared at for a moment, before he set his music sheet in front of him and then after playing a few random notes, began the song, his fingers flying over the keys expertly.

 

He was two songs in, when he heard a cough from behind him.

 

Thad grinned at him. "Hey," he said, "so I had no idea you could play so well…have you been here all day?"

 

There was something about the way Thad was looking at him that told Kurt, Thad already knew he hadn't been there all day.

 

"I was looking for you," Thad continued, "there's something I should tell you. I don't want you to be alarmed. I'm trying to help, so this is hopefully not coming out in a bad way. I know you were at Sectionals today. Wes and David saw you with someone from New Directions, a girl." 

 

Kurt didn't look at Thad. Of course they'd seen him with Rachel.

 

"Wes was ready to call you out as a spy, but I knew better. I've been watching you, Kurt, and I know I said I'd never met anyone mute before, but I'm a researcher and my mom used the stage."

 

Kurt's eyes widened. He couldn't believe it. His secret was out. He didn't know how to react, what he was supposed to do. Thad wouldn't buy any excuse.

 

"So," Thad continued, "you used the stage, then?"

 

Kurt bit down on his lip and gave a sharp nod. There was nothing to it but to just admit what he'd done.

 

Thad nodded and walked to sit next to Kurt. "I kind of thought so," he said, "you didn't hide very well at first, how it was sort of just hitting you that you couldn't talk. If you're worried, I won't tell him, Blaine that is, I don't know what that would do to you and…I just don't want to mess with this. I just, I want to help you."

 

Kurt looked up at Thad, then, surprised.

 

"I like you, Kurt," Thad said, "and you are perfect for Blaine, even Blaine knows it. He just…he has to get over himself. Anyway, I have to go, but, I'll be by your dorm later." He gave Kurt a half hug and then ran out of the room.

 

Kurt stared after him, shook his head and sighed. There was some relief, knowing that someone else at Dalton knew what he was going through. More relief, now that he knew Blaine wasn't going to find out, because Thad was right, he didn't know what would happen if Blaine somehow found out before the spell was broken.

He played for a while longer, before returning to the dorm, hoping that this time Blaine would be there and he could hear all about Sectionals from his perspective. Rachel had been too whiny when telling him about her lack of solo and going on and on about Finn as if there was something that Kurt could do about it. What she'd told him last though, was the one thing that he couldn't stop thinking about.

 

His father was getting married. He'd asked Carole in some room at school some days before, yet no one had bothered to tell him. Rachel had assured him it probably had something to do with the spell, but Kurt couldn't help but feel forgotten. He wanted to go back to Lima desperately.

 

When he dropped Rachel off at her house, he even drove to his house and sat out in his car, debating on whether he should go in or not. He had realized fast, though, that Finn and Carole had moved in again.

 

His resentment was uncalled for, he knew, but still Kurt couldn't help but feel left out. His father was getting married, gaining another son, and he wasn't around to make sure things stayed the same. As much as he wanted to go back, he dreaded what he'd find.

 

Blaine wasn't in their dorm, again, and there were no signs that he'd been there at all during the time Kurt had been in the choir room. Kurt shrugged it off and picked up his laptop.

 

He had a habit of leaving everything open, so the internet browser with his Google search was up and he closed that at once, looking through the rest of the open windows, stopping at the word document on which he'd told Blaine about Karofsky. He could barely glance at the words. He was just about to delete it, when a word caught his eye" 'yelled'.

 

Kurt gasped. He hadn't? Had Blaine noticed? He went over the rest of the text, wincing at every word that gave him away. Blaine had to have noticed. It wasn't just a sole mistake. But he hadn't said anything. Kurt closed the lap top and rushed out of the room, headed for Thad's. He didn't bother knocking.

 

Wes and David were sprawled out on Thad's bed and Thad at by his desk, on the phone.

 

"…don't understand, Jeff, I need to know where they went!...It's important….Yes, more important than sleep…"

 

"Kurt!" Wes exclaimed. "How are you, buddy?"

 

Kurt eyed him. David hit him on the head. Wes raised a finger towards Kurt, as if to excuse himself, and they began hitting each other, which was just as well, because he needed Thad to know what he'd done.

 

"…yes, thank you. Call me back when you get it, don't you dare fall asleep, Jeff."

 

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Thad asked and glanced towards Wes and David who choose that moment to fall off the bed in a tangle of limbs.

 

Kurt opened his lap top and set it down on the desk, in a new word document explaining what'd happened.

 

'…and I don't know if he knows now, and I haven't even seen him since this morning…and now I'm just worried I messed everything up.'

 

"Shit…okay, um, I'll have to ask my mom about that, but she doesn't know much either. Blaine is out with Nick checking out one of Nick's friends' bands or something. He might have said something if he knew though."

 

David crawled back onto Thad's bed, "know what?"

 

Kurt glanced at Thad, waiting for him to come up with an explanation. Instead, Thad only said, "Blaine might know something about Kurt's voice, that he was lying about his being mute all his life, at least."

 

Kurt shot a glare at Thad, but the other boy ignored him.

 

"Of course," Thad continued, "that doesn't mean he knows anything about the stage, but I don't know if he'll be big on the lying."

 

Wes, groaning -- he'd lost their fight -- stood up. "So what are we going to do?"

 

Kurt eyed each of them warily.

 

"So, I, um, didn't tell you they knew, did I? Woops?" Thad rubbed at the back of his neck and tried to look apologetically up at Kurt who was glaring at him again. 

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders just for another one to be placed there instead. Wes, David, and Thad know my secret now and it is the most freeing thing. They want to help me win Blaine over, they even seem to think that he and I belong together. They've given me hope again._
> 
> _But, now, maybe Blaine knows too. I don't know what that will do to all of this if Blaine does know. He won't know about the stage of course, but just thinking that maybe he believes me to be a liar…_
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel
> 
>  

\- - -

 

Blaine sipped at his coke and looked up at the lit up stage. Nick slid into the stool next to him.

 

"Hey, having fun?"

 

Blaine shrugged. He didn't know what his problem was. Maybe that he was with Nick, whom he never really hung around, or that he was at a club and the music was loud and it was dark and there were too many people. Nick's friend, Sebastian wasn't going on for another hour and he wasn't even around.

 

"I could get you something stronger than that." Nick pointed at the coke in Blaine's hand and waggled his eyebrows.

 

Blaine shook his head. "No thanks."

 

"Sebastian's in the back, he's going on soon. Do you want to go meet him?"

 

He'd been rethinking the entire thing since he'd gotten there. He didn't know this guy that Nick claimed to be a good guy. He was older and probably more experienced and even if he was an amazing singer, he didn't seem to care about getting an education.

 

"I don't know…"

 

Nick pulled at his arm anyway, until he got up. "Come on, Blaine, why else are we here? Come on!"

 

Blaine sighed and let himself be pulled through a curtain near the bar into a smaller room where a few guys sat around with instruments. Some of them looked like they were on something, others just tired. They were all in some way slumped in seats.

 

Blaine recognized Sebastian at once. He had been the waiter from the other night. He wore skin tight leather pants in a red color that Blaine knew Kurt would not have approved of, with a loose shirt that showed off most of his well defined chest. His hair was jet black and sat messily on his head, falling all over the place. His eyes were a clear blue and once more, Blaine noticed the eyeliner.

 

"Nick!" he said and hugged the Warbler. He extended his hand to Blaine, "Sebastian," he said.

 

"Blaine."

 

Sebastian nodded. "Cool name. Any other Warblers around?"

 

Nick shook his head. "Couldn't get them to come out, so it's just the two of us."

 

Sebastian nodded again and then turned back to Blaine, "how was the date the other night? You didn't look like you were having fun."

 

"You guys know each other?" Nick asked.

 

"No. He was the waiter the other night."

 

"Oh."

 

"It definitely didn't go well," Blaine told Sebastian, "the guy was too interested in himself to actually care though, so no loss."

 

Blaine liked that there didn't seem to be anything between them. He wouldn't lie and say that Sebastian wasn't attractive, because he was, but he didn’t feel any connection to him.

 

"Well," Sebastian said, picking up a guitar, "first dates aren't always the best."

 

Blaine nodded but didn't answer. Nick had been talking to one of the other guys and Blaine saw him take a cigarette. He eyed the other Warbler, but said nothing, turning back to Sebastian.

 

"I hope you like the show today. I haven't done one of these in a few months, now, but it'll be good, I imagine."

 

Blaine said nothing, again.

 

"We should get back to our table," Blaine said after a while, addressing Nick, although only Sebastian heard.

 

"Oh," Sebastian said, "sure. Will I see you later?" He searched his pockets but then reached for a worn bag. "Here it is."

 

Blaine had finally gotten Nick's attention and was making his way to the door.

 

"Wait," Sebastian called, "can I have your number."

 

Blaine blushed and nodded, taking the extended phone and putting his phone in.

 

When Sebastian and his band finally went on, Blaine was surprised at just how good they were. Sebastian didn't have the melodic voice that Blaine had been dreaming of for months, but Blaine knew without a doubt that it would go well with his regardless. He was suddenly glad that the older boy had his number.

 

Somehow, Nick had convinced him to have something more than just a coke halfway through their set list and Blaine should have realized after the second drink that nothing good would come of drinking so much. He also should have known that he'd be a light weight.

 

"Hey, man, we should be heading back," Nick said to a giggling Blaine.

 

"But…but I like it here," he said and shook his head to the music, a pout present on his lips. "Come dance with me."

 

Nick shook his head. "No, Blaine, we have to go back to Dalton. We're already cutting it close."

 

Sebastian had already done his last song and the band was packing up. He came up to them and Blaine smiled up at him and rested his head on his arm.

 

"What's going on?"

 

"I might have sneaked Blaine a few drinks. I didn't know he was such a light weight and now he doesn't want to leave. Could you help me get him in the car."

 

"Choo smell good," he groaned rolling his head.

 

Sebastian chuckled. "Let's get him out of here."

 

Blaine giggled and tried to walk on his own, but after he ran into a wall, Nick held on to him and Blaine leaned into him.

 

A few minutes later he was strapped into the passenger seat of Nick's car and after saying goodbye to Sebastian, Blaine giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek, they headed back to Dalton.

 

When they got into the parking lot, Nick somehow managed to get Blaine out of the car and to Stevenson. It took him a while to get the door open, but eventually made it inside. Once in the foyer, he helped Blaine to the common room and got him to sit down while he fetched him a glass of water.

 

Blaine fell sideways into the couch with a laugh and then kicked off his shoes. When Nick returned, he drank the glass of water quickly.

 

"Alright," Nick said, watching him, "I guess I'll get you back to your room. Kurt can take care of you now, I don't fancy watching you throw up later."

 

Blaine half crawled, half walked up the stairs with Nick close by so he wouldn't fall. It took a while to get him up there, but eventually they did and then leaning between the wall and Nick, Blaine made it to his room, the door of which he opened just to stumble inside.

 

Kurt was seated on his bed with Thad and both boys looked up.

 

"Blaine," Thad said.

 

Kurt closed his lap top lid and stood up.

 

"What happened?" Thad asked.

 

Blaine picked himself up and grinned. "Kurt!" he said loudly and threw himself at the taller boy, who managed to get a good hold on him, but turned scarlet and then pulled back from him in surprise and made a motion to Thad who approached them.

 

"Is he drunk?"

 

Nick nodded. "Sorry." He backed himself out of the room, "good luck taking care of him."

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> It was stupid to think that some random guy I didn't know could somehow have some connection with me, that he could be someone I'd like._
> 
> _I never knew I didn't want to be alone. I thought I was okay. I thought it didn't bother me being single._
> 
> _I can't believe I got drunk…_
> 
> __  
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

\- - -

 

Kurt walked Blaine to sit on his own bed and tried to get the other boy to let go of him, but Blaine clung to him.

 

Thad laughed from the other side of the room. "I didn't picture him as the clingy drunk, but I guess it works for him."

 

Kurt just glared.

 

"Okay, okay, um, I guess I'll get coffee or something for him, that'll help, right?"

 

Kurt nodded and tried to pry Blaine's hands from around him, but Blaine pulled him closer instead. Thad laughed as he left the room. Blaine nuzzled into Kurt's neck.

 

"I missed you."

 

Kurt sighed and pushed Blaine to lie down, hoping to be let go, but Blaine pulled him down with him. This was how Thad found them a while later.

 

"You guys are adorable," Thad said with a grin, "I'll fetch a camera in a bit. Here, sit him up, so he can drink."

 

Blaine sat up by himself, his hold slacking on Kurt as the aroma of coffee came to him. Kurt thought he looked just a bit too excited about the coffee and for a moment wondered if giving him coffee was a good idea.

 

Thad presented him with the mug of hot coffee. Blaine took it at once, clumsily, though he didn't spill it. Kurt got off the bed while he could and stood with Thad at the foot of Blaine's bed.

 

"So, do you think he knows?" Thad asked.

 

Kurt shrugged.

 

"Yeah, can't really tell, but on the upside, he didn't seem mad at you, so maybe he doesn't. know." Thad smiled reassuringly at Kurt and then squeezed Blaine's shoulder. "Good luck with him, I should get to my room. Will you be okay?"

 

Kurt shrugged again.

 

"I hope that means yes," Thad muttered and gathered his things.

 

Kurt smiled at Thad and walked him to the door, waving and mouthing a thank you.

 

Blaine was about halfway through the cup of coffee, a silly grin hidden behind the cup. He had crossed his legs and held the mug between his hands. His eyes were closed as if that helped to savor the coffee even more and Kurt found himself leaning against the door and just watching him.

 

"Kurt," Blaine said some minutes later, setting the cup aside and getting back to his feet, only a little wobbly now. He walked to where Kurt was standing. "I…you're so beautiful, Kurt."

 

Kurt gasped, the sound not coming out right.

 

"Pretty hair. Your eyes…I can't describe them. So beautiful, my Kurt."

 

Kurt's eyes were wide. What did this mean? What was Blaine doing, did he really feel this way? Confusion and question after question appeared in his mind. Arms wound around his waist, suddenly. Kurt almost pushed him away, except that having Blaine's arms around him was the best thing in the world.

 

Blaine's face was against Kurt's neck, his breath tickling at his skin. Kurt shuddered. He knew it was wrong to let Blaine do anything in the state he was in, but having Blaine so close, calling him beautiful and bringing him closer and closer was too much of a distraction to ignore.

 

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine breathed, his lips met Kurt's neck and Kurt let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding.

 

The kisses were faint, barely a brush of lips against skin, but they were more than Kurt had ever felt before, crawling up Kurt's neck.

 

"You're mine, you know, even without your voice," Blaine said, pulling back just a bit, his eyes meeting Kurt's, before he pushed forward, their mouths meeting.

 

The kiss was sloppy. It was better than Karofsky, but Brittany's kisses though meaningless could have been better. It was too hard, switching to too soft as if Blaine didn't know what he wanted. Blaine nipped at Kurt's lower lip and then he pulled back suddenly, face white as a sheet before he ran in the direction of the bathroom.


	9. Chapter 9

Kurt woke up that morning with a broad smile. Blaine had kissed him. A kiss that had come from a night of drinking, sloppy and uncoordinated in all possible ways, but a kiss nonetheless. More importantly, Blaine had also called him beautiful and refused to let him go when he'd eventually returned from the bathroom, until he passed out on Kurt's shoulder and he'd settled him in bed, not daring to change him into pajamas, but making him as comfortable as possible.

 

Somehow, he woke up after Blaine, but once he heard the telltale sound of him barfing in the bathroom, he knew what had woken up his roommate.

 

The bathroom door was open and Kurt spied Blaine slumping over the toilet. He walked into the bathroom with a wrinkle of his nose and knelt down next to Blaine, helping him sit back from the toilet.

 

"I think I've gotten all of it out," Blaine said, his voice just the slightest bit hoarse. "I've never drunk before last night…I can't believe I let Nick talk me into it."

 

Blaine tried to stand up, but slipped. Kurt grabbed onto him and pulled him to a standing position.

 

"Thanks."

 

Kurt nodded and Blaine made his way to the sink. He gargled some water, brushed his teeth, and then pulled out mouth wash. Kurt just watched him. Nothing seemed to have changed, as if Blaine didn't remember anything, or he was deliberately not bringing it up.

 

Kurt deflated a little, but didn't leave the bathroom, just watching Blaine.

 

"I'm so lucky today's Sunday," Blaine said when he was done, "I think I'm just going to lie in bed all day. I don't even know what you're supposed to do to take care of these." He groaned and walked a little wobbly to the other room and threw himself into his bed.

 

Kurt followed, confused and hurt. Blaine had kissed him. He'd pretty much admitted that he found Kurt attractive.

 

He walked to grab his dry erase board.

 

'Gatorade helps.'

 

"David probably has some, could you fetch me some, Kurt?"

 

Kurt nodded. He needed to get out of there anyway. Blaine didn't remember. He'd been out with Nick and gotten drunk, come back to their dorm and kissed him and didn't remember. Kurt didn’t think he'd been that drunk. He walked to Thad's and David's room, shoeless and knocked on their door out of politeness, before he pushed it open.

 

David was still asleep, but Thad stood by a window with a large mug of tea and oversized, blue toy glassed atop his head. He turned to look at Kurt.

 

"Hey. How's Blaine?"

 

Kurt erased the 'helps' and added a question mark.

 

"Killed of a hangover, then. In the mini-fridge."

 

Kurt nodded and walked to the mini-fridge on David's side of the room and found orange Gatorade. He pulled a bottle and closed it. He paused before turning to Thad, wondering if he should tell him what happened.

 

Thad seemed to sense that something had indeed happened, because he stepped forward, "anything wrong, Kurt? Does he know?"

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

'He kissed me,' he wrote on the dry erase board.

 

"Last night, while he was drunk." Thad frowned.

 

'I don't think he remembers. He hasn't said anything.'

 

Thad nodded and stepped closer, pulling Kurt into a hug. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with him right now. But, you know, people do tend to be more honest when they're drunk. En vino veritas."

 

Kurt nodded. He knew that, but it didn't make things better. If Blaine somehow knew that he liked Kurt, then why wasn't he doing anything about it? He went on all those dates looking for some guy that was perfect for him and he still didn't realize that he already had him.

 

He motioned for the door and Thad nodded. "I'll see you later, alright, and don't let it get you down."

 

Kurt gave a shrug and walked back to his dorm. He knew he shouldn't be mad at Blaine. The kiss had happened while he was drunk, there was always the possibility that he'd wind up forgetting it.

 

"Hey, Kurt," Wes said, brightly, "I heard Blaine got a bit drunk last night. How is he?"

 

Kurt touched his head to mime a headache and hopefully get across that Blaine had a hangover. Wes seemed to get it.

 

"Well, at least that means he'll stay in bed today, just act as his nurse or something for the rest of the day."

 

Kurt rolled his eyes. Of course he was going to take care of Blaine.

 

"See you later, then. Good luck."

 

Blaine had changed into pajamas and was wrapped up in his blankets, but he opened his eyes when he heard Kurt return.

 

"Hey," he said, "so I just drink Gatorade?"

 

Kurt nodded.

 

"Hopefully that will make me feel a little better. Thanks, Kurt. And, sorry if I was out of it last night." His cheeks were tinted pink and he looked away from Kurt.

 

For a moment Kurt wondered if Blaine remembered, if that was what he meant. He waited with baited breath for Blaine to say it, but he didn't. Instead he was drinking some of the Gatorade.

 

Kurt sighed and went to pick out his clothes for the day. Even if he wasn't leaving the room that day, there was no reason he couldn't be fashionable.

 

\- - -

>   
>  _  
> A part of me doesn't want him to remember it. I never wanted our first kiss to be drunken on either of our parts, but it was still our first kiss and maybe I was hoping it'd be a great moment we both cherished, not something like this and certainly not something that only I would remember._
> 
> _Maybe it doesn't even count. We could have a do-over and call that our first kiss, but I don't even know if that will actually happen, ever, and so I'll take what I can get for now.  
> _
> 
>  
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel  
> 

\- - -

 

Never before had Blaine hated himself more than the moment he woke up that morning, head pounding, mouth dry, and something churning in his stomach. He just made it to the bathroom in time to collapse against the toilet, and he stayed there, head leaning into the cold porcelain. Why had he gotten drunk?

 

Regret and guilt rushed through him. He hadn’t just gotten drunk. He remembered Kurt, beautiful and warm. Blaine groaned when it came to him, the kiss. His first kiss, and he couldn't properly remember it. It was just a hazy memory. What he did know was that it shouldn't have happened. If he was ever to kiss Kurt, it shouldn't have been some drunken kiss that probably did nothing to endear Kurt to kisses. Another stolen kiss to put next to the one that had been taken by Karofsky.

 

God, why had he done that!

 

Bile rose in his throat and Blaine didn't know if it was due to his hangover or the disgust he felt for what he'd done to Kurt.

 

Suddenly, Kurt was there and helping him up and Blaine couldn't help but want to be as close as possible to the other boy, even though Kurt probably wanted nothing to do with him. Still, Kurt helped him. Blaine didn't know what he did to deserve a friend like Kurt.

 

Blaine didn't want to be the one to bring it up. He was being a coward again, and hiding behind the possibility that he'd forgotten about it. Kurt didn't seem bothered, as if he didn't remember. For some reason, that Kurt could think so little of it made Blaine want to bring it up and want to talk about it. He didn't.

 

While Kurt went to get him Gatorade, he got out of his dirty clothes and into soft pajamas and then back into bed.

 

His head throbbed in a way that Blaine wasn't familiar with. He never drank, ever, and he couldn't even remember the last time he was sick enough to have a headache. He groaned and sank into his pillows, hiding his face in one of them. He really just wanted it to be over already.

 

Later, after he'd finally fallen asleep again, Blaine woke up feeling better than the first time. His stomach wasn't churning anymore, and although the headache was not as intense as before, it was still present.

 

Kurt was at the other side of the room, typing away on his computer. Blaine watched him for a while, wondering if there should even be a discussion. He'd already apologized for anything that he might have said, acting as if he didn't remember exactly what he said and what he did.

 

Kurt stopped typing, seemed to re-read what he'd written, and then clicked on something and sat back, content, just staring at the screen.

 

Blaine shifted in the bed, and Kurt turned at once.

 

"Hey," he said.

 

Kurt just smiled and brought out his board again, 'Are you feeling better?'.

 

"Much."

 

Blaine sat up and leaned back against his headboard. "Thanks for earlier. Do you have any idea where my phone went, by the way? And, what time is it?"

 

'No idea. 2:43.'

 

"Thanks. I'll look for it later, doesn't matter, now, I want to just stay in bed all day." His stomach choose that moment to make a noise.

 

Kurt lifted an eyebrow.

 

"But I guess I should eat something. Do you want to go with me somewhere? I don't think I could stand Dalton food today."

 

Blaine didn't know why he asked, or why he got so nervous about hearing the answer. It was just Kurt. And, yes, they'd kissed the night before, despite how much Blaine regretted the kiss, but that should not have made him nervous.

 

'Sure.'

 

Smiling, Blaine got out of bed. "I think I'll take a shower first." He gathered a few clothes for the day and took them with him to the bathroom, "I'll be out in a bit."

 

Blaine found his phone in the bathroom, sitting on the floor by the toilet. It was luckily not wet or covered in any other gross things that might have not made it into the toilet earlier. he had no messages or missed calls, but there was something that Blaine knew he wanted with his phone.

 

When he got out of the shower, feeling a tad better than before he'd entered it, he heard someone in the other room. Thad, he realized a moment later. From where he was standing he could barely make out what he was saying.

 

"…so, progress. I told you so. Kurt, stop fretting so much…doesn't…about that and…listen to that crazy friend of yours…you said…insane…just let it flow. Jeff said…connection…"

 

Blaine knew it was wrong, but he couldn't understand the friendship that Kurt and Thad had. It had gone from Thad questioning everything about Kurt to them hanging out constantly and Blaine had no idea why it bothered him so much. He pressed his head to the door.

 

"There was nothing between them. You gave up so much for him, and I know it's hard, and he doesn't remember and it's terrible and I hate that it's hurting you, but you're close. You'll get it back and Wes will be more thrilled than even him."

 

Blaine frowned. What were they talking about. He didn't understand. What had Kurt given up, and why was he hurt? More importantly, why did Kurt confide in Thad and not him. He thought they were closer than that. Kurt didn't need to hide anything from him. Blaine waited for Thad to say something else but nothing came, and then after a while he heard the door close.

 

He stayed in the bathroom a moment longer, fixing his clothes and wondering if he should even bother with gel, if he was going to come back and head directly to bed. He left the gel bottle in its place and went back into the other room.

 

"Ready Kurt?"

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _The only other time I had alcohol was at a wedding, and then it was a few sips of the wine mom was drinking and nothing more. I know it lowers inhibitions and it makes you make terrible decisions, but I was doing so well before getting back to the dorm._
> 
> _Kissing Kurt was a mistake. I don't want to hurt him and I know that will. After Karofsky, this just isn't the type of thing that he'd receive well. I can't wrap my mind around the fact that I did that._
> 
> _Worse still, I hate that I enjoyed it…that I can remember what he tasted like and how soft his lips were.  
> _
> 
>  
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

 

Blaine didn't know why he texted Sebastian, but he did and he was pleasantly surprised when Sebastian invited him out for coffee. Blaine, not one to turn down coffee, agreed and on the day that Wes had a dentist appointment, and so, the Warbler meeting was cancelled, he headed to his car after a quick "see you later" to Kurt, to meet Sebastian.

 

In the light of day and without the distractions of the club around them, Blaine discovered that Nick was right. Sebastian was just his type, and he could sing. It was the sweet, clear voice that had once been in his dreams, but it was just as good.

 

"So how was the hangover?" Sebastian asked, after paying for their coffee and biscotti.

 

Blaine snorted. "Terrible. Never drinking again. I kissed my roommate and I don't even know how to feel about that…and he really helped me out the next morning and I just felt awful, you know."

 

Sebastian tapped his fingers together. "Do you like him? You did kiss him."

 

"I…" He didn't know how to explain it to Sebastian.

 

"You like him," Sebastian said after a while, this time a decisive statement. Blaine couldn't even argue against it.

 

"So, what's holding you back, then? I mean, you're here having coffee with me and I'm not going to lie and say I didn't have an ulterior motive. I didn't think you were going to text me. I like you, Blaine, but you're sort of hung up on this guy, aren’t you?"

 

Blaine shook his head. "He's my best friend, these days, and it'd be nice and everything, but I don't think I…I don't know."

 

Sebastian nodded. "You don’t…and I'm not going to push you, Blaine. I mean, coffee's nice, but figure out what you want, first."

 

After that, things got a bit awkward, and both went their own ways once they'd finished with the coffee, Blaine thinking more and more about Kurt. He really didn't know where he stood with the younger boy. This week had been odd. Kurt hung around him more, and looked sadder and sadder with each passing day, especially after he went on his computer.

 

Blaine had asked him a few times if there was anything he could do, but Kurt had just given him a look that Blaine couldn't decipher.

 

And Thad and Kurt were spending more and more time together, sometimes with Wes and David. He didn't understand it, or why suddenly Wes was adamant that Blaine didn't need to date or get a boyfriend. David constantly asked Blaine about Kurt and if he was still so focused on the voice thing. Blaine didn't understanding any of them anymore, and he didn't want to.

 

When he got back to his dorm, he found Kurt sitting with Thad on the floor, their backs pressed to Kurt's bed.

 

Kurt's head was on Thad's shoulder and he looked like he'd been crying.

 

"You can visit them," Thad was saying, "they won't care. Maybe you should tell them. Rachel knows. They're your friends."

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

Blaine coughed, "Hey, guys, what's going on, what's wrong?" he walked to kneel in front of them. "Kurt, is there anything I can do?"

 

Kurt buried his head in Thad's shoulder and Thad shot him a glare and rubbed at Kurt's arm.

 

"It'll be okay, you can be strong, Kurt."

 

Blaine put a hand on Kurt's knee and rubbed it. Kurt looked up at him in surprise. His eyes were filled with unshed tears, but his eyes were the slightest bit red from crying before.

 

"What's wrong, Kurt? I can only help if you tell me."

 

Kurt shook his head, but instead of breaking down further, he pushed off the ground and walked into the bathroom.

 

Thad stared after him and then got up. "He just needs a friend right now, Blaine. I actually have to go. I wasn't going to, but now you're here. Just, don't ask him why, just be there for him."

 

Frowning, Blaine nodded and watched him pick up his things and leave. Blaine sighed. He couldn't even begin to imagine what could possibly be wrong with Kurt.

 

\- - -

>   
> 
> 
> _I've never wanted to be there for someone more than Kurt, to help him and hold him while he goes through anything. But he didn't come to me, he went to Thad and to Wes and David. I don't know why I feel so betrayed._
> 
> _I can't stand to see him so sad and I can't believe that something could have happened to make him so upset._
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

The wedding was in three days. Rachel had told him via e-mail. She was the only one that responded to him. He didn't care go on facebook to talk to his friends, to face the possibility that they wouldn't respond, but he'd e-mailed all of them and only Rachel responded. She filled him in on everything that was going at McKinley, every small nuance in her life. For a full page she'd ranted about Finn and Kurt had only managed to read it because he wanted to know everything.

 

Thad had found him crying over the wedding and how he hadn't even been invited. Thad had insisted at once that he go anyway, that he'd go with him, but Kurt knew there was no point. He didn't have a voice and his friends and family had forgotten him and all he wanted was to get to the wedding, his voice intact, and not even care how atrocious the decorations would be. Carole might have started to have a better eye for fashion, but Kurt knew she still desperately needed help with picking the right colors.

 

He splashed water on his face to rid himself of the evidence of his tears even though he knew that they would come again. He couldn't stop crying. It wasn't even just his family forgetting him. There was also Blaine.

 

Blaine who knew or didn't know about the kiss and either way had not been affected at all. He still acted like Kurt's friend. Closer to him, sometimes, touching him more at other time, but still just a friend. He'd gone off to meet some guy that afternoon, and Kurt had felt jealousy just eat him up inside. This wasn't a guy that Wes had introduced Blaine to. Blaine had met him by himself and liked him enough.

 

Kurt pat his cheeks dry and turned back to the mirror to look at his face. His moisturizing routine would need to be a bit more intensive that night after all his crying, he decided, and took a deep breath before going out to the other room.

 

 

Thad was gone as expected, gone to give him and Blaine some time alone.

 

Blaine sat on his bed, but stood up when he entered, crossing the room to take his hands.

 

"Kurt," he breathed.

 

It reminded him so much of the other night, but Kurt swept that out of his thoughts. He couldn't think about the way Blaine held him or called him his, or the soft lips that had given him a too wet kiss.

 

"I won't ask what's wrong…I know maybe it's not something you want to talk about, but I'm here, okay."

 

Kurt nodded and Blaine dropped his hands. Kurt started to walk around him, but Blaine pulled him into a hug, instead.

 

"You looked like you could use one," Blaine said as if that explained everything."

 

Kurt was still for a moment, but he relaxed a moment later, head falling to Blaine's shoulder, his eyes closing. If he had Blaine, everything else wouldn't matter. If he had Blaine he wouldn't care as much the his father had forgotten him. If he had Blaine, it wouldn't hurt that not even Finn tried to contact him and they were going to be brothers in three days.

 

But he didn't have Blaine, and slowly Kurt was starting to think that he never would. Blaine was wonderful and amazing, but Kurt couldn't just sit around for much longer, waiting for him to finally realize what he -- if the alcohol had served to bring out his true feelings -- felt for him.

 

"So, whatever it is, we should get your mind off of it. So, what do you think of a movie? Your choice. Whereas Thad is the resident bibliophile, Jeff happens to have almost every movie ever made that has come out on DVD in his closet."

 

Kurt wanted at once to comment on the improper use of a closet, but instead he nodded and pulled back, slowly from Blaine, who took his hand again and proceeded to drag him up the stairs to Nick's and Jeff's room. He knocked on the door and a tired looking Jeff opened up, one hand on the door, the other trying to smooth down his hair.

 

"Oh, good, you're not Thad," he said as if that was greeting enough, "what can I do for you boys?"

 

"Who is it?" Nick called out, "better not be Thad. I get tired just by looking at you after he drags you off."

 

"Nope," Jeff said and opened the door wider, "it's Kurt and Blaine. So, what did you need anyway?"

 

"We came to borrow a movie or two," Blaine said.

 

"Oh. Yeah, sure. Just go ahead into the closet." He stepped aside to let them through and Blaine pulled Kurt along.

 

Their room was a mixture of chaos and cleanliness, but it was so spread throughout the room that Kurt couldn't be sure which one was messy and which organized.

 

Blaine showed Kurt to the collection of DVDs and Kurt busied himself looking for something that wouldn't immediately remind him of home, but that could also comfort him. Blaine left him to it and walked to stand just outside the closet.

 

"How was the date today?" Nick's voice carried to Kurt.

 

"I don't think it was really a date. Although, that still went over better than any of the actual dates I went on. I like him. You were right about him being more my type, and he and his band were pretty good the other night."

 

Kurt's eyes swam with tears. Of course Blaine was interested in the guy he'd gone to coffee with. He wiped at his eyes and hoped that he wouldn't cry over this. He tried to find a movie, but couldn't see anything. He grabbed one at random and then another and after taking a few deep breaths handed them to Blaine.

 

"Oh, ready? Alright, cool. See you guys. Thanks, Jeff, I'll get them back to you later." Blaine smiled at them and turned to Kurt as they got back to the hall, "what'd you pick?"

 

Kurt shrugged and handed him the movies.

 

Blaine took the movies and laughed. "The Sound of Musical, okay, I have to ask, were you named after Kurt?"

 

Kurt nodded.

 

Blaine looked at the second and paused, "um…Kurt did you mean to pick this?"

 

It was The Wrestler and a very un-Kurt like movie.

 

Kurt shrugged and Blaine eyed him. "Right, well, I guess if you really want to watch it…"

 

Kurt continued to the stairs and Blaine followed. Kurt didn't even care that either movie he picked were not movies he wanted to watch. He didn't really feel up to a movie at all anymore. All he wanted was to go home. To sleep in his bed at home and wake up to his dad having burnt the toast again despite Kurt telling him to not bother making breakfast. He wanted to be able to go to Glee club and sing his heart out.

 

It had all been a mistake: Coming to Dalton and thinking that he could make Blaine fall for him. It was all a joke. Of course Blaine wouldn't like him. The kiss had meant nothing, it hadn't been a representation of his repressed feelings. Kurt was just being silly again and just making things up in his head and of course he was going to end up hurt.

 

"Kurt? Are you okay? Kurt?"

 

Kurt didn't answer, walking past their room to David's and Thad's and walking in without knocking, barely realizing that Blaine had followed.

 

\- - -

>   
> 
> 
> _I thought he wasn't really interested in that guy. I thought maybe he was trying to figure out his feelings for me, but it's been almost a week since the kiss and I can't stand to be around him every day anymore, not when I don't even have New Directions or my dad behind me._
> 
> _I can't do this anymore._
> 
> _It hurts too much._
> 
> _I love him…  
> _
> 
>  
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel  
> 

\- - -

 

If there was one thing Thad didn't understand, it was Battleship. He flitted from one side of the bed to the other trying to understand what the point was. Wes kept glaring at him every time he came around to his side and David kept asking for information on what was going on with Wes. He tried to get Thad to tell him with book incentives that Thad knew better than to take, if only because Wes was scary.

 

He'd just gotten to Wes' side, when the door burst open, sending a misplaced stack of books to the floor, but Thad could have cared less when he saw Kurt's face, splotchy, scrunched up, tears rolling down his cheeks.

 

"I'll get the books," Wes said.

 

Thad nodded, absently, "thanks." He walked over to Kurt.

 

Kurt seemed to be gasping for air, but he fell into Thad, soundless sobs that made what sounded like choking sounds escaped him but not much else and Thad wished he could do something more for this boy that he'd grown to care way too much about in too short a time.

 

"Oh, Kurt, what did he do? Or did Rachel say something…"

 

Kurt couldn't tell him, and Thad didn't think he would have been able to write or type anything out in his current state. Blaine appeared then, holding two movies, looking confused and Thad wanted to beat him over the head, tie him to chair and present Kurt to him and get him to finally see the light. He'd never though Blaine blind or so confused before, but he was about this boy.

 

"What happened Blaine?" David asked, standing up.

 

Blaine shrugged, "no idea. After Thad left, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie to take his mind off whatever was bothering him, so we went to Jeff's room and I told him to pick something out. I did think he'd take longer, but he came out pretty quick with these two, and one of them isn't exactly something he'd watch. I asked him about it and he got upset and came here."

 

Thad rubbed circles on Kurt's back. He was limp in his arms, still crying a little, but trying to calm down.

 

Wes squeezed his shoulder.

 

"It doesn't have anything to do with you, Blaine," Wes said, frowning at Thad.

 

Thad shook his head. Kurt didn't want Blaine to know.

 

Blaine frowned, and Thad thought he looked as upset as Kurt did, except that he was holding his emotions better. Still, there was something there that Thad had never seen in Blaine's eyes before.

 

"…doesn't mean he can't confide in me," Blaine muttered, "I thought he trusted me, but obviously the three of you know, so I guess not."

 

Thad didn't understand. Was Blaine jealous? He really couldn’t focus on Blaine, not when Kurt was hurting. Kurt who no one should ever have wanted to hurt. He took the other boy to his bed and sat him down now that he was quieter.

 

He fetched Kurt a water bottle and Kurt took it at once, taking a few gulps of water down.

 

"I…" Blaine stopped, finding Kurt's eyes and walking towards him, "Kurt, whatever it is, all I want to do is help. You're my best friend, Kurt, and I can't…I don't want to see you in this much pain."

 

Thad could see it, now, the love and the longing in Blaine. It was all in his body language, the way he looked at Kurt and stood, leaning towards him, hands fisted at his sides so he didn't touch him. It was this hesitance, this idea that Blaine had that Kurt didn't need him that way that would doom them. Kurt would give up and Blaine would not only lose this wonderful boy, but Kurt wouldn't get his voice back changing his entire life forever, and he wouldn't get to be with Blaine.

 

Thad had read many books in his lifetime, all kinds of books. Fiction, non-fiction, biographies, memoirs, anything he could get his hands on. He'd read the greatest tragedies and the greatest love stories. Sometimes, he liked to view people as books and looking at Kurt and Blaine, he didn't want the label to be tragedy. Their story needed to be one of those romantic comedies that had all the strife and journey that made the goal all the better; it needed every moment of misunderstanding and pain, but at the end -- when they reached the last page -- there needed to be that happily ever after. Kurt and Blaine needed to be a fairy tale. A fairy tale from the modern world. 

 

Kurt pulled back from Blaine, turning his face away. A flash of hurt passed through Blaine's eyes and he moved away from the younger boy.

 

"Okay," he said, clearly shaken, "I guess…" He took a deep breath, "you don't need me, then, I…I'll see you later."

 

Blaine turned and walked to the door, he paused to look back at Kurt as if he wanted to say something, but he shook his head. He missed seeing the broken expression on Kurt's face as he watched him go.

 

"Kurt?" Wes asked gently.

 

He was crying again, but his shaky hand reached for something.

 

"What is it? What do you need?" David looked around the room.

 

Kurt made a writing motion.

 

David grabbed his laptop and put in his password, opened a word document and handed it quickly to a still crying Kurt.

 

Thad couldn't picture Kurt years from now, still grasping at written means of communication, trying to get his thoughts out in any way he could and still failing at getting tone or sarcasm to someone that didn't know him, forever mourning his voice and regretting using the stage.

 

'He likes that guy he met when he was drunk, the one he went out to coffee with…and all I want is my dad. I want to go to his room and open all the drawers of my mom's wardrobe and just smell her. I can't do this anymore. He'll be happy with whatever his name is…I don't…I can't keep waiting for him. I love him too much. I want to go home.'

 

Thad shook his head. "No, Kurt. No, you can't. Your voice…"

 

He shrugged and began typing away again, reaching up from time to time to wipe away his tears.

 

Wes and David had their arms around each other and were waiting, silently, as if they for once didn't know what to say.

 

'I could be happy someday, come to accept it. I just…I'm so tired. He kissed me and it was the best and worst thing to ever happen. He was there, so close and I knew still far away. My dad's getting married…and I can't not be there. I love Blaine, but I already gave up my voice and I just can't tear myself apart more. One day I know he'll feel the same, but it isn't today and I can't stand to even be around him anymore. I'm sorry.'

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _Today, I am here to rant about the injustices of the world. How nothing is like the fictional world._
> 
> _This is not my usual style, but I need an outlet, because if I don't I might actually beat him over the head with one of the encyclopedia volumes under David's bed. I hate how oblivious he can be, how he realizes nothing, even when it's right in front of him._
> 
> _How can he not see what he's doing to Kurt? I can't stand it. And poor Kurt. Kurt who's been bullied and put all of his hopes on this…and somehow I know that he was right, that he and Blaine do belong together and that he belongs here with us, at Dalton, but Blaine is blind._
> 
> _I want to fix this. I want to make everything work out. Kurt can't lose his voice. And Blaine can't realize too late that he loves Kurt, only to not be able to express it._
> 
> From the secret blog of Thad Jameson

\- - -

 

You said you were free tonight, right? Well, how about a date? -- Blaine

 

The text sat on his phone screen for a while, before Blaine sent it. He needed a distraction and he needed this. Kurt didn't trust him, and it obviously had something to do with the kiss. If that was any sign that Blaine should just not try to change their friendship into anything else, then Blaine needed to heed it.

 

Kurt seemed to like Thad anyway.

 

Sure. Pick you up in an hour? -- Sebastian

 

Blaine responded in affirmative and picked out a different outfit for that night, trying not to think about what Kurt would say about the entire ensemble. From time to time he wound up just staring at Kurt's side of the room, wishing the other boy was there. He didn't even know why he'd texted Sebastian anymore, but he didn't want to just sit around knowing that Kurt was in the other room and obviously didn't need him.

 

He saw Kurt again when he was leaving.

 

Kurt still looked upset, but resigned somehow and he wrapped his arms tightly around Blaine, surprising him. Blaine hugged him back at once.

 

"Are you okay? Do you want me to stay with you? I was going to get something to eat, but I could cancel on…"

 

Kurt shook his head before he could finish.

 

"Are you sure?"

 

Kurt motioned for him to go and opened the door to their dorm, Blaine felt Kurt's eyes on him as he walked away and for some reason there was some finality to it. When he turned, however, Kurt was already in their room.

 

Sebastian was outside leaning against his car and he greeted Blaine with a hug, before letting him into his car, a beat up pick up.

 

Conversation flowed easily between them, even though half the things he said reminded Blaine of Kurt for some reason. They hadn't before, but everything was Kurt, now.

 

"Is something wrong?" Sebastian asked when they reached the restaurant.

 

"I don't know," Blaine said with a sigh.

 

"Well, earlier today you were sort of conflicted and then you asked me out, out of the blue. What happened, Blaine?"

 

Blaine shrugged, not wanting to answer. He's texted Sebastian, he knew, because he wanted some sort of distraction. Somehow, he couldn’t be distracted from Kurt.

 

"It's your roommate, then?" Sebastian said, he sat back. "Nick mentioned him to me…said there could be something going on."

 

Blaine nodded, stiffly.

 

"Okay, then what are we doing here, Blaine? I like you, I told you that, but that wasn't to make you feel bad about not liking me the same way…what's holding you back from him?"

 

Blaine didn't even know anymore. He couldn't think of any excuse that should keep him from Kurt. "I…"

 

He'd kissed Kurt and Kurt hadn't reacted like he thought he should have considering Karofsky. He'd been telling himself for days that he wouldn't bring it up or think about it through how it had affected Kurt rather than him.

 

"I kissed him," he said at last, with a gasp. It was as if, finally saying it out loud, admitting it, made it real to him. "That night I was drunk, I kissed him…and I pretended I forgot. He's had a bad history with kissing and I thought maybe this would hurt him somehow, but he didn't bring it up too and now…I just, I don't know…"

 

Sebastian sighed and dropped his head to his hands, rubbing his eyes, before he looked up again, "you know, and I'm happy for you."

 

"What?"

 

Sebastian turned the key and the car sprang to life. "I'll take you back," he said.

 

"No!"

 

Sebastian's hand dropped from the wheel. "What is it?"

 

Blaine took a deep breath. "I don't want to go back just yet, can we just do something for a bit…I need to think about this some more. He…he's mute…I…I've always…that shouldn't matter to me."

 

Sebastian pulled out of the parking lot. "I'll take you out for coffee again, alright? That'll give you enough time."

 

When Blaine got back to Dalton, he noticed at once that Kurt's car wasn't in its spot. He said nothing to Sebastian, but smiled at him as best as he could and headed towards Stevenson.

 

Thad, Wes, and David were in the common room and it was surprising to see that there was no one else. Thad was on the phone.

 

"Come on, Rachel, you have to stop him. Don't let him do that…you know what will happen…"

 

Blaine stopped at the door, "what's going on?" He asked and then when they didn't answer, "where's Kurt?"

 

Thad was listening to the girl on the phone with him.

 

"I know he's miserable, just try to…Blaine's back, just make him really think about it, distract him, anything. We'll get there….I'm telling him."

 

Blaine looked between them. "What's going on?" He asked again, already fearing the worst.

 

He'd come, almost ready to go up there and see Kurt and tell him just what he was feeling…and now…

 

Wes and David approached him. "We have to go," David said grabbing his arm. "Come on, we'll explain on the way. Can you drive Wes?"

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _Spell. Stage. Kurt. Voice._
> 
> _I can't even think properly…can't write it down, can’t say…_
> 
> _Oh god, what did I do?_
> 
> __  
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

 

Kurt tried to smile at Rachel, but failed. He took a deep breath and stepped up onto the stage. It was different this time, harder to get up there now that he knew. His hands shook at they touched the microphone, holding it hard between them. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He opened his lips and without any effort and for the first time in weeks a note rang out loud and clear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tiny note that is more than unimportant...The Sebastian in this story is not Sebastian Smythe.   
> This Sebastian was created long before the Warbler...somehow they have the same name.


	10. Chapter 10

"…we found out by accident, he was at Sectionals in the audience to see his friends from New Directions and so we told Thad about it and he'd been looking into Kurt already…Blaine, he can sing, he's the one you've been looking for…I wouldn't be surprised if he was with you at the Lima Bean that day."

 

Blaine couldn't believe it. He couldn't wrap his mind around it. David patted his shoulder with a strained smile. Kurt could sing. Kurt had been part of a Glee club. He didn't understand. Why didn't Kurt have a voice then?

 

"He gave it up, Blaine," Thad said, turning to look at him from the passenger seat.

 

"Gave it up…"

 

Thad nodded sadly, "to get away from his bullies, his old life…" he paused and met David's eyes before he continued, "to be with you"

 

Blaine gasped. He didn't understand everything, or how it had happened, but he understood that. Kurt had given up his voice, his precious voice for him, to be with him and Blaine hadn't realized, hadn't seen him.

 

"Oh, god," he said and dropped his face into his hands, "I…so, what are we doing? Where are we going? You didn't say…"

 

"Just go around him," David sad to Wes. They'd come across a particularly slow driver.

 

Wes nodded. "Give me a sec."

 

"Where are we going?"

 

Thad answered him, "we're going to stop Kurt from giving up on you. He…he decided he couldn't handle it anymore. He misses his dad and his friends and it's gotten to be too much for him."

 

"Oh. So, he's just reversing it, then? Why the rush?"

 

Thad stared at him for a while as if he hoped that Blaine would just get it from the look he was giving him.

 

"He's giving up his voice permanently to be with his friends and family. He'll never sing or talk again. He thinks it's a better option for him than staying at Dalton."

 

Blaine gasped. No. He couldn't do that. He couldn't just give up. This was why he'd been crying all day, looking so miserable. Blaine couldn't believe it, didn't want to believe that Kurt would just give up.

 

"Why?" He asked. There needed to be an explanation, something more than Kurt just getting tired of waiting.

 

Thad looked at his phone for a moment and then back to Blaine, "his father's getting married in three days and he hasn't talked to him or his friends since coming to Dalton and it's killing him and you…you kissed him and ignored it and went out on date after date and even today, even though you knew he was hurting, you were out with some guy."

 

Blaine gaped at him, surprised at the anger interlaced with Thad's voice, anger at him, he knew. It was his fault then, his fault for being oblivious and stubborn and even shallow when it came down to it.

 

Blaine said nothing else for the remainder of their drive to the Lima Bean. Instead he tried to look out the window and not consider that they could be too late. They couldn't be late. The universe wouldn't want them to be late.

 

Wes didn't even properly park his car, before he and Thad were running into the coffee shop. Blaine had already spotted Kurt's car.

 

"How long before us did he leave?"

 

"Maybe fifteen minutes, possibly half an hour," Thad said, "we didn't realize he was already gone. Something…he wasn't leaving until tomorrow."

 

Again, that had been his fault. He should have just stayed despite what Kurt said, stayed with him rather than run off to try dating Sebastian.

 

The Lima Bean was mostly empty. There was just a man half asleep in a corner booth, the two baristas and an upset looking girl that looked mildly familiar.

 

Kurt was on the stage, eyes closed, tears rolling down his cheeks. He opened his mouth and Blaine stopped short when he heard the voice. There it was, that clear sound he'd been dreaming of, coming from Kurt. God, he'd been stupid.

 

"Come on, we have to stop him," Thad said, urgently.

 

Blaine broke out of the trance, he weaved through tables to the stage, eyes never leaving Kurt.

 

He'd begun to sing, the song Blaine had always heard in his mind. Why was he singing?

 

Thad pushed him forward. Blaine tried to step onto the stage, but something, some kind of force pushed him back.

 

The girl that had been standing by the stage gasped. "No," she said.

 

"Why didn't you stop him, Rachel?" Thad asked her.

 

She didn't answer because she was sobbing into her hands. Kurt's voice carried over them. Blaine tried again and again to get to him, from all sides. Kurt never once opened his eyes, but as the song went on the sadness that had been present on his face began to be replaced by some sort of peace.

 

More light surrounded him, different colors winding around him like strands. He kept singing, his knuckles white from how he held the microphone.

 

Blaine couldn't believe it. Were they too late? He pushed against the force around the stage again, but he was pushed back instead. He groaned and tried to keep the tears pooling in his eyes from falling, but they were there, ready fall. He wiped at his eyes and tried again. Nothing.

 

Kurt kept singing.

 

Blaine saw Wes and David rush in out of the corner of his eye, he collapsed against them both and they stood back and just watched. Blaine couldn't believe that this voice, this beautiful voice could be gone from now on. He couldn't stand the thought.

 

The light began to disappear as Kurt's song came to an end. He gasped loudly and then clutched at his throat, eyes still closed. He fell in a heap on the stage and Blaine rushed forward, this time allowed through to the other side. Thad followed behind him, but Blaine reached him first.

 

"Kurt?" He asked.

 

Kurt didn't stir. Blaine knelt down next to him and gently pulled him into his arms, his limp body falling into him perfectly. How had he not noticed Kurt, not realized that he was just what he needed.

 

"Oh, Kurt," he whispered.

 

There was a serene expression on Kurt's face, a small smile was on his lips. Somehow, he was happy. Blaine leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe, he needed to heed that saying, to let Kurt go because he loved him.

 

Blaine didn't dare kiss him on the lips, not like this, but he held him for a while longer, before he stood, Kurt cradled in his arms.

 

"Where?" he asked.

 

The girl, Rachel, stepped forward, still sobbing a little. "His car," she managed to get out.

 

He nodded.

 

"What are you doing, Blaine?" Thad asked.

 

"I'm letting him go. He…he wants his friends and family. I can't do this to him, stay with him now, after everything he's gone through. It'd be like mocking what he did. It would destroy us."

 

Rachel opened the passenger seat and Blaine set Kurt down in there. He cupped Kurt's face and pressed his forehead against the passed out boy, closing his eyes. How had it come to this.

 

Rachel got into the driver's seat. "He told me to take him home as soon as possible," she explained.

 

Blaine nodded. "Don't tell him we were here."

 

Thad began to protest.

 

"It will hurt him more and you know it. We didn't get here in time…all is this is my fault. I don't deserve him. I never did…let's just go, please."

 

They watched Rachel and Kurt drive off. Blaine got back into Wes' car, refusing to let himself cry more even though his heart was breaking to pieces.

 

\- - -

>   
> 
> 
> _I don't know what to do anymore. My mother always said, hindsight is 20/20. I hate that she's right. I hate that he's gone._
> 
> _Looking back I see all the clues. He tried to talk so many times even though he couldn't. He knew just what to say about how I should improve my singing when I practiced in our room. Thad says he even told me he could talk once and that they were waiting for me to just ask him about it._
> 
> _How could I have been so blind? How did I miss him while he was standing right in front of me? Why did realization come too late?_
> 
> _I love him. I love him. I love him._
> 
> _He could have been mine. I could have been his._
> 
> _My Kurt, will you ever forgive me?_
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson  
> 

\- - -

 

Kurt leaned his head against his father's shoulder, wishing that he could say something, anything more than he'd ever before, but the silence was nice too. The thing was, that being with his dad, just sitting there even though he could go back to his room and practice a song for Glee club like he would have normally, it did quench some of the sadness that had been ever present in his last days at Dalton.

 

Burt held his hand tightly, as if he was afraid that Kurt would disappear again.

 

"In the back of my mind I knew you were gone. I would turn around and there was always something missing, but I just could never figure out what. I guess that was that stage of your talking?"

 

Kurt nodded. Because Rachel knew, because she'd been there and witnessed it, she'd remembered and even with knowing she hadn't tried to contact him until he saw her at Sectionals. Everyone else had forgotten, not noticed that he wasn't there. Out of sight, out of mind, as they said.

 

"We'll post pone the wedding if you want, so you can have your say on everything," his father continued.

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

"Okay. I know you would have wanted to be a part of the planning."

 

Kurt shrugged. He was just tired now. He knew he wasn't going to be happy with every choice they'd made without him, but he also knew that there was no point in postponing the wedding just for him.

 

He closed his eyes and let out a breath, inhaling a moment later and taking in his dad's scent, the slight smell of motor oil mixed with the subtle scent of the face cream Kurt had insisted his father use.

 

"Finn's been using your room," his father said suddenly, "for some reason he hasn’t touched your things."

 

Kurt nodded. The more important things had been with him anyway, he still wasn't looking forward to going down to his room and seeing the state it was probably in. He pulled back from his dad a little and lifted his legs to fold underneath him. He'd missed this too much. He just wanted to sit like this forever.

 

"They should be home soon," his dad said a few minutes later. "I was supposed to get dinner started, want to help?" He tilted his head to look at Kurt.

 

Kurt smiled and nodded again, wishing that he could answer with words instead. But this was going to be the rest of his life. They stood up together and Kurt leaned into his father as they walked towards the familiar kitchen. He picked up the dry erase board from where he'd left it, leaning against the wall and fished the capped marker out of his pocket. He couldn't even think about what the rest of his life would be, always writing out messages, typing things out, or eventually even learning sign language.

 

Despite having been mute for weeks and having gotten used to it, now that he was back at home, he had a hard time remembering again. He opened his mouth as they got to the kitchen to ask what they were making, but closed it with a pout, writing the question out instead.

 

Finn and Carole arrived halfway through the dinner making process and Carole pushed Kurt out of the room after hugging him.

 

"I'll take care of the rest, honey, just go hang out with Finn."

 

When he didn't say anything, because he couldn't say anything, she didn't even question it. He looked at his father.

 

"Rachel talked to us for a bit."

 

Carole smiled at him a little and Kurt sighed and went out to the living room. He'd been dreading seeing Finn and the rest of New Directions.

 

"Hey, dude!" he said, "come watch Family Guy with me."

 

Kurt hated Family Guy and Finn knew it, but he nodded anyway and sat down next to Finn on the sofa.

 

After a while, Finn shifted a bit, "so, are you coming back to school tomorrow? Mom sort of told me what happened…and I'm sorry about your voice, dude, I know how much it means to you…although you're definitely taking it better than say Rachel."

 

'I guess I will' he wrote on the dry erase board. After showing Finn, he erased the words and added, 'I'll have to go back sometime'.

 

"Right," Finn said with a thoughtful expression, "listen, Kurt, I'll have your back this time, alright, all us Glee guys and even the girls. Santana's scary."

 

Kurt wanted to burst into laughter. He wanted to let Finn know how much he appreciated him right then and there, but he didn't want to write it. So, he leaned towards his soon to be brother and Finn smiled, not backing off from the hug that Kurt was intending to give him to Kurt's surprise.

 

"We'll all walk you to your different classes and made sure you're not alone in the hallways. I know it won't be fun for you and you don't want us to do this for you, but, dude, you're mute. No one would hear you if anything happened and none of were around."

 

Kurt had already resolved himself to this. Rachel, when she'd been around when he first came to had already made her position about this and she knew more about what he'd been going through than any of them.

 

'I guess I'll take the escort service' he wrote on the dry erase board and Finn grinned at him.

 

By the time dinner came around, Finn had gotten Kurt's old schedule from him which Kurt was positive would be the same schedule he'd get once he returned officially the next day. He was already trying to figure out when he could personally walk Kurt to class and Kurt didn't even try to tell him that he'd have to consider everyone else's schedules too before a decision was actually made.

 

Dinner went by without the awkward moments that Kurt had expected. Somehow, it was the same as the last time he'd had dinner with his dad, Carole and Finn even though now he didn't have a voice and it was only days away from his father and Carole's wedding.

 

After dinner Carole ushered him out of the kitchen again and pulled Finn towards the sink where she'd piled the dishes.

 

"You'll be alright tonight sharing with Finn?" His dad asked, as Kurt decided he should head down to his room.

 

He shrugged. "Should be fine." He didn't dare mention that he'd had a roommate for a few weeks now.

 

Thinking about Dalton and Blaine, and even the other boys was painful. He'd avoided it so far and his father hadn't really pressed the subject. Kurt thought that maybe his dad didn’t want to know what had been so important for him to give up so much or Rachel had told him even about that.

 

His room was just as he'd left except for the addition of the extra bed and some of Finn's things. He'd seen boxes up in the living room so he knew Finn and Carole hadn't finished unpacking yet. Most of his things from Dalton that he'd brought with him were still in his car and he suspected that the magic of the stage would bring the rest to him.

 

Finn entered the room after Kurt had changed into his pajamas.

 

"Do you want to talk about any of it?"

 

Kurt shook his head.

 

"Okay."

 

During his moisturizing routine, Finn played some sort of video game he thought he'd seen Wes and David playing once. It brought a few tears to his eyes. In the end the boys had been wonderful, accepting of his decision, in their way. Kurt thought they might have tried to stop him, but when they didn't show up after Rachel trying to stop him from going up on the stage, he'd realized that they weren't going to.

 

The stage had let him sing one last time, to have his voice for just those last minutes, before it took it away forever. Kurt didn't regret the decision.

 

By the time he got to bed, his thoughts had strayed to Blaine. Blaine and his gorgeous eyes, his unruly hair, and the smile that made Kurt's heart beat speed up like nothing else did. He must have been really tired, because with that picture in his head he fell asleep.

 

That night, Kurt dreamt.

 

He was singing and Blaine stood right in front of him, looking more handsome than ever. He was smiling and crying at the same time, just staring at him and then he began to sing. Their voices melded well together, enhancing each other perfectly. But about halfway through the song, his voice failed. Cracking at first, before it was gone altogether.

 

Kurt woke up with tears on his cheeks and Finn leaning over him.

 

"Are you okay?"

 

Kurt nodded, trying not to think of the dream or his first night at Dalton, when Blaine had comforted after his nightmare.

 

"Well, you were crying so I figured I'd wake you. Um, school's in like two hours, so I'm going to go back to bed. You are alright, right?"

 

Kurt nodded and dropped his head back on his pillow, wondering if he'd be able to fall asleep again for the extra half hour that he would have usually allowed himself before he set about getting ready for the day. He tried for a few minutes even though he knew it'd be futile and then pushed off his covers and headed to the bathroom.

 

Finn walked him to the office to make sure everything was in order and then to his locker where his books had been left alone, before Mercedes brushed him aside and told him she'd walk Kurt to class.

 

His friends acted as if no time had passed, as if he hadn't been gone for a few weeks and hadn't been with them at Sectionals. They took his lack of voice as well as they could, each of them trying hard to not really react to it, but failing in some way.

 

By the time the end of the school day arrived, Kurt had gotten his fill of pitying looks and from the classmates that didn't know why he didn't speak up in class anymore, curious glances.

 

He wrote Finn a note that he'd see him at home and headed out to his car instead of going to Glee club and when he got back to his room, let himself cry again. Seeing them all again was great and wonderful and it was just what he'd wanted and he'd missed each of them a whole lot…but he missed Wes, David, Thad, and Blaine, now, just as much, if not as painfully.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _They don't think I see the looks they give me sometimes. But I see the pity and in some of their eyes, even the disappointment._
> 
> _They think I made a mistake. But knowing those boys and being a part of their lives even for such a short time, it can't have been a mistake. Being Blaine's friend, hanging out with Thad, even just watching movies with David…it's not something I regret. My friends think I do._
> 
> _They don't get it. I loved them. I loved my time at Dalton. I was…no, am, in love with Blaine Anderson._
> 
> _I regret leaving them more than I regret going to the stage the first time. I can't help wondering what if…what if Blaine did love me someday? What if…_
> 
> _I can't keep thinking about him…_
> 
> From the diary of Kurt Hummel

\- - -

 

Blaine spent a week trying to convince himself that he'd done the right thing, that letting Kurt go back to his old life, even if he no longer had his voice, was the right thing for Kurt. In the mean time, he'd gotten Thad to show him the youtube videos they'd watched of Kurt and he didn't want to admit it to his friends, but he'd watched everything that featured Kurt more than a hundred times at least since he'd been first shown the videos.

 

He'd also researched the stage with little results, but he didn't want to ask Thad about it, let them know that he wasn't just moving on and letting Kurt live his life.

 

Kurt's things had disappeared some days after Kurt had left, leaving the room just like it had been before he moved in, giving the illusion that he hadn't actually been there and technically as far as the school knew he hadn't been.

 

Someone knocked on his door and then pushed the door open.

 

"Hey," Thad said, "what are you doing?"

 

Blaine had been watching Kurt sing '4 minutes' with his headphones on, but he paused the video and took them off.

 

"Nothing. Idling time away." He tried to smile, but knew that his expression was most likely just a grimace, "Why?"

 

"Because I miss him too, and I know you figured it out in the end. You love him, Blaine. I know it was hard letting him go and I've been watching you, not on Warbler business, I'm not under Wes' thumb like David, but as your friend…as Kurt's friend and, Blaine you're more miserable than ever."

 

Blaine stared at the other boy, not sure how he was going to respond. Did he deny how he felt, did he refuse to even talk about it?

 

"Before Kurt, you spent all your time thinking about him even though you didn't know him…you heard his voice in your dreams and I think you even saw him sometimes…and now that he's gone you've lost that thing that makes you, you. I…I talked to my mom again and she said something that really just made me think…I know what you have to do…."

 

Blaine frowned at him. "What do you mean?"

 

"Blaine, the stage, it doesn't get anything from taking someone's voice. It's just some cosmic rule or something."

 

Blaine didn't understand. What did that mean, then? Could they get Kurt's voice back somehow?

 

Thad continued, "It's about balance, but see no one can ever be truly happy, not forever, there's only small moments and that's what it was looking for. Of course now it won't matter if Kurt is ever really happy, he won't get his voice back, but…" He trailed off looking at Blaine as if he were waiting for Blaine to get it, to understand what he was getting at.

 

The reason Blaine never went to Thad for homework help, other than the fact that he didn't always need it, was that he never gave Blaine a straight answer. Kurt and David had gotten straight answers from him, or occasion Wes, but never Blaine. There was always something he needed to figure out on his own.

 

"What do I need to do, Thad? I would do anything for Kurt. For him to have his voice even if…even if I never got to hear it outside of my dreams."

 

"Or youtube," Thad said and coughed.

 

Blaine didn't try to deny it although his cheeks became slightly pink. It didn't matter anymore, though. He couldn't hide that he loved Kurt.

 

"You really need to figure it out on your own, Blaine, it will mean more if I don't tell you." He smiled a little before he walked to the door, "also, Wes wants to have a meeting after dinner, terrible timing, but he's got it in his head he knows what song would be perfect for Regionals. I think he's become as obsessed with watching all of New Direction's performances as you."

 

With a roll of his eyes, Thad closed the door behind him. Blaine heard his footsteps recede before he looked back at the paused youtube video. For a moment he thought about just grabbing his keys and heading to Lima, going to his school and finding him, just to see him again in person. Kurt didn't even have to know. He shook the thought, he'd never be able to just see Kurt, he'd have to talk to him, to explain, to hope for some form of forgiveness. No, he couldn't do that.

 

He didn't know what Thad wanted him to do. There was nothing he could do, Kurt's voice was gone forever, wasn't that how the stage worked? Thad had said it himself, so how was he supposed to get it back?

 

He pushed the computer away and flopped back onto his bed with a sigh. He still couldn’t fully wrap his mind around the idea that Kurt had given up his voice for him. Blaine didn't think he would have ever been able to do that for anyone. He stopped mid thought. It was what he had to do. He had to use the stage. He had to give up his voice for Kurt, for Kurt and his voice because the one thing that would mean the world to him, that would make him happiest, was to see Kurt happy. It didn't matter if he lost his voice forever as long as he could listen to Kurt sing and talk and see him smile.

 

Blaine jumped off the bed and grabbed his keys, running towards Thad's room. He threw open the door.

 

"I have to do what he did for me, for him, for his voice," he said without a pause, and added, "because I love him and I can't live knowing he's unhappy."

 

Thad dropped the book he'd been holding and nodded. "Yes, that's what you have to do, but, Blaine, only if you're sure. Only if you know it's what you want…"

 

Blaine nodded. "It's what I want. I want him…I want him to be happy, I want to hear him sing."

 

David who'd been sprawled out on the floor with his History book, looked up, grinning. "So, it's not over?" he said and rushed to his feet, stopping in front of Blaine, "you're really sure about this?"

 

"More than anything," Blaine breathed. "I've been dreaming of him again…I see him every night, he always looks so sad. I…I need to this for me…for him…"

 

David nodded. "Alright then, to the Lima Bean, then? I'll go get Wes."

 

Blaine began to shake his head, to tell them he could do it alone, but he stopped. These were his friends and they just wanted to be with him. So, instead he nodded.

 

"Okay, yes, hurry up will you."

 

"Blaine," Thad said, "you're not wearing shoes."

 

"Oh," Blaine said, "I guess I'm not. I'll…I should get some."

 

He put on the first shoes he found and grabbed his jacket and scarf just in case, before rushing out his room again. Wes and David were already out in the hall and Thad was just closing his room door.

 

"Let's go," David said and he looked more excited than he had in days.

 

This second time they were piling into Wes' car on the way to the Lima Bean, there was excitement in the air instead of the morose atmosphere that had surrounded them last time.

 

When they entered the Lima Bean this time, there were more people. The stage was empty and Blaine rushed towards it. He faintly heard Wes talking to a barista as he walked forward. Thad stopped him before he got up there.

 

"We don't know what will happen after, Kurt lost his friend in a way. I…good luck, Blaine."

 

Blaine nodded. "Thank you," he said and on impulse pulled Thad into a hug. David joined the hug a moment later and pulled Wes into it as well, even though he hugged them reluctantly and pulled away at once.

 

Blaine took a deep breath and stepped forward and immediately felt something come over him, some sort of magic. He'd known it was coming but it was still surprising. There was some sort of music playing to a song he knew well. The air around him became warmer. A shock ran through his body.

 

He took a final deep breath and began to sing, almost stumbling with his words when he heard his voice, more powerful, clearer than ever.

 

The air changed again, some sort of scent appearing as if out of nowhere. It was familiar, but Blaine couldn't quite place it. Then it was gone, replaced by something more powerful, something much heavier. If Blaine had wanted to stop singing, the stage would not have let him. It demanded that he sing, it wanted him to continue, to get to the end and then it began to speak to him, words only he could understand.

 

It knew everything about him, it knew just what he wanted. It knew him better than anything or anyone had ever known him. But no, Kurt knew him. Kurt.

 

"So, it shall be." the voice said, as the song came to an end.

 

 

Blaine waited. It said nothing more. Suddenly the energy around him shifted again. Something was swirling around him, it was like what he'd seen happen around Kurt. Colors melded together and he didn't try to keep track of them, just admiring and letting it happen. Some sort of fog started to appear. He couldn't see the rest of the coffee shop anymore. His eyes drooped and he thought he heard the stage say one more thing before he passed out.

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _Soul Mates. What two funny words._
> 
> _I guess I always knew. I guess it only makes sense._
> 
> _And for that kind of love, for that kind of overpowering, awe-inducing love why shouldn't there be so much heartbreak, so much sorrow._
> 
> _Why shouldn't there be the reciprocity of sacrifice?_
> 
> From the journal of Blaine Anderson

\- - -

 

There was something different about that morning, Kurt realized as he got out of bed. He didn't know if it was because it'd been a week since he'd returned to McKinley and he was finally getting used to waking up in his room -- with the addition of Finn snoring from the other side of the room to greet him in the morning -- or if it was the lack of dreams from the night before, but something was different.

 

He went through his morning routine, and walked into his closet to pick his clothes out for the day in his usual silence, trying to look forward to the day but failing when he remembered that he wouldn't be seeing Blaine and he wouldn't get to talk. He rubbed at his throat absently. There was nothing to be done, he knew, but he couldn't help but still wish that some way, some how he'd be able to get his voice back.

 

After he'd picked out his clothes, he shook Finn awake. The taller boy shot out of bed, startled, but after rubbing at his eyes and stretching with a few mumbles that Kurt couldn't make out, ever, he stumbled into his closet to grab whatever looked cleanest and threw it on.

 

Kurt wrinkled his nose even though he knew this was the usual with Finn and dressed quickly in the bathroom before walking to his vanity to do his hair while Finn used the bathroom and woke himself a bit further.

 

While Kurt put his books in his bag, and fixed Finn's for him as well, Finn finished getting ready, flashed Kurt a smile and headed up the stairs.

 

Their mornings were wordless. Neither spoke, Kurt because he couldn't; Finn because he didn't function until he'd gotten breakfast.

 

Kurt hadn’t been used to someone making him breakfast before he headed out for the day. Usually he'd been the one to get himself something to eat and prior to his dad's heart attack, hadn't had to worry about what his father ate. But Carole moving in, meant that she was awake when they arrived upstairs with breakfast ready for them.

 

That morning it was pancakes. Finn high fived his mom and grabbed as much as he could.

 

Carole rolled her eyes and patted her son on the cheek, before smiling at Kurt. "He's always been like this," she told Kurt fondly and poured Kurt a cup of coffee, letting him add his own sugar and milk.

 

Finn who detested coffee, just grabbed the carton of orange juice and Kurt handed him a glass before he could drink straight out of it.

 

After breakfast, he and Finn headed out, Kurt driving because Carole still didn't trust Finn to get his license, especially after he'd failed the test the first time, almost a year after the mailman incident. Kurt liked to think that it wasn't just Carole who was scared of Finn driving, but Finn himself.

 

Kurt continued to feel strange for the rest of the day, like there was something the hadn't noticed. And then, it happened. Finn had gone to his locker and Kurt to his. He'd seen Karofsky out of the corner of his eye but since the other boy hadn't actually bothered Kurt in the past week, he didn't pay him much mind, but then suddenly he was pushing Kurt into his locker. Kurt hit the locker hard and with a gasp. An audible gasp.

 

Karofsky sneered at him and walked past him. Kurt just stared at him, not knowing what he should do.

 

Rachel appeared then, smiling and walking down the hall as if she knew something everyone else didn't. She grinned at Kurt and then it fell away.

 

"Kurt did something happen?"

 

He pointed down the hall.

 

"Was it Karofsky?" Rachel asked, spotting the jock with a few of the other football guys.

 

Kurt nodded.

 

Rachel stared at him oddly for a moment as if she was waiting for something and then sighed. "Do you want to do anything about it?"

 

Kurt shrugged. There really wasn't that much that could be done against Karofksy that was even worth doing. Without actual proof that he'd done anything, the school wouldn't take action against him. Angering him and using violence was the wrong way to go and

 

Rachel looked disappointed about something for a moment, but she nodded and made to walk away, but stopped, "hey, Kurt?"

 

Kurt opened and closed his mouth.

 

"Come to Glee club today after school, okay?"

 

He wanted to shake his head, to somehow tell her that he couldn't go to glee club and see them sing and dance and do everything he couldn't, but for some reason he didn't shake his head and try in his way to explain that to her, instead he nodded.

 

"You won't regret it," she said and left before Kurt could begin to question what she meant.

 

After classes were over, Kurt reluctantly went into the choir room with Puck and Lauren, surprised at how well Lauren seemed to handle Puck and the strange affinity that they had to each other.

 

The rest of the club was already there, and they all greeted Kurt warmly, but Rachel pulled him to the front of the room before he could sit down. He stared at her. What were they doing? They knew he had no voice, unless they were performing something for him from where they sat.

 

"Kurt," Rachel said with a bright smile, "we want you to sing for us."

 

He narrowed his eyes at her, "you know I can’t." He gasped, reached up to his throat. He could talk. "What? I can…"

 

"Sing for us, Kurt," Rachel said.

 

"I…" he gulped. His voice was back. How?

 

"Sing, Kurt. Anything," Rachel encouraged him again.

 

It had been a week since he'd sung last, up on that stage, finalizing the spell, breaking it once and for all. He'd given up his voice.

 

Rachel handed him a mic. He stared at it for a while, hands shaking. Somehow she'd known what he wanted to sing and had come prepared with the music for Brad, because Brad began playing the piano behind him and the words were at the tips of his lips just ready to burst out.

 

His voice didn't sound like it had on the stage, but Kurt didn't care that it wasn't as clear or as perfect as that stage had made it, because all that mattered was he had his voice back. .

 

When the song came to an end, he gasped as the tears that had been threatening to fall the entire time he'd been singing did. For once they were tears of joy. Rachel rushed forward from her seat, her arms wrapping around his waist.

 

Kurt wanted other arms to wrap around him, another body to lean into, but he let Rachel hold him and then Mercedes and Finn. Soon they were all in one big heap on the floor and he could talk, he could say anything he wanted. He didn't question why. He didn't want to ask if something had happened to bring his voice back. All he wanted was the enjoy it. Still, in his chest there was a pang that missed four boys that should have been there with them during this celebration.

 

Mr. Shuester walked in then, looking at them all in surprise before Mercedes announced the return of his voice.

 

"That's wonderful, Kurt!"

 

They all slowly untangled themselves and got up and Mr. Shuester clapped Kurt in congratulations.

 

"Well, the reason I am late," Mr. Shuester said, "is because I ran into a boy looking for Kurt. He didn't want to come in here, but he's waiting outside for you Kurt."

 

Kurt gasped. It couldn't be Blaine. He couldn't get his hopes up. It wasn't Blaine. It was probably Thad or Wes or David. He didn't need to get his hopes up over this. He took a deep breath.

 

"I guess I'll be right back, then," he said.

 

Rachel took his hand and squeezed it, "don't look so sad, Kurt."

 

He tried to smile, but knew that he hadn't given it a good enough effort. He stopped just at the door to look back at them. He had his voice and he has friends, and still there was that one thing missing. Blaine. He couldn't get his hopes up.

 

It was Blaine waiting for him. Blaine looking as wonderful as always in his Dalton uniform, hair for some reason out of its gel, his eyes shining. Kurt paused just in front of him, not knowing what he was supposed to do now that Blaine was right in front of him.

 

"Blaine," he said at long last.

 

Blaine opened his mouth, he shaped words that weren't said and he scrunched up his eyes. A lone tear ran down one cheek. Kurt stepped forward.

 

"Blaine?" he asked. His voice shook.

 

Suddenly, Blaine had his arms around Kurt and Kurt felt Blaine burrow his head into the crook of his neck, crying silently. Kurt rubbed at his back. It wasn't possible. Blaine hadn't done what he thought he did.

 

"Why aren't you speaking Blaine? Please…please tell me you didn't."

 

Blaine said nothing.

 

"Oh, Blaine." Kurt wrapped his arms tighter around the slightly shorter boy. "You didn't. No…not for my voice, not…you'll never get it back…why?" He pulled back to look at Blaine, but Blaine was looking at from him, "why, Blaine? Why did you do it?"

 

There was only one reason that Kurt thought he would take, one answer. Blaine began to smile a little, apparently having found that spark of hope in Kurt's eyes. He reached a shaking hand up, hesitating a little before he placed it on Kurt's cheek, his fingers just brushing his skin. He ran his thumb under his eye wiping away the tears still present on his face and then he leaned forward, eyes trained on Kurt's as if he wanted Kurt to know something.

 

"Blaine," Kurt whispered.

 

Blaine leaned towards him, head coming closer. Kurt remembered the last time he'd had the other boy this close. But this was different. For one, Blaine was sober, and for another, it meant a whole lot more.

 

When Blaine finally kissed him, Kurt gasped, holding still for a moment before he kissed back. This kiss was different that the first. It was tentative, yet sure. Blaine kissed him gently, a sweet soft kiss that melded their mouths together and gave each of them just a taste of the other.

 

\- - -

>   
>  __
> 
> _You've dreamed of him for years._
> 
> _He saw you one time and he knew._
> 
> _Go to him._
> 
> _Don't do this if you're going to act the coward._
> 
> _Love him.  
> _
> 
>  
> 
> What The Stage said to Blaine
> 
>  

\- - -

 

He must have really been out of it the night he kissed Kurt while drunk, because he didn't remember this feeling. He didn't remember the overwhelming wholeness that came from kissing Kurt; he didn't remember how it left him thoughtless and how all he could focus on what Kurt. Nothing mattered, now he was kissing Kurt. He didn't care that he had no voice, or that there was every possibility he wouldn't get it back again. Kurt was in his arms, and Kurt was kissing him and it was the most magical thing in the world, the most important thing.

 

Kurt was the first to pull back, gasping for breath, and smiling brightly in a way that Blaine had never seen before.

 

"Blaine," he whispered.

 

Blaine shuddered. He hadn't known that just hearing his name come from those lips would make his body turn to jelly, but it did. He slumped a little into Kurt who let out a breathy giggle.

 

His eyes wanted to fall closed, but he kept them open, looking at Kurt, taking in the euphoric happiness that had overcome him. Blaine knew, then, this was what he wanted. Seeing Kurt so happy, so ready for the world to throw anything at him because he had his voice back, it was everything to Blaine.

 

Kurt pulled away a bit. "Come on, I want…I want to sing for you. I want you to hear my voice…"

 

Blaine nodded eagerly and Kurt laughed. Blaine could have done anything to hear the sound again. This was so much more in comparison to the barely there laugh he'd been associating with Kurt before.

 

Kurt pulled him down the hall, they turned into another corridor and then through a door into a curtained stage.

 

"Go, sit. I don't exactly have anything prepared, but I just want to sing you something…before..." He trailed off.

 

Kurt let go of his hand and Blaine felt immediately cold. He wanted to reach out and take Kurt's hand again and never let him go, but then he was seated and Kurt was singing. This was unlike the last time he'd seen Kurt sing at the Lima Bean. His voice sounded beautiful in a way that Blaine appreciated more than when he'd been on the magical stage. It sounded real, powerful, full of emotion.

 

When the song came to an end, Blaine clapped madly. Kurt laughed and motioned for him to come back on the stage. Blaine practically ran back up, wrapping his arms around Kurt. It didn't matter that he had no voice, and Kurt certainly didn't seem to care. It didn't matter because Kurt had a voice, because Kurt could sing for both of them. He wanted to voice this, to tell Kurt everything he was feeling, to finally say those three words.

 

It was then, that it happened.

 

Light appeared all around them. Kurt gasped and dropped his head to Blaine's shoulder with a resigned expression, before he pulled back and with a determined look, cupped Blaine's face and brought him into a short kiss. When he pulled back, he stared deep into Blaine's eyes sadly.

 

"I love you," he whispered.

 

Around them, mist appeared, and Blaine could feel that same power that was on the stage. He could smell the strange scent. He didn't understand.

 

His eyes closed of their own volition and he held Kurt tighter against him.

 

'You both chose well. Hard is the path to true love, but you have found it.'

 

Blaine fell into Kurt. Something was happening. He didn't know what, but something had and then he was coughing.

 

"Blaine?" Kurt's faint voice asked.

 

They were on the floor, Blaine could feel it underneath him. He opened his eyes. Kurt leaned over him, looking as beautiful as ever, his Kurt.

 

"Mine," he said, before everything around him went black.

 

When he came to, he was still on the floor, and Kurt was humming something.

 

"Kurt?" he asked, speaking before he could realize that he could. "I can…"

 

Kurt nodded, tears were pooling in his eyes again. "You broke the spell…we broke the spell, it…it gave you, your voice back."

 

Suddenly he was flat on his back again, Kurt in his arms. "Sorry," he mumbled, but made no move to get up, "I just…I never expect it to…Oh, Blaine." He buried his face in Blaine's chest and they stayed like that for a while, Blaine starting to realize what had happened.

 

He was happy. He did love Kurt. Having Kurt sing for him, hearing Kurt's voice…it had been enough for him. His voice hadn't mattered, but Kurt's did.

 

"Kurt," he said, appreciative that he could say Kurt's name now, "I…I'm so sorry, Kurt. This…all of this could have been avoided. I've…I've been so stupid and I just…"

 

Kurt shook his head. He sat up and then stood, offering his hand to Blaine. Blaine took it at once.

 

"I shouldn't have left. I…I ran when I thought I could just forget about you and get back to my old life, but, god, Blaine, I should have stayed."

 

Blaine reached for Kurt's other hand, "we're together now, Kurt, and I just want to say that you are the most beautiful, most self-less person I have ever known and I love you with every bit of my being, even if it took me this long to get it…and I…"

 

He was cut off by Kurt's lips on his. He paused the kiss long enough to whisper an, "I love you too, Blaine," he before they were kissing again.

 

Blaine for once couldn't think, couldn't concentrate on more than just holding Kurt to him and kissing him as if he would never be able to again. He found the appeal now that Wes had tried to make him see all those weeks before. Having Kurt in his arms, kissing Kurt, just having him around him, it was the kind of thing that one needed in their lives though he didn't see how it was going to help him in the long run with the Warblers, especially if Kurt stayed at McKinley.

 

There were still tons of things to work out, lots for them to talk about. They had come out stronger than ever from their lack of voice, but now there was everything else.

 

Blaine didn't let it worry him. They would work it out together. They.

 

Kurt whined into their kiss, pulling back a little to stare at him as if he couldn't believe Blaine was real.

 

Blaine smiled and pressed his forehead against Kurt, dropping his hand from where it had ended up on Kurt's neck, to grab Kurt's hand and intertwining their fingers.

 

From behind him he heard a cough. He and Kurt turned. Blaine broke into laughter. He'd forgotten them. Kurt's face lit up and Blaine didn't let it bother him when he dropped his hands and ran, wrapping an arm around Thad and Wes. David joined them a moment later and when he was called over he let himself be hugged.

 

"I like this whole happy ending thing," Thad said, poking Blaine, "you know, I might have to write this whole thing into a book or something...it's kind of booklike, right? And I do have all those notes David took."

 

Blaine groaned. "No book, Thad."

 

"Notes?" Kurt asked, speaking for the first time for his friends.

 

That led to another group hug and Wes pulling Kurt away.

 

"What is he saying to Kurt?"

 

"Oh, he's not threatening him on your behalf, Blaine," David said, "no, he's recruiting. You see, Kurt's a countertenor and Lima is two hours away, so you'll hardly get to see him…so, it's really in all our interests to get Kurt a scholarship for next semester. Plus, have you heard New Directions?"

 

Blaine rolled his eyes even though he knew David had a point. Kurt staying at McKinley meant he wouldn't see him more than on the weekend, maybe once during the actual week.

 

"Would he want to go to Dalton though?" he asked.

 

No one answered and then Wes and Kurt were, Kurt grinning and Wes looking pleased. Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine's waist and dropped his head to Blaine's shoulder and Blaine couldn't help but be amazed at how easy it was. He'd always held some sort of disdain for couples that were always touching, but he understood now. He didn't ever want to stop touching Kurt.

 

"So?" He asked in a whisper, bracing himself for the answer.

 

"I'll have to discuss it with my dad…but Karofsky's still around and I want to be as close to you as possible. You and Dalton, Blaine, you were my dream…I…I'll miss my friends, but I can come visit. I belong at Dalton."

 

Blaine, not caring that his friends were still there, turned a little so he could angle his head the right way and kissed Kurt yet again.

 

"Oh, come on, guys," Wes said.

 

David laughed and Blaine didn't hear what he said.

 

"Oh, let them," Thad said, "they're in love and they’re both on the same page for once…it's sweet…" He continued a few moments later, "plus, good observations for that book."

 

Blaine pulled away from Kurt who was blushing and began to giggle as soon as Blaine glared at Thad and opened his mouth to tell him off again, Kurt shook his head and took his hand.

 

Blaine looked back at him, matching his smile. He couldn't believe how happy and how whole he was. Kurt had done that. He didn't even mind that Wes had actually gotten his way.

 

While Wes, David, and Thad walked ahead of them a few minutes later, Kurt and Blaine hung back.

 

"I love you," Blaine whispered, "I was looking for you, you know, my entire life…I could see you in my dreams, I could hear you sing…"

 

Kurt blushed and Blaine didn’t know if he'd ever get tired of seeing him do that. "I spied on the Warblers," he admitted, "and you were singing lead and I just…I knew I wanted to be with you and then you were in the Lima Bean and you fell out of your chair…"

 

Blaine began to laugh. "It was you," he breathed, "I thought maybe it had been…but even after everything I thought I imagined it…"

 

"Rachel wouldn't let me stay with you…she was paranoid about the spying we'd done and you were the competition, after all."

 

Blaine leaned his head against Kurt's. "Well, now we're finally together."

 

Kurt nodded with a happy sigh.

 

THE END


End file.
